best friend is a bad influence. :(

[dreamtiger]

Dear members,

I am in quite a pickle.

I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. I'm 29, and he's 33.
He recently had to move back into his grandmother's house because she past away and he needs to take care of his grandfather and settle his affairs. His best friend since childhood lives down the street.
His best friend and him have a long history of being bad influences on each other.
I found out my boyfriend was an addict 6 months after we started dating. Things got much worse when he would be around his best friend who is an alcoholic. Finally his friend went into rehab and so did my boyfriend.
My boyfriend has been sober for almost a year now. He's finishing school and getting his life on track. But now that he lives so close to his best friend, they are beginning to spend a lot of time together. The best friend is also sober, but is now more concentrated on "getting laid" than working the AA program. I already see my boyfriend acting differently in just the past few days.
I don't know if I'm overreacting because of all the things that happened in the past.
Should I trust my boyfriend to not fall back into the same old pattern with his friend?
Am I wrong in asking him to spend less time with him because he's been such a bad influence in the past? Also, his therapists in rehab said they shouldn't spend much time together since they are "triggers" for each other.
And lastly, the best friend is always around other girls since he's basically using the AA program to meet women, and since he's the one that drives to the meetings my boyfriend ends up going with him to dinner with these girls.

I don't know what to think.
Any help from this community is most welcome, please.

[xinn1314]

whatever your boyfriend feels at the moment, only time will tell.. but if he really wants the relationship, his love would eventually remains, although you guys might face some hard times.

he and his best friend, well. its really a bad influence, if i were you, i would sound him on continueing with that guy.

[dreamtiger]

thank you dear.

i guess you're right. only time will tell. i just don't know what to do in the meantime.

[devonbrown]

The therapists are absolutely correct. That is one of the major issues with rehab, people go back to the same people/places/routines/etc and the temptation becomes too great.

Add to the recovery the emotional nature of your bf's grandmother passing away, this is a really tough time for him. Would it be possible for you to go spend some time with him? Help him out with his grandfather, be there with him when he is around his friend, etc? I think that would do wonders for your relationship.

It would also give you a chance to talk to him in person. Let him know that his abuse in the past bothered you, but you are really proud that he is sober. However, point out the ACTIVITIES that are concerning you about possible relapse. Try to stay away from criticizing his friend, because I think that would just make him defensive. But make sure he understand that you care about him and don't want anything to happen to him. Hopefully, this type of open and honest communication with him will make him see the light a bit and ease off on his concerning behavior with his buddy.

Good luck.