Long.. but please read & help! I'm so confused.

[SpiffyDoodle]

Sorry, this is long! I've just never been in this position. Okay so my friends introduced me to this guy about a month ago. We're both 20 years old. I guess he went to our high school freshman year, but I didn't remember ever seeing him. I guess like a month or so ago, he got out of a 3 year relationship. He just moved back in with his parents, because he used to live with his ex. I saw him three other times when I hung out with my friends, and they encouraged me to get to know him. He didn't seem like my type, but with them accusing me of liking him, I kind of started to. My friends and I were even talking about throwing a motel party, and he said I could stay in his room (& if there was only one bed, I could have it.) Well my friends and I got into a fight (I think both of them actually KIND of liked him, despite them both having boyfriends) so he and I didn't hangout for a while, but he texted me EVERY single day. Then one day he asked me to hang come hangout with him when he got out of work, so I said okay.. This was our first time hanging out without my friends, and it was sort of awkward. We’re both really shy, so we only ended up doing a little bit of cuddling. He asked if he could kiss me, too, but I said no. He explained that he wasn’t looking for a relationship right now, but if I was interested in being friends with benefits, we could do that. I told him I’d think about it. We ended up staying up all night, because he said he didn't want me to leave. We didn't sleep, so we just talked all night, and I ended up leaving at like 6 am because he and his sister were going on vacation. We ended up texting the whole weekend, and on the last night he was on vacation, he called me. He told me he missed me a lot already, and we just talked about random things. He called me like 3 more times that night, too. We talked about the whole friends with benefits thing, and I told him I didn’t know if I wanted to do it because I had one before, and I ended up getting too attached. I asked him what boundaries we would set, and he said we would just be friends that kissed, cuddled, and maybe more.. And we’d also go on dates, and it would be like we were dating but he just didn’t want it to be official at least for a while. In his opinion, FWB’s could develop feelings for each other. He said he’d call me when he got home the next day, because he wanted to hang out and take me out to a nice dinner.

So we ended up hanging out the next day.. Watched some movies, cuddled, and he kissed me. It was cute kissing, too, like Eskimo kisses, and kissing my forehead. He started talking about all these things he wanted us to do over the summer, like go to an amusement park, and said he wanted to go to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter with me. I ended up going home at like 2am because he had to work the next day. Then he asked if I wanted to hang out 2 days later, so we got pizza & watched more movies. He told me he missed me again. When we hung out we kissed, and cuddled as usual. I ended up falling asleep during one of the movies, and he woke me up because he had to go to sleep because of work in the morning. He said if I was too tired, I could just stay the night. I was, and so we both just went to sleep. The next morning, he kissed me before I left and told me to text him later. That day he barely texted me back, which was weird because before then he constantly texted me. I thought maybe he felt weird about me staying the night, but didn’t put too much thought into it. The next day he asked me what I was doing over the weekend, and he said if I wanted I could stay the night on Friday and we could go out and do something. I got a little drunk that night, and texted him asking why exactly he didn’t want a relationship.. But he didn’t reply. Then I drunk texted, and said I missed him. He said he was going to bed, and stopped replying. So the next night we ended up going to a late movie, and then when we got back to his house we decided to cuddle and watch some tv. We ended up having sex for the first time, and then cuddled for quite a while. He got really mad because my ex texted me, and he told me it wasn’t right for me to be texting another guy while I was with him. He also told me that I should tell my ex that we were dating, so that he’d stop bothering me all the time. The next morning we got up, and went to get some breakfast.. Then he told me he was gonna go play some sports with his buddy, so of course that meant I should go home. He kissed me in the car, and then we parted ways. I didn’t want to seem “needy” so I didn’t text him until later that night, but he kind of ignored me. That made me feel like crap. So yet again, the next day I waited until later that night to text him, and again he kind of ignored me. So I decided to ask him when he wanted to hang out again and he’s like “IDK”. And so I said “What about tomorrow?” and he said sure.. I brought up that before he always seemed excited to hang out with me, and now he didn’t. I asked him if he was acting this way because we had sex, and he told me not to be dumb. Somehow the subject of dating came up, and he said “You know how I feel about that. I DON’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW.” And then said maybe we were hanging out too much, because it seemed like I was getting the wrong idea. The next day I apologized for what happened the previous night, and he said it was okay, he just didn’t want me to get the wrong idea, and that he did KINDA like me, but didn’t want anything serious right now. He said we could still hang out when he got off of work, but he didn’t end up getting home until kind of late. We ended up going bowling, and things were good. We went back to his house, and laid in bed watching a movie. I asked him if he decided that he didn’t want us to cuddle, or kiss, because of what happened, and then he kissed me. We cuddled for a while after that, and then ended up having sex again. I told him we should hangout again sometime this week, and he told me he wasn’t sure he’d have time. We went to sleep, and then this morning he kissed me and told me to text him later on, & he’d talk to me on his break… Well, for a while he texted me back, and then he started ignoring me again. So I waited four hours, and then texted and asked how work was going. No reply. Four more hours went by, and texted him again. No reply. I know he’s out of work now, and I don’t get why he’s not replying. You know, I understand that he doesn’t want a relationship, but I don’t get why he’s sending me all of these mixed signals! He asked his dad if his ex could borrow a cooler over the weekend, but when I asked him if he wanted to chill this weekend, he told me he had to work. I’m not sure if he’s starting to talk to his ex again, and maybe that’s why he’s ignoring me.. He used to always text me in the morning saying “Good morning pretty lady” and asking me how I slept.. And would end the night with “Sweet dreams”. And he always insists on paying for everything. I’ve never been in a situation like this before, and it’s really starting to mess with me. I’m thinking about just not texting him again, but it’s hard because I do like him.

Any input would be greatly appreciated.. I'm just so confused.

[nutman]

I feel like I should reply after reading all that

I don't really understand this friends with benefits business. Surely if you're having sex with someone and saying things like 'Good morning pretty lady' etc. then you have feelings for them, in regards to him anyway. You obviously have feelings for him or you wouldn't be getting so paranoid about whether he's texting you back every 5 minutes. Sounds like you just need to have a chat with him about what's going on. If he's unwilling to share, then give him some space, don't get paranoid about why he's not behaving like he used to. Just let him know that you care, and he shouldn't worry about telling you what's going on, and you'll be there for him when he does decide to talk. If he just becomes more and more distant and is unwilling to share with you what the problem is, then maybe it's time to let him go, or at least pretend to, as in doing that he may realise what he's just lost, you

But from what I've just read, it sounds like you ARE in a relationship, not this FWB rubbish. And in a relationship, there's no place for secrets! The truth must be sought, or you'll just go mad thinking about what it may be, which isn't good for you! And if it cannot be found, then don't pursue it, and break things off.

But like I have put in every post I've left on this forum so far, only you know best, don't take my advice without really considering it, for I don't know much about the situation really, only those couple of paragraphs you've written.