Need a guy's observation

[CWilliams2000]

Hello! Well I am on here today because I need a guy's perspective. I have gone to my male friends on this, but I can't really trust their opinions because I'm not sure how truthful they are being with me. I also need someone to see my dilemma from the outside. OK... I will try to make this as short as possible. I am friends with this guy. He was one of the first friends I met in college which was 9-10 years ago. Now, prior to meeting him, I would see him around and think he was kinda cute. Well, we met through a mutual acquaintance, and when I got to know him... i started to like him. Through the years, he had crushes and/or girlfriends and to be honest.. i never really cared for them. I too had relationships, but he never really asked me about them. So one day many years ago, I woke up Saturday morning to find a note at my door. It was from him asking for me to call him because he had lost my number. I was surprised to find this note, but I don't really think the phased me at the time because I was seeing someone. Well, as the years progressed, he's invited me to house parties or events, and 95% of the time I've said I couldn't make it due to prior commitments. Even though I never went... he still would invite me, and when i don't make it... he makes it a point to make me feel bad for not going. You know giving me the whole "I always invite you to stuff, and you never go" guilt trip. What I like about our friendship is that anytime we see one another.. it's like the conversation always picks up where it was left off. I love that!! Another thing I enjoy is that both my mom and grandmother have met him, and they like him. So... in October 2010, him and I were talking and one of my favorite bands was comming to town. He asked me if I was going with anyone, and i said no. Then he asked if I wanted to go with him, and I said sure! A bit later, I asked if he wanted to go with me to my 10 year H.S. reunion and he said yes. My reunion was first, and that was the first time I ever saw him dressed up. He looks great. As the night went on, we were having a great time... until he had to mention that he was talking to someone. That officially ruined my night, and all I could think of was drinking since it was an open bar. So later that month was the concert. Since the concert was in another city, we spent the day with his friend and his girlfriend, and did some shopping. Well, while we were at lunch.. the girl he was talking to met up with us. I was shocked, and didn't know what to do. I kept asking myself "what the hell am I doing here!?!" well, she ended up leaving right after lunch and he continued to hang out with me the rest of the day. We go to the concert, and he asked me what I thought of her. Now.. I didn't talk to her all that much, but I still thought she looked a bit immature. I told him that. Then he tells how "he dosen't think it'll last long with her" and I said why do you think that? he said that he dosen't really want a relationship right now. so then he asked me if I thought he was immature, and I told him that if I thought he was immature, I don't think him and I would still be friends. he agreed and said I was the most mature person he knew. That made me smile. So weeks went on, I saw him from time to time, and all was great. Then I find out the girl he was talking to was now his girlfriend. I was a little heartbroken. So more weeks had past, never really heard from him once he started seeing that girl. I too met someone, but didn't last very long. The more and more I thought about my friend, the more I realized that I was in love with him. So this past weekend was my birthday party. He was the first to RSVP for the party. He arrived with the girlfriend, and a friend of hers. He gave me a hug, and she barely shook my hand and wished me a happy birthday. We talked off and on, and he asked me when our next concert was going to be. He also told me about an art show he was having, and how he was planning a trip to the beach, and how I should come on out. So later on in the evening, I asked if he was happy in his relationship. He said that he was happy, and immediately asked me why. I said I was just a concerned friend. He then told me that this is the happiest he has been, and re-innerated that he was happy. I said ok and that I just wanted for him to be happy. Then he asked me if I was seeing anyone. I shrugged my shoulders and said I was still single. His response was "that's the way to be". I wanted to him why would he say that, but I left it alone. ALL my friends are encouraging me to tell him how I feel, but I really don't want to ruin our friendship.

So I guess my question is... is it worth me telling him my feelings? Is there any way he could have feelings for me?? When i do tell him, how should I go about it?? Any advice given is greatly appreciated!!!

[blinki]

do you think you could put that into paragraphs??

[simonk]

To be honest the fact you didn't respond to his invitations for years may have neutralized your relationship to friend level. The magic is gone and kick-starting a relationship based on reason is difficult.

I understand how you feel, the realization that you finally "lost him for good" is starting to sink in. You never gave it much thought earlier as you thought he would be available forever just waiting for you to make up your mind. Now that he's gone you've realized what you have lost. I doubt it's a good idea to confront him with your feelings at this point. Preserve what you have - a true life friend, something that's hard to establish, you'll risk loosing that by confronting him. In the meantime I suggest you date someone else, sounds harsh, I know. Fact of life is that we age, love fades and the past can't be brought back.

However don't completely give up, keep him in a corner of your mind. Occasionally meet him but no more than usual. Should he change his mind about his immature girlfriend, you may get one final chance to grab him, and be goddamn sure you don't miss it!

P.S. His comment on your single status was not to offend you, he meant there are also good parts about being single, no commitments ... just guys thinking out loud.