8 months since me and my ex broke up and I still feel the same?

[spiritofjosh]

I dated my ex girlfriend for close to 5 years, we broke up last August and last Christmas Eve would of been 5 years. She broke up with me because I don't have a job, haven't been looking for one and brought out how frustrated I was being broke on her all the time. During all this she worked very hard every day while I just slept. Regardless then I didn't realize it but now I know how horrible and lazy I was and how she still was the same girl I fell in love with, so I don't blame her for what she did. Since then I've improved myself a lot, lost a lot of weight, got a job etc and she apparently found somebody else, yet still works 5 minutes from me. This is bad because I see her driving or drive past her often because she works on a main road. But even still I miss her and care about her just as much as I did when we broke up 8 months ago. I try to move on but I feel like every girl who starts to like me I can't get feelings for, or I just find that they aren't what my ex was. I'm told I shouldn't compare and I know I shouldn't but it's like settling for less almost because my ex was pretty much just like me. Same sense of humor, same view on a lot of things, what I wasn't she was and vice versa. She didn't like to party as I don't but every girl I meet that's all they want, or they've slept with 20 guys or something else I can't stand. I almost wanna make a move on my ex and see where it gets me, just see how she is or something because I feel stupid sitting here doing nothing and I can't be any worse..right? Some advice would be really appreciated.

[Lifetime]

Well, 5 years is a pretty long time, and you seem like you really loved her, so it's not surprising that you're still thinking about her after 8 months. If she has a new boyfriend and has moved on, I'd say just try your best to do the same. I know how much it sucks to see your ex, I drive by mine every once and a while and it feels like getting kicked in the stomach, I always end up breaking down. I'm sure you've heard all the lines, and it's always easier said then done, but I think your best bet is to just move on, especially since she has a new guy. If you find it hard to be with other girls without comparing them to your ex, maybe you're just not ready to date again. Spend some more time working on yourself, your hobbies, etc. Good luck, I feel for you.

[Bonfire]

I wouldn't say you have no shot at getting her back. If the reason she left you is because you were a lazy bum with no job. Then turning your life around would definitely put you in a better position to win her over. It's relatively too soon though to change her mind. Continue to improve yourself, improve your job status, if you could move up in your workplace do so. Once you are in a point in your life where you feel you have accomplish something of a career and done well for yourself in other areas in life, then drop by and say hello to her. Ask her to go have lunch sometimes just to catch up. Then once she knows about how your life has been different, let her know your feelings for her hasn't change and you would like to get back together someday but at the same time you respect her new relationship and you won't interfere. You were there just to let her know and you won't contact her again and that she can contact you when she is single again. Then after that, just move on.. continue to see other girls, you might eventually meet one that makes you forget your ex. So if your ex never comes back, then at least you didn't waste your time waiting.

[spiritofjosh]

More comes to mind on the subject but I didn't want to make my first post so long. Any thoughts on why it's so hard for me to move on, or want to move and why it was so easy for her to? She found a new boyfriend and didn't seem to even look back. Her life didn't have much room to be talking to another guy, she didn't have facebook, works 5 minutes from my house and stayed at my house almost every night, and when she didn't she stayed at her mom's and I'd go there. I wonder because she was always the more emotional one in the relationship, she would cry sometimes because she was afraid I was getting sick of her and would leave her. Do you think this is just an attempt to try and get over me, whether it's working or not?

Believe me through this I sound like a emotional wreck. I'm far from it, as I've mentioned I've been improving myself a lot and I still go out and don't let thoughts of her hold me back. But my friends never really offer advice on the subject or give me very short answers, so since I still have a lot of unanswered questions I came here. Thanks again.

[DarkHelmet82]

dude you need to get your life in order before you can be in a relationship.. THIS IS WHY she broke up with you. You did nothing with your life and relied on her to be happy.. theres your problem... fix yourself and love yourself FIRST and then you can be with someone who will love you as well.

[spiritofjosh]

Yes I know, I stated earlier that I'm doing just that, I didn't say anything about not being in a relationship. I was just trying to get a clearer head on her actions other than my life not being together, that was already understood and I made changes.

[VincenzoG91]

You haven't made enough changes if you are still hung up on her. You need to completely let ago and truly become comfortable with living on your own, and then really move on. The fact that she moved on quickly shows that she was ready to move on for a while before actually breaking up with you. Even though you have made a lot of improvements, she is unlikely to give you another chance because she moved on. You need to learn from your mistakes and then get a fresh start with someone new.

And if all the women you've been meeting are just into partying or casual sex, then you need to find a new way to meet women. I'm not personally religious, but I've heard that the young women at church tend to be normal and not uptight holy rollers, so maybe you could start showing up on Sundays. Or do some volunteer work. Get involved in some co-ed recreational activity like volleyball. Whatever, don't just look for women at the bar or at parties.

[spiritofjosh]

I didn't mention it because it happened over 2 years ago but we broke up before for another 8 months. I broke up with her then though because I wanted to be single, didn't want to be tied down. She was devastated and tried multiple times to win me back over a course of two months and eventually she gave up. I stopped talking to her to focus on my single life and friends she (what I learned when we got back together later on) thought I didn't love her anymore and this kid who was her girlfriend's friend started paying attention to her and they dated for 6 months. I was upset but focused on moving on, then dated another girl for 2 months. At this time I missed my ex, told her I missed her and within a couple of weeks she left her boyfriend out of nowhere and came back to me. Afterwards she told me she was waiting for me but felt like I didn't want her because I never called her so she just stayed with him because she was content and didn't feel alone. We dated a year and a half after that until she broke up with me for being a loser, for lack of better term.

My point is she's done this before and came back, possibly something I have stored back in my head making me still be hung up over her. I don't necessarily agree with her trying to date other people to move on but I guess if the roles were reversed I feel like I'd do the same, I don't know. But the fact I'm not doing enough doesn't seem possible. I needed a job and her leaving me pushed me off my ass and I found one. I wanted to lose weight, I lost 25 pounds, walk and ride my bike almost daily. I play in a local band and we're trying to get a record signing. I'm doing all that's possible right now. It just doesn't help that everything I do I used to do with my ex because she enjoyed everything I did, so this is why it seems so hard. Don't think I'm arguing anybody's point of view or opinion, I'm open to all and take all into consideration. Thanks again.