Fianc�e is not a fan of my friends or family

[Jameson]

I know this is a pretty common problem. I love her and I don't expect her to like, or spend time with my friends or family. I'm just not sure how to handle the situation...

The only person in my life that my fianc�e really likes is my Dad, but now he's about to get married to a woman that neither of us really care for and now he is basically getting lumped in with everyone else since to visit him we have to visit her too. And it's not like my Dad's fianc�e or any of my family and friends are rude or anything - they all want to see her and get to know her. Other than my Mother and soon to be step-mother being generally annoying, no one has been anything but friendly. Unfortunately she has social anxiety and doesn't know how to handle big loud rowdy crowds.

My Dad and I have always celebrated our holidays either with another large family that we are very good friends with (a rowdy group), or our own family who can be a bit boring and dry (but always friendly!). My fianc�e does not want to be a part of these holidays with us, and whenever I visit anyone, she usually stays at home. I have to come up with an excuse which is usually something like "Oh she got stuck on a double shift", because I can't think of a way to tell them that she doesn't ever want to see them.

I can't very well tell them "she doesn't like coming to see you guys", and when we have tried to visit, it has made her really uncomfortable, to the point of tears. It seems odd because we are recent members of a swingers club and routinely enjoy each others company while others watch - something you would think she would be very uncomfortable with.

[Spring Haze]

So what is going on here? Is she socially anxious or does she just not like your family?

I love her and I don't expect her to like, or spend time with my friends or family.

Talk about low expectations.

[vashti]

This would be an absolute deal breaker for me. If she has problems with anxiety, she needs to deal with them like an adult. These people will be her family (if you go through with it, which I advise against). It is her moral obligation to try to fit in somehow. What will happen if/when you have kids? Will she deprive them of family, too?

BTW - that last part is yucky.

[VincenzoG91]

Yeah, that's super-weird that she's okay with strangers watching her have sex, but she isn't okay socializing with your family. There could be another issue, one that you don't know about. My ex-girlfriend and I were together for over seven years, but she managed to avoid 90% of the family events that we were invited to by my various relatives. Turned out that she was cheating on me for a few years (complicated story involving blackmail by an ex) and didn't want all my relatives mad at her if and when the truth finally came out. I'm not saying that your situation is like that, but then again, maybe your swinger girlfriend is swinging with someone else on the side.