fml, back to feeling like shit

[robFord]

I'm having an extremely hard time passing the days. For those of you who know my sob story, my ex and I broke up months ago and she started seeing someone else. She's also leaving for London in 3 weeks for 2 years and my heart is completely broken. We still try and hang out every so often, we care about each other greatly, but it's getting harder and harder.

Priorities are shifting and we're constantly being reminded that we're no longer each other's first option and although that's the right thing to do, the pain is still very apparent. The other night, there was a party and some of our friends were saying goodbye to her as they won't see her before she leaves. It hit me like a bag of bricks that the day is fast approaching and I'm going to be losing my best friend. I was crushed and although I've been feeling okay lately, it sent me back into a spiral of depression.

It's getting really difficult to talk to her as I'm trying my hardest to keep myself busy and move on. We're both pulling away and going in opposite directions and neither one of us is willing to put themselves out there for the other person. I don't know if I'm still in love with her or just the idea of her. She was my first love and the intimacy we shared was off the charts. I'm feeling lost and scared that I will never feel this again. I know that's silly because I will, but I'm sick of feeling that I won't.

Going forward I don't know if I should swallow my pride and make it apparent to her that I want to spend whatever time she can throw my way. Or if I continue going on with my life as if she's already gone and wait for her to come to me. It hurts the most when I hope she can spend time with me but she's hanging out with her new guy. She messages me on her days off to hang out, but I hate feeling like her fallback. Whether or not that's true, it drives me nuts. She used to be mine and only mine.. and I was hers.

She went mental the other night when she saw pictures of me with another girl. So this isn't just a one sided thing. I don't know, I'm so lost and writing about it seems to help.

21 days and counting.

[Cerby]

Hey Rob,

I sympathize with the pain you're feeling. One of the biggest rules about break-ups is to take time away from your ex to heal. If you're still hanging out, you're pouring salt into an open wound every time you see her.

She is leaving for 2 years, and I think you should view it as an opportunity to move on without obstruction, and not the loss of a "best friend", because in truth, she can't be a best friend if you still love her. You should both sit down in a neutral area like a coffee shop (I find this is the best way to hash out anything, whether it be a friendship, relationship, or just a serious discussion among two people who are currently together) and put everything on the table, see if there is something to work out. If not, help her pack her bags and say goodbye.

[robFord]

I just don't know what to do. She acts so cold and indifferent at times, tells me she likes this guy and wants to move on and not keep bringing up our history. Understandable. But then she gets all jealous when she finds out I'm seeing other girls, texts me asking whether or not I'm coming out to the party she's at.. Acting hurt when I try and keep a distance.

Like it or not we're playing a hurtful game. We made plans for tomorrow to help each other move, she still has some stuff at my place and I'm moving apartments. She's taking forever to respond to my messages, and I don't know if it's on purpose, she's deliberately not responding, or what. She's with him, I'm sure of it.. Maybe it's.. **** I don't know. I'm tired of all of this.

Yes, let this girl go, she's only causing me more harm than good. Yes I've heard it all before. I'm just.. I wish this was easier

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell her not to call you anymore, unless she wants to get back together, because you want to forget about and move on and meet other girls(be sure to mention this!). When she contacts you again(she will), ask her immediately if she wants to get back together. If her answer is anything other than yes, hang up/don't respond.

[robFord]

I think we're past that point. There's no way we're getting back together, that would make no sense. I think i just want her to want to be with me before she leaves. To want her to make spending time with me a priority, so I don't feel like the last 4 years were worthless. I can't bear the thought of her leaving on bad terms, or indifferent terms. I need her to share her vulnerability with me, to be the one she needs when she's feeling scared about moving.

I was the only person she could talk to for years and years, she has issues opening up to people. Now that we're not together it feels like because she doesn't come to me for support, she doesn't need me at all anymore.