Confused due to strange behavior of fiancee

[arslan89]

Hi guys i m arslan 21 yrs old and my fiancee's name sabeena 18 yrs old... we are both cousins in relation.. my story is somewhat long hope u ppl wil not get bored of it , here it is as follows;
I love Sabeena so much since 3 or 4 yrs.. One day I visited her home and when I saw her I fell in love wid her and started going their house after 3 or 4 days in start , one day in evening we were alone in room so I told her that I m in love wid her, initially she refused becaise she was afraid that her parents will not agree for this relationship but when I sent my mom to her home they said they are agree for our relationship and soon we got engaged. After that I started visiting their home twice or thrice in a month and have some kissing or hugging with her sometimes. Her family parents brothers , sisters are of somewhat free mind but I always have some doubts in my mind (dont know why) about her from the beginning of our relationship and we also had small fights over cell phone due to my habits of doubting her or stopping her to do her work at home like cooking and cleaning house. Last month her elder sister got married, I also attended that marriage but I was surprised because my fiancee was ignoring me and not behaving me normal like she was before. When I asked her why was she behaving like that with me. She told me that she had said everything that I said to her about stopping her to talk to elder sister's husband and doubting habits and her mother also got very angry at me due to my habits. My fiancee told me not to call her again because her mother had stopped her to have any contact with me and she told me that she respects her mother way too much. Inititally I tried my best efforts to sort out all the things and begged her for one chance and promised her to change myself but it didnot work anymore.I stopped calling her for one day but the other day I was feeling lonely then I called her but instead of answering my call herself, she gave her phone directly to his father and her father was angry at me and said they dont want to have any kind of relationship with me and stopped me to call again to her. I tried my best to let her father assure that I will not repeat those mistakes again and asked many times for forgiveness but he said no. I also sent my mother to their home and my mom talked to my fiancee that she should atleast answer calls but my fiancee said she does not want to have any contact with me. Today I talked to my brother about this matter and he went to their home alongwith his wife to discuss all these things with her parents and her, after all discussion my brother told me that she is very annoyed due to your past behaviour with her as I used to doubted her so much and stopped her to talking to any guy and I even stopped to have male friends at university, as a result she is annoyed of me, she also said that "He gets jealous due to little things and I need a jolly husband not a jealous one". Her parents said that about me that "He is mentally and physically ill , he should become set himself first on his feet then we will think about marriage." But my brother assured them that it will not be repeated anymore and her parents and she said okay we are now only compromising due to you. they said it because they trust my brother so much. So she is now not talking to me anymore and none of her family is answering my calls. My problem is my brother has avoided me to call her as she will tell her father that he is annoying me by calling me again but I can not live without hearing her voice and I am so much depressed and tense due to this situation please suggest me something dear friends. I dont know what to do. My brother has assured that he will help me in this matter and will let me get married to her only if I agree with him. So what should I do? But I am not sure either I am able to get her back or not? And is my relationship is still saved or ended?
HELPPPP
She has told my brother that now she would only talk to if she got married to me then after marriage she will ofcourse do contact with me but not before marriage because due to contact problems increase...

[MerryH]

Wow, I do not understand your culture at all, so any advice I can give would probably not be very helpful. In the US, nobody goes through their family to arrange dates. It's basically unheard of. Having your mother and brother go talk to her family seems very strange to me.

But here's my advice: When a girl says she does not want to see or talk to you any more, you should respect her decision and leave her alone. You shouldn't keep trying over and over and bringing other people in to convince her to give you a chance. That doesn't seem fair. It seems really overbearing and manipulative on your part.

Also, what her parents said probably has some truth and is good advice:

"He is mentally and physically ill , he should become set himself first on his feet then we will think about marriage."

[arslan89]

We are Muslims and it is allowed in our religion to marry to cousins. Now my issue is as follows pls help...
I kept on calling her many times but she did not pick my phone. I also sent my parents to her home to talk to her but still she is not agreeing and her parents are saying that we will never ever let our daughter get married to ME (as someone has told them that I am ill but I am not). I also called her classmates and asked them to talk to me once but she denied and said she never want to talk to me again and she is very happy with her life and she respects her parents' decision. But I am still neither able to move on in my life nor I like any other girl around I just want to marry her but she said she even don't wanna listen to me anymore. Her parents are saying to her that we find someone better than ME for marriage and nowadays they are looking for a groom. I am so much depressed I cry every time and I can't focus on my work or studies anymore. I think I am getting mad and sometime I feel like I should do suicide or shoot her.

[steviej]

Get the message - SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU.

Move on and let this poor girl get on with her life. You are insecure, jealous and small minded. That is why she doesn't want to be with you, you'll make her life miserable and your behaviour reflects this.

Sort your own issues out first before you date other girls, or this cycle will repeat itself.

Having family get involved by trying to convince her and her parents is crazy.

[blinki]

this is one of the most disturbing things i have read on here recently.

LEAVE HER ALONE AND GET SOME HELP!!! by the way you are behaving, i don't blame her parents for what they have said.

do something about yourself.

[arslan89]

But I am ready to change all bad habits of me. On the other hand I also know that everything is over now and they do not want to have any relation with our family. How do I let her and her family know that I am ready to adopt positive changes in me. Now they hate me.

Get the message - SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU.

Move on and let this poor girl get on with her life. You are insecure, jealous and small minded. That is why she doesn't want to be with you, you'll make her life miserable and your behaviour reflects this.

Sort your own issues out first before you date other girls, or this cycle will repeat itself.

Having family get involved by trying to convince her and her parents is crazy.

[MerryH]

I think I am getting mad and sometime I feel like I should do suicide or shoot her.

Get some professional mental help. Seriously, this is disturbing and something only crazy people say.

Leave the girl alone, leave her family alone. They don't care that you're ready to make changes. Don't bother them with it.

[arslan89]

U mean to say that there is no way she can come back in my life? is there any way?

[blinki]

NO. and you're making this situation so much worse than it his to be. imagine how scared she would be if she read this. please give up and move on. and like others have also suggested, GET HELP.

[VincenzoG91]

U mean to say that there is no way she can come back in my life? is there any way?

Maybe at family reunions.

[arslan89]

I spent 3 days of my life without her. I still miss her so much. Please help me get back.

[blinki]

i don't know what we can say to you any longer. you're obviously set in your ways, although we've told you to stop. have you taken any of our advice at all???

[arslan89]

Dear I am getting some professional help and following all advices given to me here. But at the same time I can't get her out of my life because I love her so much. I just want her to let know that I love her so much and I will repeat those irritating things again.

i don't know what we can say to you any longer. you're obviously set in your ways, although we've told you to stop. have you taken any of our advice at all???

[jb1111983]

Man, are you for real? You sound more like an immature troll to me. In case you're serious (which I highly doubt) leave her alone. You're not the right guy for her. Let her marry a man who will love her and not think about shooting her.

[blinki]

Dear I am getting some professional help and following all advices given to me here. But at the same time I can't get her out of my life because I love her so much. I just want her to let know that I love her so much and I will repeat those irritating things again.

i think you should get help BEFORE you even think about having a life with someone. show that you are trying to change by example, and discontinuing this behaviour right away. do not contact her.