My Girlfriend Might Be About To Cheat On Me

[Kaladin]

I've been thinking this over for a couple of days, and since it's so hard to keep my head straight I figured I should really look for some outsider advice.

I've been with my girlfriend for two years now, and recently moved in with her (about two weeks ago). She's an incredible girl, very smart, attractive, caring, everything I could ask for and more. Since meeting at university we've just grown closer and closer. I also feel like I can trust her with anything, which is why this feels so odd.

Two days ago she was avidly texting someone back and forth on her mobile for most of the evening. She rarely ever uses her phone that much, but I didn't think much of it at that point. She then told me that she was texting an old friend called Sam who she used to meet up with occasionally at the start of uni (before we were dating). She said they used to go for drinks together and were good friends, and that he'd like to meet up again. She asked if I'd be okay with that, to which I replied that of course I would be. Why wouldn't I be? That's when alarm bells started ringing because for some reason she was acting as though I might have reason to be worried...

She then said that she would probably meet him at the pub she used to work at, meet all her old work friends at the same time, and go out for the night with them all. I said that sounds great, but where would you stay for the night? (It's an hour and half's drive away). She hesitated for a bit, then said she could probably stay at her friend Kate's house, since she'd done that before and she would be going out with them too. Sounded plausible, but... something felt so wrong. I had that gut feeling, and she was acting very strange about it all. So that night I did something awful.

When she went to the bathroom before bed, I looked through her text messages. I felt awful doing it, but I'm so glad I did. It was Sam she was texting, but there was no mention of meeting at her old pub and seeing her other friends. They were planning to meet up in a completely different city for a night out together, with no one else. He also said that he'd have to tell his girlfriend that he would be away on work related business, and said "How would you swing this with your other half?" She replied: "Simple. Just tell him I'm catching up with an old friend. He's cool with things like that and wouldn't mind if I stay out. Wouldn't your GF be okay with it then?" There was also another comment that stood out where my GF said "It's lucky I have an innocent face, since I can get away with anything!" And he replied with: "It might look innocent, but I know better "

So I pretty much freaked out. I bottled it up and refused to jump to conclusions, but it kept me awake all night. The comments about "innocence" look really bad. If she's staying out for the whole night, where the hell is she going to sleep? A hotel? Eugh, that's an awful thought. But the last text she sent, which ended with her saying "Wouldn't your GF be okay with it then?" Makes me think that maybe she really is looking at this as just a friendly catch up and night out. Even if he isn't. Why else would she say that? Of course his GF wouldn't be okay with it he plans on cheating on her. It's also worth mentioning that his texts explicitly stated that he's fed up with his GF.

It could be either/or. But why would she lie about the details? I thought I could trust her with anything, and she's feeding me false information about this night. It isn't planned yet, just an idea. And I know a lot of girls love the idea of flirting but never take it further than that. As far as our relationship is going: It's still as great as ever. We openly express our love for one another, dream of the future, constantly make plans, and I haven't noticed anything that suggests she's having second thoughts about us. So right now, I'm inclined to think that it's innocent, and she just wants to meet up with him as friends. I may even be able to convince her to take me along to meet him too, so I can get to know some more of her friends. The question is, what do I do now?

To get more information about whether this plan will be put into motion, I would HAVE to keep checking her phone. And I HATE that thought. But when she's lying to me about this... I don't know. I can't confront her yet, because not only is there not solid enough evidence, but I'd have to admit to looking through her text messages. If this does go further, and I find out that she definitely is going to sleep with him behind my back, then I'll be fine with confronting her. I wouldn't care if she knows I read her messages, because she would be about to do something far worse.

Sorry for the wall of text, it's mainly a way to get my thoughts written out. If anyone can offer some thoughts or advice I'd really appreciate it. Thanks for reading.

[hello1]

You got enough evidence to dump her! she is planning to cheat and I cannot believe you could keep this to yourself. Man up eh

[VincenzoG91]

Don't even bother confronting her about this. Just dump her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yeah, it's pretty much over now, you may as well end it. Just tell her you're going to start looking for another place and let that be the end of it. Don't bother with explaining the whole situation, just leave; it'll be easier on you and the confusion will be mental torture for her...until she goes back to **** this other guy again.

[qwertz]

I disagree with the others. You have been together 2 years and are now living together, it would be a bit stupid to end things without finding out the truth.

The messages that you read are not innocent and are not typical type of message between two platonic friends. If the texts/flirting bother you like your post indicates they do (they would bother me) then you really need to confront her, bring up the messages you read - yes she will be pissed that you looked through her phone, but in your defence you found flirtatious messages and evidence that she was lying.

You really shouldnt keep this to yourself as you will be wanting to constantly check her phne and any trust you have left will disappear. You need to find out what her motives were, whether it was empty flirting/plans which may be forgiveable or whether she intended to go through with cheating (you can tell yourself her last message means she didnt intend to cheat, but thats rubbish. She was testing the water to see if he had the same thoughts she had in mind)

If you do confront her, she will most likely deny anything untoward was planned and her excuse for lying to you would be she didnt think you would be happy her meeting a guy on her own.
Its up to you whether you choose to believe her and trust her again. I dont think I could.

[Bonfire]

Wow that's terrible. Those messages are so scandalous. I feel bad for you. It's like 90% sure she is planning something she shouldn't. If it's innocent meeting she wouldn't talk about deceiving you. Not to mention it's a night out with a guy and they plan to stay the night together. That's a big no no. If I was in your shoes. This is how I would handle it. I wouldn't tell her straight out what I know. I would ask her for more details of that plan. So she can keep adding more lies. I would keep looking into her eyes and give her a look that I know she is lying. I will say stuff like "You sure?" as hints that the jig is up. And if she continues to lie, then I'll say "You are not lying to me, right?" with a real stern face like I can't believe she is keeping this lie going. Then if she still won't come clean, then I'll end it with "Once last chance, is this the real truth?" By now she should have an idea I know the truth. If she continue to stick with the lie, I'll go in the bedroom and start packing up my clothes to spend the night else where. She'll ask me what am I doing. I'm going to remain silent until she cracks and confess. I'll keep packing my stuff so she can watch me leave her. And if she decides to come clean about lying about the details I will hear her out and give her a chance to explain. After she finishes explaining I'll tell her I read the messages on her phone, no matter the excuse or no matter if she flip at me for checking her phone, I'll finish packing and tell her I'll come back and pick up the rest of my stuff later this week. Just go crash at a friend's house. That's how I would handle it. Keep us posted on what happens. This is truly a sad situation to be in.

[devonbrown]

The trust is already broken. Whether she cheats or not, at this point you don't trust her. Without trust there is not much hope for a future together.

Good luck.

[listen not hear]

agree with qwertz. pretty much what I was going to say.

Let me add. If you don't want to confront her and if it helps you feel a little better don't make a big deal about the messages. Just say you been having a weird feeling about this guy. A feeling you can't shake and you trust her but you just can't get it out of your head. If she gets overly defensive (then you have something to be worried about) just try to keep it light. Make her feel like you're still completely clueless till you can get more information. Just laugh it off and say, "Look i must be overreacting. I guess I can't rely on my instincts. I may not trust him but I trust you and that's all that matters." tell her you love her then never bring i up again till you can get more solid evidence.

Two years is kind of a big investment. I would prefer waiting to unload the "i think you're cheating on me" talk till it's necessary...but that's just me. I also want you to prepare yourself emotionally simply because first instincts are usually right and you're obviously not a possessive person because you do let her out by herself often and you never ran into this feelings in the two years together...so you have good reasons to worry. You seem like a really nice guy, I hope the best for you.

[Cinnabella]

Spy her on that day n find out her real person yourself :-), don't ask or tell her yet. You will have the best answer yourself, better ask a friend of you that she doesn't know, spy on her with pictures for u, she doesn't sound that trust worthy in this case, but still u can't be sure within seeing it.

[Horseyguy]

Spy her on that day n find out her real person yourself :-), don't ask or tell her yet. You will have the best answer yourself, better ask a friend of you that she doesn't know, spy on her with pictures for u, she doesn't sound that trust worthy in this case, but still u can't be sure within seeing it.

If he has to spy on her it's already over

[Cinnabella]

he needs to know it n what is exactly thing to do, for myself I don't like the idea of my partner goes out with a gf the whole night n be sneaky with it. I can break up for that only reason already.

Why are you Being so strict horseguy? That's the best way he finds the answer for himself without any wonder when it ends or continue.

[Horseyguy]

Because it's about trust.

If he has to go seeking the answer then he's already found it. Can you not see that?

I'm not being strict, just pointing out the obvious. A relationship will not work without trust.

If he snoops and he finds nothing does that mean everything is ok? No it doesn't because ther mear fact he had to go snooping in the first place means the trust isn't there.

[courtney90]

I agree 100% with Bonfire! I would do the exact same thing!!!

another option however, would be to ask her if you can come along...I mean the two of you have been together for two years now so you would like to meet her friends as well...then see what she says. she will have to keep adding lies upon lies to get you not to want to go with them because you already know that that is not what she is "really" planning.

[Cinnabella]

Somehow the trust really has broken since she lied, but he lied to himself as well don't you see!?

I don't agree with u horseguy, if he's okay with his gf stays out with a guy overnight n find out it's true, mean she had lied but no betrayment n least he has a reply to whatever his decision will be, I hate liars btw :-@, too coward to take the outcome.

[Cinnabella]

N those sneaky conversations sound horrible to me though it's just for Fun or true, felt like they did something already? :-@.