Should I just quit?

[brandnew]

Okay this is kind of a long story but i'll try to keep it short.

Back in December I met a guy while going out. We ocasionally talked and he seemed interested, but then I heard he had a girlfriend and kinda didn't think of him anymore. He kept flirting with me while he was still with that girl though which seemed kinda odd, but it was totally innocent and he never really tried anything apart from the fact he once kissed me on my cheek. Then in Febuary I saw him again and we kind of got drunk together and danced and made out. I realized he was probably single now. I went home with him and we had some fun and we kept talking. When I slept over for the first time he told me the morning after, that he wasn't looking for a relationship and that he's still a little into his ex, that they only broke up because she left the country for 5 months for studying. I was pretty pissed because he really made it seem like he was into me which he probably was, but this meant that that girl would come back in 5 months and I'd probably be out of the picture. Anyway, I made the decision to keep hanging out with him and just don't get serious. I'm not the kind of girl who can seperate love and sex so of course I started caring about him and the situation. When he told me he was going to visit his ex for a week, I was kind of annoyed and told him it would be over between us if he'd have sex with her because I didn't want to be just some girl he'd go to for sex. He told me he didn't know if anything would happen between him and his ex but I'm not dumb you know, so I just told myself it would happen between them anyway and that it would just be over and I'd move on.

Soo.. a day before he left we hung out, and I told myself not to sleep with him cause it just seemed weird since he'd be flying to his ex in less than 24 hours. And besides that I just wasn't in the mood. We ended up cuddling in bed but I told him I didnt want to have sex because of those reasons, and he just didnt respect it. He kept trying to undress me and we were being a bit silly and I kept telling him no, but I guess not in a very convincing tone because he kept fooling around. i guess he didnt think I was being serious. I know i should've just stuck to my point and not get naked, but I just wanted him to realize I wasnt some **** doll. At one point he was on top of me and we just started having sex, but I felt so disapointed in myself that I stopped him and told him for the last time i DID NOT, feel like it. He got mega annoyed and shit, and I was annoyed too because HE was so annoyed, it was just sex I was like get the **** over it, but he kept being moody so the vibe was kind of ****ed. I tried to break the ice a bit but he kept being moody, so at one point i said, "should I just go home?" and he was just like, "yeah, I dont even care if you stay or not." So I was pissed as hell and decided to leave when he stopped me and tried to make the situation a bit better, but it didnt get any better so he said, "maybe it is better if you just go, if we're not going to have sex anyway its not going to get better." I was so mad and told him to grow the **** up, that he was immature and disrespectful.

He texted me an hour later saying he was sorry and that he didnt want things to be like that, but i was still mad and told him i didnt care anymore. He went to his ex and I didnt hear from him until he came back. We just had some small talk and he didnt even try to get me back, he didnt tell me if he did anything with his ex, he just ignored me that whole week.

Last thursday I saw him again and since I hang out with his friends I couldn't really avoid talking to him. So we just started talking and he told me again that he was sorry and that he felt bad about the situation and what not. I told him I felt pretty screwed over but he kept saying he didnt mean it like that. When I asked about his ex he said he did have sex with her one time that week but that he didn't really feel like it was anything special. I was a little drunk, otherwise i'd never been nice to him, but we ended up dancing the whole night. I did keep myself from kissing him though, since I didnt think he deserved it.

I saw him last night but he was kind of absent, he did come up to me and we had a little chat. Today he talked to me on facebook as well and asked if i had a good night blablabla. I don't really know what this guy wants from me, he keeps telling me it's not just sex (obviously he's gonna say that), he even told my friend he'd be into having a relationship with me. We have a great connection, I can be myself around him for 100% and we have the exact same sense of humor. I just really like being around him but I don't know what he wants from me and I'm not gonna make a fool of myself and be all clingy. I'd like to just hang out again and see where it goes, but I can't forget what a dick he was that day though, cause it wasn't really good for my ego that he just sort of kicked me out of his house cause i didnt want to have sex. The weird thing is that all the times before that it was basically perfect and we had so much fun doing nothing, I don't know if i should write him off on this one argument we had.

I don't really know what to think of this whole situation. Is he worth it or do you think he's gonna **** me over in the end anyway? Thanks for reading

[ShellyZ]

I think he might rape you in the end. Seriously, you are not safe with him. He has no respect for your boundaries and he made it clear that he thinks it's pointless to spend time with you if you're not going to have sex. He doesn't care about you. If you say "no sex," a guy should respect that immediately.

[brandnew]

True... totally true. That was why I was so ****ing pissed. But he's coming back to me now, does this mean he might realize i'm awesome? Or am I just a loser for even thinking about giving him a chance?

[Cinnabella]

It sounds so obvious to me that he's using you, for SEX, don't you see the black signs in there? Don't set yourself up for hurting, who would go and visit their ex without reasons? Tell me? Maybe this is a Bastard tries to use you for the time that his gf is away, and by the disrespectful forcing... it became so clear, you were not in a relationship with him ever so what do you mean about return? You should get rid of this guy.

[ShellyZ]

But he's coming back to me now, does this mean he might realize i'm awesome?

No, it means he might realize he'll have better luck pressuring you into sex the second time. If you insist on seeing him again, do so in a public place, make it impossible for him to get you into bed. Do not go back to his place; make it clear that he'll have to date you first if he wants to sleep with you.

[brandnew]

I want you to know he wasn't being violent or rough with me, we were just fooling around and I do blame myself for getting naked and touching him and letting him touch me. I said no but my actions were different from "No" so I don't blame him for not taking me seriously, even though I don't think he had the right to be so moody when I stopped him. I think I just have to talk about it with him. If he makes clear that he doesn't see this go anywhere more than just friends with benefits, I want it to quit. And even if he does want more I'm not just going to sleep with him again any time soon, he's gonna have to make some more effort this time.

[Cinnabella]

Good then :-), but he doesn't sound serious to me anyway. I told you aboit his ex... He was meeting his ex n no ex has time to meet together if they r not together or has any Business, you are blinding yourself I think. Gl

[brandnew]

They already arranged the whole trip before she left to Spain, he had no idea he was going to meet me in the mean time so yeah.. I know he's still interested in her and he's never lied to me about that. I guess a part of me just wants him because he's so hard to get.. we all like a challange don't we..

[smackie9]

Oh good lord! The guy just wanted to have sex....that's it. Stop thinking this is gonna go somewhere.

[smackie9]

Learn that guys will do and say anything to get laid, so that you know that is no love involved if you spread those legs.