Devestating time...need thoughts and opinions...?

[Devestated]

I will try to make this as short as possible, but I need some insight in this extremely rough period...

A little back story...

Jon is my boyfriend, Rory is my friend (dated for a short while when Jon left me and went back with his ex-wife for a short time, and I broke up with Rory and got back with Jon)

Jon has been deployed since December. On New Years Eve me and Rory, went out to a comedy show and a bar afterwards to celebrate New Years...this was a strictly friends event as he was working things out with his ex-wife and I am with Jon. I was supposed to be DD, had 3 drinks in 5 hours, but I forgot I had taken my prescription that intensifies the alcohol feeling and long story short, Rory drove, got a DUI...I felt terrible for not being responsible that night, and I saw how incredibly distraught he was when I picked him up from jail, and I also overheard conversations with his dad where he disowned him...(later they were ok, but it intensified the situation)...Because I felt guilty, I was helping him get to and from work since he couldn't drive, and I was hanging out with him more often because of that...again, we were only friends...over the course of the past 3 - 4 months, Rory was becoming more and more stressed to the point where he killed himself last week.

So, back to Jon at this point...since he is currently deployed in Iraq, I have been scared to death every day for his safety...I wanted him to be focused on the job he had to do out there and not have to think of anything that could potentially cloud his judgement, so, I didn't tell him about the who I hung out with on New Years, the DUI, or the fact that I was spending a lot of time with my deteriorating friend. I was going to tell him when he got back because I was hoping he and Rory could be friends, especially since I am friends with his ex-wife, and I was going to tell him because it was the right thing to do...well, somebody decided to email my boyfriend last week after Rory was found dead and tell him that I had been spending a lot of time with him...my boyfriend, hurt by something I was keeping from him (good intentioned or not), broke up with me on Saturday.

I am devestated...not only did I lose a friend I was trying like hell to help, I lost the man I am madly in love with because he thinks I was hiding the relationship for devious purposes...I love my boyfriend, and I would never cheat on him, especially knowing one of his exes did.

So did I do the right thing by sticking by my friend when he needed good people surrounding him...did I do the right thing trying to protect my boyfriend from thoughts that could cloud his judgement? I have gotten a lot of responses to this scenerio from friends and in some desperate moments, I spoke to a chaplain and an ordained minister and got their thoughts...I really need more opinions though, so I can hopefully settle my shattered mind down a bit.

Please feel free to say whatever you believe...I believe in fairness on all sides...I can take criticism and if I was wrong, I deserve to be told so. Feel free to make any other comments you see fit.

Thank you in advance for your thoughts.

Additional Details
I rarely drink at all, so I'm not an alcoholic...just in response to the first response...and I am active duty too, so I can't just start a new job...Also, I have written Jon about 5 - 7 pages telling him everything that me and Rory have done while he's been gone, and I went into detail explaining the ways I saw Rory deteriorating...if I think of anything else that may be pertenent, I will add them...thank you again for the comments...

[leoben]

You weren't trying to help him, you enjoyed having the company of a guy you knew was sexually attracted to you while your main squeeze was off fighting in another country. You knew a line had been crossed and your boyfriend would be pissed, so you didn't tell him. Now someone else did and you have to deal with the shit storm.

You were wrong. Even if you didn't sleep with rory you still embarrassed Jon socially by hanging around with another dude all the time while he was gone. You gave the impression of cheating, even if you weren't. Other people obviously picked up on it if they were writing letters to jon.

If you want jon back stop trying to justify what you did and just apologize for it.

[Devestated]

I have apologized...thank you for your opinion

[reeba]

I agree with the above. We all know the line, what happens TDY stays TDY.

Obviously you were giving the impression that something was inappropriate with your relationship with Rory, otherwise someone wouldn't have written Jon about what was going on. My guess is you couldn't tell Jon about Rory is because 1. you use to date Rory, so there is a sexual history 2. you knew that Jon would disaprove

You did something behind your bf's back that you know he would be unhappy about. You should have at least told him little bits so he knew you still hung out occassionally with Rory, and you were driving him to work because of the DUI, and you thought Rory was starting to have mental/depression problems.

Worried about him not 'keeping his mind on the game' in Iraq? I can guarantee you that his mind isn't where it is suppose to be right now.

You already mailed him one letter explaining and apologizing. And it probably was so long that he won't adorb it, and misread it inserting his own words. You need to write something containing 12 simple direct sentences/bullets and that is it, and mail that in about a week from now. And one of those sentences better be begging for him to call you. Letters are crappy forms of communication. If you want to make up it will need to be over the phone.

[Devestated]

Wow, I didn't realize how terrible this appears to others :/ I really thought I was doing the right thing trying to take care of both...I feel even more terrible now...I don't agree with "what happens tdy stays tdy", I've never been that type of person, especially since I've been cheated on so many times...I know all this info should have come from me and not somebody else, I just was trying to wait until it was a time where I knew he would be out of harm's way. I asked him if we could talk on skype so it wouldn't be so impersonal but that was to no avail...I did tell him some of the things I was doing with Rory, but I left out names and said it was with somebody he hadn't met yet...but I guess that is still not good. I was considering making a video on my computer and apologizing that way, since I can't get him on the phone, and that way he could see and hear how incredibly sorry I am...Thank you for your responses, it means a lot to me.