this story starts back in 2004 while i was in highschool. my parents had gotten divorced a couple years prior and my mother moved about an hour and a half away. my two siblings had moved with her and me and my dad would go to see them twice or three times a month on the weekends. over time i developed a crush on her neighbor, a girl that lived two doors down. we became best of friends over time and since i had always been the fat kid and zero confidence it took me about a year to muster up the courage to ask her out. she said yes and we became inseparable for the next two years. we had our ups and downs through out the relationship, mainly her parents were not accepting of an older boyfriend being in the picture. after they found out we were having sex they really began to get between the two of us. her dad threatened me over the phone with statutory rape and restraining order threats. of course that didnt stop us and we continued to date and have sex. eventually she tells me she is late and that she may be pregnant. unlike most teens i am not a loser and do have real intentions on marrying this girl so i was ecstatic. obviously the thought of being a dad at 17 is a little overwhelming but we had been talking about getting married and having kids someday anyways so we decided we were going to keep the baby, get married, and be the happy family that i never had. a girl like her and a baby is all i ever wanted and she knew that. well about a month into her pregnancy she had some complications and miscarried, i was devastated. she could sense my disappoitment when she broke the news to me and offered to try and have another baby if i really wanted it. i told her that i did but not at the time considering we were not financially stable nor had either of us graduated high school. eventually her parents continual harrassment becomes too much for her to handle and there constant encouragement for her to find someone else gets to her. she tell me she is going to go to a graduation party with a guy that she previously cheating on me with while we were together and i told her that was out of the question, she told me if i didnt like it i didnt have to be together with her so i told her we were done in the heat of the moment. of course i really i got a little heating and may have gone overboard by breaking up with her instead of talking about it like we usually do. so i call and tell her im sorry and she say she wants to take a brake. next thing you know she is dating this other dude. needless to say i was heartbroken. couldnt eat or sleep for a week, my mental and physical health deteriorated. i began to consider suicide all the time. the love of my life and my best friend was gone and to make things worse she was having sex with some other dude shortly after we had broken up. i didnt take it well and we got in a huge fight that culminated into zero communication between the two of us. fast forward 6 months. i am sitting at a friends house playing xbox and her phone pops up on my cell phone. i let it ring a few times deliberating on whether or not i want to answer it, of course the curiosity gets the best of me and i answer it. things were no different then anytime i had ever talked to her on the phone i told her how bad i missed her and she said the same thing back to me. three hours later she told me she had to go to bed and asked if id call her tomorrow, i told her i would try because i was going to in arrowhead and it was hard to get reception in the mountains. the next day i was there and couldnt get reception all day so i finally used the land line to call that night and she told me she was at work and to call back the next day. well for whatever reason i was never able to call her until i got back into town 3 days later. at that time she wasnt so anxious to take my calls or spend time talking on the phone. every day i hadnt been with her i spent hours agonizing over why we couldnt be together and at this point that had not changed. things pretty much go back to nornal and we hardly ever talk i just get a text every once in a while like "i miss you" or "i still love you" whiich makes the situation worse. about another 6 months later i get a text that says "im pregnant". i snapped and had a panic attack. i couldnt believe the girl i had planned to have kids with was having this losers baby. i expressed my dislike for the situation and make it very clear to her my thoughts about her being a single mother and ruining her life. she insisted that this loser had said he was going to step up and take care of his responsibilities. through out the her pregnancy she talk more and more often and she asked me if i would be with her if she had someone elses baby. i told her i wasnt sure since we hadnt been together in such a long time. subconsciously i wanted her more then anything but the thought of raising a dudes child that i wanted to strangle wasnt a good thought at the time. fast forward 9 months. she had the baby and we finally agree to get some lunch and catch up on lost time, this is just a few days after my 19th birthday. we talk for hours about her relationship problems and how her babies dad isnt manning up to what he said he was going to do. come to find out a couple days later she broke up with him. i dont know at what point i decided i had to know if we were meant to be together but i began to pursue her since she was single and we still obviously had the same strong bond as before. i made it clear to her that i wanted another chance but she told me she wasnt ready to get into a relationship after everything she had been through. i told her if that meant no to me and get it over with but she insisted that was not the case. we began to see each other more and more and started to talk every day again just like before. i honestly felt like being together again was just a matter of time and didnt make a point to pressure her into making any big decisions until she was ready. over the next 3 years i didnt everything under the sun to get her back, i was there through thick and thin. i helped her raise her kid, paid half her rent for over a year, helped her get a car and fixed when it when it broke. you name it, i did it. all the mean time i am getting every indication that being together is right around the corner and feeling an obligation to finish out what i started out to do since i had invested another 3 years of my life into this girl. i could write pages of what ive done for her but to some it up i was there when no one else was, when she was broke and hit rock bottom and had friends and no one where to go and no one to talk to i was there with a shoulder to cry on and money for her and her son to eat. after time seeing a child i thought was going to be mine and a girl that i thought a was going to marry began to wear on me. i could no longer look at her and her son without agonizing over why i wasnt good enough for them. i spent many hours thinking about it and many more unable to sleep wondering why. her continuing financial problems caused by being a single mom with no help added to my stress because i shouldered the responsibilities even though we werent together. finally after the millionth deadline i set to give up on her if she didnt take me back i finally stuck to it. i finally told her that she needed to decide once and for all if she wanted all or nothing. she again couldnt give me a straight answer but anything other then yes is a no at this point. at this point we rarely talk and i still think about her all the time. i miss her and even more then her i miss spending time with her son. i feel guilty that his dad is a deadbeat piece of shit and doesnt have a father who loves him. he loves me i know he does i just cant seem to get over this situation. i am 22 and i have invested 6 years of my life into this girl. i cant be around her if i cant have it all, seeing the girl i love with the son that i wanted is more then i can take. it drains me mentally, emotionally, and physically. all the time same she is the one thing i am missing to make me complete and i know that theres nothing she needs that i cannot provide. so the question is what do i do to get over this once and for all? i know normally things like this are meant to be asked to family and friends but they are all tired of hearing about it at this point so i dont bring it up anymore.