Lost love of my life - grass is greener maybe

[fraz1170]

Lost love of my life - grass is greener maybe

Hello all

I am in desperate need of help.

I have been with my ex for over 8 years and she has moved on and admits she is seeing another and has slept with him.

To cut a long story short I realised that our relationship has been a bit stale for about 12 months now, those 18 months have also contained maybe happy times.

We have two children, but they are from her previously relationship, but they say me as their dad.

Things have been difficult over recent months which led to me moving out for 10 weeks to give her the space she said she needed and at the time of moving out all she was sayng was "I want to be on my own" and "I dont want a relationship anymore". I respected her wishes and moved, but nothing appeared to have changed so I moved back in two weeks ago and have now found out that she considers us over and has been seeing someone for weeks now.

I have been through massive emotional turmoil since I found out and she has moved back to her parents and house and continues to see him.

So what I ask for is advice on how to win her back? I admit that I have not been Mr Perfect over the last 12 months and now I am sure she is experiencing all the excitement of a new relationship, but I love her so much.

Sadly I have already done the begging and pleading thing and that has got me nowhere so any advice on how to win back the love of your life even though she says she as moved on?

Cheers

[robFord]

There's a common theme on these forums for people wanting to win someone back. Give her space. Right now there's absolutely nothing you can do to make her fall in love with you again. Nothing. Her mind is made up that she's done with the relationship and is in the exploring mindset of things. She's seeing someone new and she likes the new excitement of it all, the detachment from you and your history. She's looking to start fresh with someone else, and no matter what you do she sees you as someone she needs to move on from. The best advice I can give you is to respect her decision and do your best to carry on.

Be there for her, and be there for your children. Do your best to show that you're a man, show strength, compassion and care. Don't beg, she'll just lose respect for you and it'll drive her away more.

You have to suffer through this, there is no other way to win someone back except give them the space they need and hope that eventually they will realize what they are missing. We always want what we can't have, it's our nature and I'm not saying play this like a game, but realize that the longer you are apart, the more space she has from you, she can appreciate the person you are from afar. This is not what you want to hear, but if you really care about her kids, focus your energy on them and not her. Be the amazing dad they need right now and don't paint her as the enemy. Just be amazing. People want to be in love with amazing people.

GOOD LUCK and I'm sorry.

[fraz1170]

many thanks Rob that helps loads. focus on kids is my aim and hopefully she will see what she is missing.