In a rut i cannot get out of.. :(
Hey everyone, some of you know my story for those who dont can look at my past threads.
Well, this weekend i was at a friends, i went there as a friend of mine was getting a tattoo and asked me to come along.. Well, we were there for a while and they asked us to have a drink with them and chill for a few hours. So we did, the drinks started flowing and i was having an awesome time.
At about 11pm my ex called one of the guys we were with and he must have told him i was there as my ex showed up not long after. I ignored him like i have been doing but it put me on a downer.. I should have just left but i felt like why should i let him ruin my night out. So i stayed and if i could turn back time i would.
As the time went on he started talking to me, hanging around me more and more and finally asked me to come talk for a second.. He started pouring all this BS about how hurt he was, how he wanted to take everything back he had done and still loved me and how he was going to show me how much he was sorry. Everything he said was so believable, i couldnt imagine he could stand there and bare face lie to me.. I love him so much i just couldnt accept he could lie to me.. Well he did.
We kissed, spoke all night, laughed and had such a great time. It brought back every good memory we ever had and i just felt so happy.. Iv felt so bad for such a long time it just seemed like i was on top of the world.
The next day was the same, he fed me all this bullsh*t and i just believed it all and i feel so stupid. As yesterday i called him and he acted cold with me, said he didnt have time to speak to me, said that he didnt want to see me and didnt know about his promises he made me..
I cried and cried and he just said i was acting crazy and not to talk to him until i calmed down.. So i spent all day yesterday and today just bawling my eyes out.. He ignored my calls and texts.. Didnt bother to see if i was okay.. Just a text this morning saying 'i love you babe xo'
He told me i couldnt go over to his place it wasnt a good time, as all his friends were there drinking and it was a boys night.. I feel so used.. Like im nothing, not worth anything.. Iv never felt this devastated in my life i just cant explain the pain im feeling its killing me
I was doing so well getting over him and now i have to start from scratch.. It feels like i cant even go out with my friends now as he will always be around and this is how easy i fall for his lies and promises. I have had suicidal thoughts all day and i cant get them or him out of my head.. I have never felt this low before and i feel like iv fallen and cannot pick myself up.
I keep going over and over thinking 'how coul he possibly be this harsh on me'..
Will someone please give me some advice, i really need to just speak to someone.. I feel i have nobody..
Please go easy on me..I know i have brought it on mysef with my own stupidity but I dont feel i can handle anymore harsh words today..Thankyou..
You have all the weapons you need... Now fight!