Will he change his mind? :'(

[LayDark]

I'm a female 16 years old, and he is 18 years old.
We had been together for 18 monthes, and we were eachothers first long lasting relationship. There was no infidelity as such, and we are both very much intelligent. We have so much in common, we are interested in all the same things...
We were almost together every single day, we talked together every single day, simply couldn't live without eachother.. He was my other half.
The thing is, I haven't been the best girlfriend I could be, and he was the best boyfriend. Ever. (I don't hope this will be too long) He always stood up for me, when I was crying he was always there, when he did something wrong
he was indeed sorry, and he had a very extreme conscience, and sometimes I really did not respect that.
Whenever we had a fight, and he opened up to me, trying to communicate, I couldn't tell him what I was thinking. I just couldnt. Either I didn't know what i was thinking, or I couldn't explain it. And I always reacted by saying nasty things, I one even thread him with infidelity! I was so depressed, and even though he knew I didn't mean it, yet he was mad anyway for me even saying that (and I fully understand that.. I also told him that, but he was very angry so i guess my apology weren't fully heard)

In the last month to half a year, (I really don't know how long..) our relationship was just stuck. We were going nowhere. He did everything he could, and I progressed too slowly, so he asked for a break. I agreed because I needed it too, I was hurt deeply, and today I'm not sure why. He said right before our break, before the easterholidays "I want it to be before the easter holiday, because I can't stand not seeing you the full holiday.." he started crying and continued "I'm just so afraid, I will find out I do not want to be with you anymore"

After (almost) a week had passed(I stopped it earlier, because I couldn't stand it anymore) I showed up in his home. And there, he broke up...
he said I weren't realistic and mature enough, because I didn't communicate with him (I always told him I want him to read my mind...) and that is of course the only way to maintain a stable relationship. A lot of things were said there by me that shouldn't have said. I Actually came too to break up, but when he broke up with me, I regretted it all... Because I finally took time to understand his views. He even said "Maybe I'll come back to you begging in a week" And guess what I said? "Then I possibly can't take you back..." because I was so demostated... We both left, being sad...before I left he told me "One day I will get over you..." that hurt...

Forexample, of how I wanted him to "read me" was that I didn't have sex with him, I didn't feel comfortable with it.. Then I started lying and I only made it harder for him to guess, because I was so hurt. I said "Sex doesn't mean that much to me" and god hell it means a lot to me, I would only do it with him. Ever. When I say that today, he don't believe me.
The thing was that I think he was too unromantic when we had it, he did things I said would turn me on, and it did, when I didn't actually believe he "became" that. He was that "sweet" guy, and I wanted him to "pretend" to be dominating and such. But then he just.. Dominated, without even thinking of how I felt. I talked with him about it later, and he started crying, felt guilty and said he thought that's what I wanted, and I asked him "Wasn't it clear that it was uncomfortable to me?!" And he just said yes... but he couldn't see it...

I talked a lot about "celebrity guys" and "hot guys in the bus" to him, and I didn't tread him very well.. All of this goes because I felt so hurt of him not reading me clearly.

I also wanted him to "prove his love" and so he did by visiting me in the middle of the night with his bike, cycling 15 kilometres to apologize for something that sometimes always wasn't his fault. He really was a man at heart.
And I was grateful everytime he did it.

So I tried to do the same the night he broke up, It had been 7 hours or so, so there I stood outside his house in the middle of the night, and guess what? He weren't home. He was at a friend, and said he would come home to get me, I told him not to, and that I would go home, and he said that I needed to contact him when i got home safely.

The next day I sent him a text message to.. Yeah, "beg and plead him to take me back", but it was just to ask him "Shall I wait for you?" stupid I know. But I had not realised the break-up yet, not at all...
And he called me about the text message, and told me that he just couldn't take our relationship anymore, in the end he said, he said "If and only IF this is over for good..." so he wants me to doubt I guess then he said "But for now, I want you to get over me. Please don't contact me..." and I asked him to please contact do it when he made his mind, and he said he wouldn't know if he did it. He doesn't want to be my friend because he loved me so much. He said that the only reason he spoke to me, was because it would make me more comfortable, he really wouldn't wanna talk to me, and such... After he said I shouldn't contact him anymore, I told him to hang up if I even tried to call him, and then he answered "I couldn't do that to you, I will answer no matter what" and I'm really shocked how anyone can be so sweet even after a break-up! But well, now I haven't contacted him since that, and I'm planning not to till there has at least gone a month..

He even said "I have to be honest now, the last couple of weekends we should have been together, and your mother for some reason didn't allow you too.. I was relieved.. I can't stand it anymore" and so on :'( it really really hurt a lot.

So the main reason he broke up, was due to the lack of communication, because I'm not mature enough, he even told me that "In two years we would have been a perfect fit" due to my maturity level. About his feelings, he said he still loves me, just not our relationship. He always cry when he hears me cry, but on the phone he did not cry, and he said he couldn't because... he didn't feel it. He also pointed out how disappointed he was in me for not opening up, and he is right. He also felt like I was "the best friend he could never have"
So basically, he said he felt like: He loves me, he don't care about me, he is disappointed in me. I'm pretty much confused!

I'm now aware of what I did wrong, and I know I have a lot to work with myself, but I know I can do it, and I really wanna do it for him! As you read he is the most mature, caring, sweet, loving guy, to ever be planted on this earth, and I am so sure I want to give this another go. We didn't have sex for 6 month, and he was so sad because of that, but he didn't break up at all because of that. Not many other guys could have lasted that, and not many other guys think of sex as "only with one person you really love" and being really intelligent.. Not in my country, and what i have seen. He did so much for me, and I didn't give enough... I wanna be the girl who can do that, I wanna make him happy!

He said he didn't need to be with friends, and that he thinks it will be harder for me, because I need some friends to talk to, (and he does have a lot more than I do.) almost everyday since we broke up he has been together with some.. I'm afraid he is forgetting me, because he is spending so much time with friends. I only have two and they barely have time and live far from me, his friends live 5 minutes away, so everything is so easy for him. What if he rather be with his friends than me?
More like... Doesn't he want to have a girlfriend, because he will rather hang out with friends? :'(

Today, I have NC'ed with him for 7 days. We would have had 1,5 year anniversery yesterday, and it hurts so much not being able to contact him.
The ONLY thing not making me loose my mind completely, is the hope that is 2-3 weeks he will contact me, and trying to make it work. But sometimes the hope leaves me, and I'm almost suicidal. Please help me. I tried improving myself and such, but I can only think clearly when I think he will get back together with me. I will not contact him in this month, and I'm really going to be stubborn about this: I want him to love me, I don't want a relationship in dependance, I really won't... and I will hope no-contact will show him...

So my questions are:
Now that I know what to improve, should I follow my plan to leave him alone for a month, then meet up with him and talk in a not-depressing-angry-anxious way about how I improved myself and such? I'm afraid he will think I'll only change because he wants me to. I'm not, I really do see my mistakes clearly, and I understand him, can I make myself more reliable to him?

Should I wait more than just a month?

Do you think he will contact me before a month? I asked one of his friends how he seems to be, and he says he seems to be fine right now. Will he even miss me? I know he is thinking of me. But I'm afraid it's only the bad things, we were programming games together, made out own food recipes we did so much together. Will he forget that because of all the bad?

Or should I really just "pretend" I'm good, and pretend as if the problems shouldn't be talked about right now, and try to "make up" with him again, like.. Following the guide from "The Magic of Making Up" and "Get Him Back Forever"? (I downloaded them free on a torrent site - just search)
Is it really a bad idea to talk about the bad stuff?

If anyone else had read the book "The Magic of Making Up" does anyone know if the "Instant Reconnect Technique" works good? (It's where you "wipe off" an insect or food particle in his face, wipe a hair off his shirt aso.)

What I am most afraid of is that if he says "No, I won't be yours again" I would instantly start begging him, like a reflex or something. How should I react? Would it be too late? :'( The only thing that makes me not doing something extremely stupid, like killing myself, is the thought of him maybe going back to me. It would mean so much to me that my first love will be the last. It really will...

[steviej]

Your behaviour in the relationship has been terrible, it's no wonder he doesn't want to get back with you. Possibly try suggesting instead just going on a date again with him, meet up, talk, laugh, but don't just jump straight back into a full on relationship. See him a bit and then leave it a few days, he has to learn to trust you and that you are taking steps to change.

Why don't you have many friends? This is something you really need to work on, it's not healthy to be in a relationship where on partner doesn't have any close friends. You need to show a bit more independence, he may well have been feeling smothered and now he has his freedom. He needs to see that if he got back with you he could see you and be able to go out and see his friends.

Good luck, if it doesn't work out you will at least have learnt a lot from this and won't make these mistakes in future relationships.

[LayDark]

I know and I feel terrible. It's because I deep inside never really trusted him either, I think it came to that when in the start of the relationship he said he still had feelings for his ex, I could never let myself forgive that, so this mask just kept being build :'(

it's just all on my school act like they are 5 years old, they smoke to be "cool" and I just think I'm way better than this... There's only a few I can talk to there :'(

[imagineallthe]

hei er du dansk?
I'ts hard to accept things like this, but try to accept that it has happened. Don't pretend to be better or to be happy or anything! You have to BE. If you want to grow up like you say, then just do it! Don't even worry of what he thinks of the matter. I was like this with my ex and he broke up with me because of that - but now it's been years and he says he still miss us and love me. I think guys realise it after some time, they just hang with tons of friends first and really try to forget.

Breaking up can be healthy as well. Getting suicidal over ANYONE is a bad sign, you need to be strong on your own and here is your chance. I know, I know. You don't see it like that right now, but in time - you will be stronger and more comfortable being just you. Cry your eyes out, be depressed, whatever. It will come that day where you realise that; wow. I'm capable of managing my life without him. I'm even happy being just me.

I didn't have a lot of friends either but when I moved it all changed. So realise that too: loneliness and lack of friends is usually a passing thing. It will change, that's life for better and worse; it always changes.

Good luck! =)

[Yet another guy]

I bet if he had been more of a jerk rather than a nice guy, you would have treated him better and you would still be together. I hope that he doesn't turn into a jerk because of his terrible experience with you though.

[Boisdevie]

Your relationship is over. Deal with it.

[smackie9]

Look hun, you are only 16. You should be having fun and enjoy the attention of many boys. You are way too young to be in a long term committed relationship. Relationships will come and go in your life. The next one will end and so on. This is how we get prepared for marriage. You need that experience in order to make your future marriage survive. Wait til you become an adult and you will see that with your new found freedoms will be great if you are single and can enjoy clubbing, etc. You most certainly won't want to be tied down...trust me on that one.

[LayDark]

ImagineAll Ja jeg er dansk

Yetanotherguy: No, you see.. I'm not falling for jerks... That's why he's the only guy in my I'll ever love. Lol.
Smackie9, what you may not have realised I'm not like most other people... I don't find "parties and clubbing" fun, I rather think it's kinda... immature, somewhat...
And I'm not going to "wait till I'm an adult" I think that's a stupid way of thinking. I can have even better and longer lasting relationship than a fully mature adult,
It all depends on who you are and how you do. And I done bad, and if I don't get him back, I will have learned a lot. But I want him to see what I have learned

Thanks for all the answers... More support is of course greatly appreciated, and thanks ^^

[LoveIsALie]

If you're looking for support, you won't find it in my post. But if you truly wish to grow, then read on. From your post, I can see that you are very selfish; what you made him do during the relationship (getting him to do all these things for you), after the relationship (showing up at his door and trying to get him back), and also why you want him back is all reasons for making you happy--not him.

You believe he is "the one" only because he's willing to please your every whim and desire at the expense of himself. He even changed for you. You also won't think about being with anyone else, because you might not get the next guy to be your emotional and physical slave. This is the real reason why you want him back; the very thought of him being with someone else and providing her with the same love and care means he is not a slave to you any longer and you have lost your power over him.

My advice is simple: You are selfish, stop thinking about yourself all the time and think about others. Right now he WANTS to be alone, respect his wish, if you truly care for him.

[Yet another guy]

Yetanotherguy: No, you see.. I'm not falling for jerks... That's why he's the only guy in my I'll ever love. Lol.

That's unfortunate because nice guys deserve better than you.
I do hope that you have the will to change your personality and fix your flaws, though. But I doubt there's any chance to get back with your ex now even if you change.