At my wits end

[T.K]

Hello there.
Sorry this is a bit long winded, and my english is not good, but any input on my problem would be much appreciated..


My problem is the relationship between myself and my partner, We have been together for approximately 3 years now,
She is 22 and im 32. At the start our relationship was amazing, I could`nt wait to see her when we were apart and loved every second I would spend with her, and as far as I could tell she felt the same way about me, After being together for about 1 year we moved into our own place together and things just couldnt get any better. Except for one thing.. She was very jealous over me and very insecure, I tried being very considerate towards her insecurities always assuring her I was not interested in other women, I told her all the time how I love her and I always complimented on how she looks and how I feel about her I also suggested that maby a professional counciler would help, she agreed and attended a few sessions, This seemed to help her alot and she really came out of her shell, after this everything seemed brilliant, the counciling appeared to have helped alot, our relationship was strong and continued to grow and our love life was great. My partner was as sexually active as myself and we just couldnt get enough of each other, but about 18 months ago that all started to changed.. I think maby because I tried talking to her with regards to our starting to fail lovelife I may have driven her away?? Im not sure about this but its the only thing I can think of, I was trying to talk to her about how our lovelife had gone down hill, always being the same all the time, even though before we were both adventurious. Basicially its like someone pressed a switch and she completely lost all interest. At first I though it was like a phase or something she was going through and that she would work things out in her own time but 18 months later things have gone from bad to worse. Ive tried to talk to her about this on several occasions but although she acknowledges she has lost interest and she sees the problem she cannot offer an explination for her feelings/ or lack of.. Ive tried everything I can think of, From trying to talk to her about it, this gets us nowhere, she either isnt able or isnt willing to talk about it, Ive tried giving her space, again its done no good, ive even tried flirting with her and teasing her and ive gave her time (18 months of it) but no luck here either.. Ive asked her if ive done and anything to upset her but she keeps insisting I hav`nt and there is nothing I can do to make things better. Im not by any means wealthy, infact daily day to day life financually is a struggle for me, she works but I do not due to a lifelong health problem. We genarally keep our own moneys to ourselves although we share home bills etc (well.. when she offeres), I would always save coming up to xmas and birthdays etc and get her really nice gifts yet the strange thing is ive never really recieved any in return, NOT that I expect or require them. I get satisfaction out of treating her when i can, she would buy me the odd book and I always recieve cards from her but thats it, seems a bit odd as her weekly income as over £350 and mine is £90ish (benefits). I dont believe she is a gold digger maby just inconsiderate, Anyway the reason im saying this is because receintly she has given me reason to think she dislikes the fact that im always struggling to make ends meet, now dont get me wrong...I never ask her for money, and I dont expect her to have to help me, I just get on with it and do the best I can on what I have.. but i get the impression she would prefer i was wealthy, why would she feel like this given the circumstances discribed? I believe if you love someone then you love them for who they are and not any other reason, To me it doesnt matter Wealthy/poor, Homeless/Millionaire, Good health/ Ill Health love is love and these things shouldnt matter.. Am i seeing it wrong?? So from her getting more and more distant sexually, to getting much less affectionate, to being completely selfish, we are like house mates now, no kisses or cuddles. Deep down I love her to bits, and if my feelings were not so strong I would just have walked away by now, im at my wits end and have no idea what I should do, Although deep down I love her I also have this gut wrenching feeling that the damage is done and we will never be the same again, for me anyways thats how I think I feel, It seems like im the only one willing to try sort this out but she just doesnt seem to care, Also ive asked her if there is someone else but she swears there isnt, and I believe her, she is just NOT that type. I honestly believe im going to have to walk away, I dont want too but I cant go on like this anymore, Its getting me down, then she sees me down and huffs because im not my usual self?? I just cant pretend everything is great when it just isnt, how does she expect me to be cheerful and happy when im watching what was for a while an amazing relationship go down the tube??? She just cant or wont talk about it, wont seek help, yet gets up every morning expecting everything to be normal. like I should just get on with it?? There is probably tonnes of bits ive missed here but thats the basic outline, also Im very sorry for the typing/spelling errors,, english was never my strong point. lol

Thanks
TK

[smackie9]

She is way too young to be in a long term committed relationship. She hasn't lived life yet. You two are at different points in your lives and well it's knocking this relationship out of balance. I bet she is pondering on what she is missing out on hence the lack of energy and interest in your relationship. She just maybe confused about what do do atm....stay and regret or enjoy her youth while she has it. I have seen many dudes in your position all confused with what is going on...well age difference does play a factor here and she maybe getting the itch to get out. Don't get all defensive....it's just my opinion.