The age old question...

[madmonkey]

Do I or don’t I?

Yes its one of ‘those threads’. Wall of text approaching!

I few months ago I met a girl at my best mates house party and we hit it off. I mentioned this to my pal and he secretly passed on my number to her the next day. Much to my surprise she text me later on and we got chatting.

After a few false starts we eventually met up again in a group gathering in town and got on like a house on fire. In fact she invited me back to her place that night to continue our chat (Incidently there was no funny business, im old fashioned like that. We just spent the time connecting.)

Since then we have met up often, rarely going a week without seeing each other whether it be a drink or walking in the peak districs an activity we recently discovered we are both fans of.

I must admit, I have developed strong feelings for her and I know she is interested in me due to a text she sent my best mate stating as much (Him and her go way back) But I also get mixed signals from her. Whenever I try and arrange a meeting she is always up for it and hasn’t turned me down once. But if we meet up in the company of mutual friends she often acts cold and distant.

One night in particular springs to mind: We were both out with separate groups and she text me saying come to x pub and meet up for a drink with us, so off we went. On arriving, my best mate got a huge hug while she barely acknowledged my presence. Odd considering she asked me to come down. After a drink our groups went our separate ways and continued on. Later that night I got a call from her asking for my help. She had drank a wee bit more than she should and collapsed in a toilet. Naturally I rushed down and carried her home. (And I mean that quite literally). Without going into the gory details, she was very ill and I stayed awake the whole night at her place keeping watch over her. I always found it strange how she called me when she was out with her mates anyway... If anybody could shed some light on this episode I would be very grateful!

I was mulling over whether or not to tell her how I feel when my mate informed me that she already knows due to a conversation the 2 had. She said she is interested also, but doesn’t think I am ready for a relationship and neither is she. We have both been burned bad in the past so its natural we are both cautious.

Which leads me to my current quandary: She ‘knows’ how I feel without me ‘knowing that she knows’ which gives her time to consider things without feeling like she is leaving me hanging, which I suppose is a good thing. But the longer this goes on the deeper into the dreaded friend zone I become. If she only wants me as a friend I am more than happy with that as she is a truly great girl and having her as a friend is no loss in my book. But I also feel we would make a good couple, we connect in so many ways.

On one hand I want to tell her face to face how I feel as the suspension is killing me. On the other I don’t want to wade in and say something that may put a dent in our friendship, as even if we don’t make a go of it I sure don’t want to risk her becoming distant due to it.

So im confused as to how to proceed frankly. Any advice would be appreciated

[Mathias]

You're not even her boyfriend - why delve into a huge diatribe about how you feel? Ask her out, kiss her, and see where it goes from there.

[leoben]

If a girl invites you back to her place, make a move! Girls know what inviting back to their place means, and she might turn you down but it's much worse to insult her by “just spending the time connecting”.

When it comes to your relationship with her, she seems very connected to that best friend. Considering you only get a call now when he's around I would guess she's into him and trying to stir up jealousy by pretending to date you.

Rather then embarrassing yourself by admitting you have deep feelings after being treated like crap, I would just accept the demotion to the friends zone and try to find a girl that's more interested.

[devonbrown]

Ask her out on a date. Make sure to use the word date so there is no confusion. Make it casual - a movie or dinner or something. If she says yes, then that is great. If she says no, then play it off and retain your friendship with her. Don't go on about how much you like her though. That might freak her out a little bit. Just tell her that you have been thinking about it and it might be fun to go on an actual date with her.

Good luck.

[Mathias]

Rather then embarrassing yourself by admitting you have deep feelings after being treated like crap, I would just accept the demotion to the friends zone and try to find a girl that's more interested.

Why not just make a move and know for sure? Seems better in the long run, since you'll never be wondering about it.

[madmonkey]

Hmm a veritable spectrum of advice. That whole connection with my best mate thing; Its just friendship im positive of that, and as for not having sex right off that bat, well thats just how I am. I dont generally try and **** a girl right away, im a bit of a romantic at heart. I would say just asking her out is the way to go. I'll get my answer one way or another

[Mathias]

Hmm a veritable spectrum of advice. That whole connection with my best mate thing; Its just friendship im positive of that, and as for not having sex right off that bat, well thats just how I am. I dont generally try and **** a girl right away, im a bit of a romantic at heart. I would say just asking her out is the way to go. I'll get my answer one way or another

I don't think anyone said you have to sleep with her. You do have to make some sort of move - and not just a date.

[madmonkey]

Your not wrong Mathias. I certainly need to get my ass in gear!

[leoben]

Hmm a veritable spectrum of advice. That whole connection with my best mate thing; Its just friendship im positive of that, and as for not having sex right off that bat, well thats just how I am. I dont generally try and **** a girl right away, im a bit of a romantic at heart. I would say just asking her out is the way to go. I'll get my answer one way or another

If a friend passed me a girl's number without a specific reason for it (I'm selling a car and shes interested in it etc.) I would take that as sexual interest. She invited you back to her apartment to see what you would do, and you did nothing. She accepted all your invitations out probably assuming they were some sort of date, and you did nothing. That's insulting to a girl when she puts herself out there like that and you don't take advantage. You don't have to have sex with her, but at least go for a kiss.

As for what to do now? Having a discussion with her about how you have feelings will almost surely get you the “I see you as a friend” speech. The only thing you can really do is be romantic and try to go for a kiss next time you get her to go out with you. But after 2 months of inaction I'm not sure even that will be successful.