"I'm not your sweetheart" definition

[Isotopes]

Hi there-

I'm french. I met an american woman 3 weeks ago. We spent a lot of time together and I kissed her 2 days ago. Today she answered one of my text where she said "Hey you, I'm not your sweetheart "
In my last text I wrote "hey sweetheart..."
I'd like to know what it means because maybe I don't understand the hint and the real definition...

Does it mean "I'm not your girlfriend" ?
is the word "sweetheart" condescending ?

What would you recommend to answer?

Thanks !

[girl68]

It may mean she's not your gf, but the similey face leads me to believe she wants you to ask her to be.

[Leo Lamaze]

I'd like to know what it means because maybe I don't understand the hint and the real definition...

Yes, "sweetheart" can be somewhat condescending if you are lucky enough to have found a strong-minded American woman - which it sounds like you have. Congratulations However, the smiley-face is a definite indicator that she knows you're not down with American lingo. To me it does NOT sound like she's saying "I'm not your girlfriend" - it definitely has to do with your choice of words. If you just met her, try not to use words like "sweetheart", "honey", "baby" and the like. Just use friendly words, and let her know that you are really looking forward to see her again.

Good luck

[Isotopes]

Thanks for your replies.

Yes she's strong-minded and we are always joking around. Since she learns french and I learn english we are making fun of each other all the time.
I think the smiley may indicate that it's one of her jokes but it may be related to the fact that I haven't asked her to be my girlfriend yet. Actually I don't know if nowadays you should ask such things.

I think i'll answer that "first off you should learn to read because I didn't say "hey my sweetheart" but "hey sweetheart" so I'm guessing your freudian slip indicates you want me to say that" then add some smileys to express that's no big deal. What do you think?

But yeah it's tricky to know the sociological background/real definition of words. What words could I use to express that I do care about her (she's not just a friend) without saying that she's more than she wants to be right now ?

[IndigoGal]

I'd reply back simply with, "Well, maybe you should be." or maybe, "Well, would you like to be?" That is if you want to ask her. Yes, people do still ask to become exclusive or become someone's boyfriend/girlfriend. By my understanding until that happens it's understood that people might still be dating others.

If you don't want to go there at all maybe try something like, "Sorry, I meant to say, Hey beautiful."

[falnangel]

Did you ever think of just asking her what she meant by that?

Being direct about it will likely give you the answer you're seeking.

[vashti]

Yes, "sweetheart" can be somewhat condescending if you are lucky enough to have found a strong-minded American woman -

What?

No.

[Leo Lamaze]

What?

All right, I'm not American, so I yield. Had she been from Scandinavia, she might have torn his nuts off though

[surfhb]

All right, I'm not American, so I yield. Had she been from Scandinavia, she might have torn his nuts off though

Im sorry, but if youve kissed a girl and she offended you call her sweetheart that bitch aint worth anything! To the OP, she might be flirting with you as well. Keep up the "sweetheart" talk but dont be condescending or disrespectful

[Isotopes]

Ok... to me it sounds like she was joking because she used the smiley. However it indicates also that our relationship is not clear right now. Last time we met I held her hands, cuddled, we kissed, ... It looks like she was my girlfriend. I don't know maybe as she's american she's expecting a more official "do you wanna be my girlfriend?". She's out of town for a week.

To all the american woman over here : if you told the guy you started dating, kissing etc... "I'm not your sweetheart " what would you mean?

[vashti]

I honestly do't know what she's thinking, it's a very odd response. she may be fishing for an official agreement, or she may not like you anymore.

[surfhb]

This is an easy one to handle. Just tell her this:

" I didn't say you were MY Sweetheart....I said you were A sweetheart because your eyes are so pretty and your kisses make me smile"

Not lying....compliments her and teases her all in one line!!!!

[Isotopes]

she told me that "sweetheart" is for someone you're dating for a long time... I'm guessing she thinks we are officially "together".
But I wait till I see her to talk about that

[vashti]

she told me that "sweetheart" is for someone you're dating for a long time...

That's ridiculous. She probably just doesn't care for that particular term of endearment.

[warriormaiden]

Or maybe she just finds pet names so early to be offensive. I know if I'm just getting to know a guy, I don't want him calling me, ' baby, sweetheart, darling, love, sexy, honey' or anything of the like.
The smiley could have easily been her way of correcting you but without sounding like a total bitch. I do that all the time.