Has it really ended between us?

[xinn1314]

I have been with this girl for 2 and a half years, i'm 23 now and she is 21... during that period, we ate together,slept together, went to classes together, played computer games, went travelling together. We had visited each other's families, and even grandparents.
At first, i really put alot of effort into the relationship. However, as a guy, our heart can sway at times... As she was the one i'm closest with, i told her and it made her very sad... we stopped holding hands as i felt we would look bad, if i were to look at other girls while we were holding hands.
Being in such doubt at that time, and also due to me being a Christian and she buddist, we couldnt give in to each other in case we were gonna have kids. This made my rational side of thoughts believe we werent' mean for each other, and i wanted the breakup.
She however insisted on holding on, and wouldnt allow me to breakup with her... Thus, we spent about 10 months together despite that. During that period of time, we still lived together like a couple, i then got attached to this computer game and didnt spend much time with her, and eventually she wanted out. At that point of time, i thought... "good, this is a great chance for me to get rid of this relationship".. but i started to miss her the instant she left my room, almost screwed up my exams..
Till this day... 1/2 a year from our breakup, i have never felt any happier, I dream of her very frequently, I miss her dearly.
Upon the breakup, she still left her stuff in my room, has my roomkey, uses my bedsheet and i use hers, but she hates me. She is annoyed everytime i try to start a conversation with her.
I gave her flowers during valentines, and wished her. Twice i tried to reconcile with her, but it both didnt work out..

As human beings, we would never know our psychological state. Why would our heart sway?
This very day, I have known the reason why.. its about, expectations. I believe, that knowing this, i can put away these expectations i expect from her.

People say, Hate and love is just a line.. She hates me, or hates herself for loving me in the past..
What should i do now? Could we still get back?

[jb1111983]

Mate, you broke her heart. She will have great difficulty in trusting you again.
Before you approach her again please be sure that she is the one you want to be with no matter what. If you aren't sure about your feelings for her you shouldn't approach her again. You're only gonna hurt her more.

But if you're sure she's the one for you, you have a big task ahead. All is not over yet as far as I'm concerned. She probably thought you were the one for her which is why she remained with you for ten months even after you told her you weren't sure about your feelings for her. Man, you'll need great patience to win her back. And you can't TALK yourself out of something you DID! You've got to show her with your actions that you truly care for her and are sorry about the things you did to her. If she still loves you she will notice the little things you do for her and in time will open up to you again. This will take time. But remember you hurt her, she won't want to trust you with her heart so easily again. Just don't give up. Go all the way and see if you get her back. There's no guarantee that you'll succeed and there's no guarantee that you won't. And don't be seeing other girls if you're seriously about wanting her back. Ok this is what I'd do if I were you. Good luck

[confused&single]

This exact situation happened to me. Only I was the girl that stayed in the relationship with my ex when he told me he wasn't sure. I was heart broken because i truly thought he was it for me. We were together for over 3 and a half years. The last year and a half or so we were dealing with his "I don't know" feelings. I can't say I didn't see it coming because he did change, he stopped caring enough to do the small things and wouldn't talk about us definitively in the future raising a family. He'd always say "if". It's really hard to want to be with someone with all your heart and soul, see yourself raising a family with someone...hell even envision what your kids could be like and then your partner decides he's just not that into it. He feels like there could be something else that he's missing out there but he doesn't want to date anyone or even be single. He'd rather play computer games than focus on things that matter.

I'm almost positive that she doesn't hate you. I'm sure she hates that she loved you as much as she did and you took advantage of that love and so casually tossed it aside. Part of her probably still wants a future with you but you royally screwed up and she resents how you made her feel. She was a great catch, attractive, attentive and did everything that a good girlfriend should do. What did you do...you decided you'd rather play video games than hang out with your wonderful catch of a girlfriend. Sorry to be harsh. There may be a chance still, but know what you did broke her heart into a million little pieces. Like the other poster said, don't pursue anything if you aren't 100% sure that she's it for you. That would devastate her if it were to end again. Good Luck and please be mindful of others' hearts.....

[xinn1314]

@jb1111983 thanks!

@confused&single interesting enough, i played computer games instead of video games. Seems like our situation is really kinda similar.
and as of now, she is in a "just for fun" relationship with a guy she married in an online game.

thanks for sharing your experience with me.

[devonbrown]

I am sorry to say that it seems like this relationship is over. But, on the bright side, you and she are both young and have learned from this experience. Hopefully you have learned not to tell your girlfriend when you want to check out other girls. Dude, there is nothing wrong with looking, but don't tell her you want to look. That is not cool. And then the computer games she probably saw as an excuse to get out of spending time with her. Your missing her is because she was a big part of your life for a very long time.

Of course, I, nor anyone else, can tell the future, but it doesn't look good for a relationship to resume with her. Don't let the hopes of it get in your way of meeting new people.

Good luck.

[xinn1314]

bump, any other opinions?