Is it time to break up?

[Slick]

Hi, I'm going thru a dilemma right now with my girlfriend of over 2 years. I'm moving about 1000 miles away to go to grad school which is 1 year and then I plan to hopefully move to ny. My gf has two years of school left in the town I'm currently living.

It seems like I always start hanging out with a girl I like and before I know it I'm in a long term relationship because I didn't get out when I should. Not to say I don't love my gf because I do. It's just that we have different life goals and I've always known this at heart. She wants to continue living here after graduation because this is where her family lives. I on the otherhand want to see the world.

I know the way I describe makes it seem obvious that we aren't meant to be together forever. I realize we have an expiration date. My dilemma is when to break up. We tried the long distance thing for two months when I had an internship and broke up halfway thru. Now she is talking about driving up there with me to help member settled in and stay for a few days then flying back. I don't know what to make of this suggestion nor do I know the best way of bringing up where she thinks our relationship is going.

Any advice would be much appreciated.
-S

[reeba]

Are you 100% positive that her goal in life is to live out her life in her hometown, near her family???? Or have you discussed this lately? You need to discuss this,and both of you come to a realization that the realtionship is a deadend or has possibilities.

1. Just because you don't live in NY doesn't mean you can't travel and see the world.
2. What makes you think NY is the only answer. There are lots of other cool cities without the high cost of living. My sister moved from Chicago to NY and was crippled with the cost of living - rent, taxes, entertainment.
3. Yes LDRs suck. And chances are it won't last the year of grad school.

[steviej]

It sounds like you don't really want to be with her, but you don't want to face the hassle of splitting up.
Do the decent thing, don't wait till you've gone and then email her finishing with her. Arrange to see her and tell her the REAL reasons you don't want to be with her.
I say that because if she has deep feelings for you moving 1000miles away won't change that, she'll just see it as an obstacle to overcome and will come up with lots of ways round it (like she is doing already with talk about driving up there)

Be honest with her so she can get a bit of closure. It'll suck, but you will soon get over it when you move, for her it'll be harder.

[trueblue72]

I had the same problem a few years ago. I was very happy living in Warsaw, Poland and i had a good job and flat there and a good and growing circle of friends. I met an English girl and fell deeply in love when i went home to visit family in England. I didn't want to move really, but after she visited me in warsaw, i decided to move to be near her. We had a couple of good years, but although the relationship was good overall, i wasn't where i wanted to be, so the relationship failed in the end. i resented her for the life change i had made and it just shows that if you aren't fully together and going in the same direction at the same time, any relationship will fail. You have to do what makes you happy in your own mind and spirit and if you aren't, it's only a matter of time before you break up (in my opinion).

[ElizabethLane]

Hi,

Honestly the sooner the better so you both can get used to it, instead of waiting untill the last minute, b/c in the end you can still be friends.