Cheated on fiance

[InABind]

So let me start off by saying that I have been with my fiance for 4 years and we have been engaged about 5 months. I have cheated on her about 4 times and fully accept that its totally wrong and you guys can call me all the names you want...because I call myself these names as well. At first I was very much in love with her but I also feel that she wears the pants in the relationship and she runs the show. I am also starting to feel that this "marriage" thing is a business contract with her and while I enjoy my time with her very much...I just dont think I am ready to do this. We are scheduled to be married July 30th of this year and honestly thinking about it is making me insane.

We have a lot invested in this wedding already and I feel that our relationship is now about the stupid wedding and not about US anymore. So far we have 2000 dollars invested in the reception hall, 500, for the minister, her wedding dress is hanging up in the other room, a DJ, 500 glowsticks, and a place setting for michael jackson...there is a lot invested in this and we live together as well with a dog. Should I just go through with this and just not tell her about anything or do I need to break this off...im seriously freaking out right now. And your brutal honesty is appreciated. Thank you.

[VincenzoG91]

Weddings can be stupidly expensive, but part of the point is to make the couple feel like they really have something special together, something more than any random dating couple has.

From what you have described, you don't sound like the kind of guy who should be getting married at all, and you know it. But somehow you let things progress until a lot of money is involved. Maybe there is still time to call things off and get most of that money back. If so, do it. Otherwise, though it may seem foolish to get married just because all that money has been spent, maybe you could dig deep and try to become a better person and really commit to this relationship. You're not getting any younger, and it gets harder to just casually date and hook up as each year goes by.

[girl68]

My fiance is excited to marry me. 2000 is pennies compared to the 10k you'll spend to continue on this route knowing you don't want to get married and the fact you cheat on her time and time again.

Speak the hell up, grow some balls and tell her it's over.

And you're an asshole for cheating not once, not even twice but over and over again.

[Boisdevie]

I think you should try to spend even more money on a stupid wedding. Then have sex with as many people as possible before the lovely day

I presume you have a brain? Try to use it

[surfhb]

This is a no brianer!

[courtney90]

why are you even asking this question? you obviously already know the answer...what do you need assurance from us to tell you it's over for? seems to me like you aready know this! oh and btw if you do for what ever reason still decide to go through with this stupid wedding how about fessing up to being an asshole...if you have a consious at all it will eat you alive if you don't tell her until after the wedding.

i just really don't understand ppl like you...no offense but why would you propose to a woman that you proclaim to love and then cheat on her not once but 4 times??? it just really baffles me how someone could do this? i mean seriously is marriage just a joke to you or something?....maybe you feel like she does "wear the pants" but if you can't deal with knowing that then why would you plan to marry this woman?

[listen not hear]

Yeah, you're right, planning a wedding is tough and certainly puts a strain on a relationship. Though, can I just say, it sounds like you're just looking for someone to just tell you not to marry her. You seem afraid of telling her the truth about the cheating and would rather just split before getting into that whole drama. I can understand that very few men AND women can be rarely be honest about infidelity. It's usually followed with self loathing and then rejection and just those bad feeling alone associated with your partner is reason enough to give it up. But you must have loved her at some point to have considered this commitment in the first place and if you break it off now you'll undoubtedly look back wondering what if. So what's the right thing to do now?

Well, you seem to have put the blame on her for the cheating by saying she's the one wearing the pants making you feel (fill blank here)...that doesn't sound like someone who's taking responsibility of his actions lol which I could understand because who wants to be responsible for something like that?! I mean lets be honest here--no one! Look, you cheated, what you did was horrible but that doesn't mean YOU are horrible. You're human and you made a mistake that you shouldn't have. You need to find out why you chose to handle your stress in this way within yourself because being stressed by your fiance is reasonable how you handled it isn't. So why did it happen then? That's for you to find out, preferably with psychiatric help on how to deal with stress (therapist are not for crazy people, so chill, they can help everyone). If you don't deal with why you did it then even if you guys break up you can very easily make the mistake again with someone else.

Now about your fiance? Sorry man, whether you stay or don't you got to tell her. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be bad but she needs to go through that pain in order to move on. Just saying," hey, I don't love you no more." will be very damaging to her and she'll feel instability for a long time, damaging her future relationships. She needs to know. Whatever happens try and get that help I was talking earlier. Most insurances cover it, take advantage of it.

[Horseyguy]

I think you should cancel the wedding because of the glow sticks and the place setting for Michael Jackson.

Oh and cancel the banjo players whilst you are at it

[Riku]

I think you should cancel the wedding because of the glow sticks and the place setting for Michael Jackson.

Oh and cancel the banjo players whilst you are at it

I lol'd

[Charlie Boy II]

Lol wtf do you use glow sticks at a wedding for?

[reeba]

you think a wedding is expensive......wait till you see what a divorce and child support will cost ya.

why go thru a wedding that you don't want?

[surfhb]

you think a wedding is expensive......wait till you see what a divorce and child support will cost ya.

bingo!!!!!!!!!!

[Cinnabella]

Oh boy, give this woman a break n tell her that I betrayed you four times and now I don't want to marry you, I think she will be damn hurt but also will run as fast as she can.

Players shouldn't get married, coz they have no moral to set up for marriagee errrrr.

[blinki]

also, you definitely shouldn't be getting married if you're thinking of at as a 'business contract'.

you should marry someone because you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them. which obviously you don't. and not just because of what you have said, but because of the cheating too.

you are going to hurt her either way, so please don't marry her and make this worse.

EDIT: she deserves someone that loves her, wouldn't betray her, and has no doubt about being with her forever.

[My2wildhorses]

Break it off. You have not been honest with yourself or her. Honesty and trust are key in a relationship and obviously it isn't there. I recommend since you seem to have a need to have multiple women in your life that you do not lure anyone into a committed relationship ever because you are waisting their time and it isn't fair to them.