broken heart

[jiraiya111]

hi newbie here, had a read through the other posts to see if there was any advice i could use but didnt seem like it :/
i had a kind of mutual break up at the start of november last year, mutual as in she didnt seem to care anymore, we had a few rough weeks and she just seemed to give up on us... so i let us end it and regret it deeply, i cant help but think if id of done things differently things would of been different, which i know isnt healthy.
ive tried winning her back countless times, only to fail again n again. its been like 6 months now and im as depressed now as i was then. ive tried to focus my mind on other things like my hobbys and uni, but everything just seems pointless and doesnt make me happy. i want her to be happy, even if its not with me, so ive stopped trying to win her back, im just trying to stop being so depressed i cant take it anymore. ive also heavely drank for the past 6 months, again not good i know.
another reason im so depressed aswell is that this girl was perfect, yeh no ones perfect but to me she was, i loved her, even her flaws. i dont see how i can meet anyone as amazing as that ever again u know. everyone else i have met has been shit ha, prob not good comparing her to everyone i meet -.- sucks aswell how she seems to be perfectly fine and moving on nicely, seems that way. and yet im a complete mess :/ thought she cared more than that
i dunno, if anyone can help or is a similar position let me know. thanks

[DarkHelmet82]

Read "The four agreements" you can read it in a couple of hours. After you do I bet you will feel better. It will change your life. You are falling into a trap that your mind has planted. you need to change the way you think about situations. This book will help you get rid of those "agreements" taht cause nothing but pain.

[jiraiya111]

i know im on a downward spiral like. searched it on play n waterstones costs a fair bit ha, im a dirty poor student -.- whats it about? im not much of a reader, dont think it will help

[DarkHelmet82]

it WILL help. it will take an hour or two at most..you dont like it ill buy it from you.. you have nothing to lose.. its like 20 bucks.. skip the beer for a night...

[DarkHelmet82]

ill give you a breakdown real quick but you should read it man.. i was like you and didnt want to read it and thought it wouldnt help..man was i wrong.


The Four Agreements are very simple, but very profound. To embrace and live each of the Four Agreements is to find yourself experiencing personal freedom--possibly as never before. The Four Agreements are:

Be Impeccable With Your Words
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

From the cover of the book:

Be Impeccable With Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

[jiraiya111]

haha did u write this book or something? recomending it to everyone.
and uve just summed it up, dont need to buy it anymore. doubt this kind of book will help me mate but thanks.
plus i already do those things, except the always do ur best thing, im a half assed kinda guy at most things

[DarkHelmet82]

no i didnt write the book... lol.. obviously you dont do those things as you wouldnt be in this position. Im just trying to help and the book was my saving grace, and I think it can help people who WANT to be helped...

I think you enjoy wallowing in self pity.. that I cannot help you with.

Dude i was in almost the exact same position as you.. kept thinking it was something I did... YOU ARE TAKING IT PERSONALLY!

[jiraiya111]

i do those things, none of those either help me win her back or help me get over her. there just little rules to live by. the book may have worked for u and thats great, but its not gonna work for every person out there.

[DarkHelmet82]

you dont do those things.. as you are taking it personally.. not complicated dude. very simple. Im not gonna contribute to this thread anymore as I dont think you want help.

Im sure you will get people on here saying "i know what you are going through.. poor you.. blah blah." What you need is the truth.. and as Jack Nicholson says.. You catn handle the truth. No offense.. Good luck!

[jiraiya111]

think u mean i 'cant' handle the truth.
and i dont take it personally at all, obviously she no longer loves me and is moving on in some way or form. good for her, i love her and want to be happy. but that doesnt help the fact i still love her and that im miserable, i cant stop thinking about her and how things could of been different.

[DarkHelmet82]

you are miserable because you are letting your mind control you not the other way around... its as simple as that... gain control of your life and stop living in the past. you are what you do, NOT what you think. People who dont do are losers.. you dont sound like a loser.. but will be if you keep doing this.

[jiraiya111]

mate, you shouldnt go around calling people losers. some take more time to get over things than others, and some relationships are more serious than others. you cant just sum it up and go
'yup ur minds raping u, read this book, u will be cured'
and i know our actions define who we are, nothing u have typed has been helpful whatsoever, whether uve tried to be or not. id appreciate it if ud stop commenting in my thread, thanks.

[DarkHelmet82]

i ididnt call you a loser.. re read it.. i said if you keep wallowing in your self pity you will be. Im not going to sugar coat your issue because thats not what you need....

what do you expect to gain.. you cant even help yourself.. you expect someone on here to tell you that you are right and that she loves you? This isnt Hollywood dude.. theres no magic pill..

[DarkHelmet82]

'i know our actions define who we are, s.

What actions have you taken? this is exactly what im trying to say to you.. you are doing nothing to help yourself but expect someone on here to give you the answer. I have helped a lot of people on here... but people that WANT help.. you obviously dont want it. I wont respond anymore to your issue. Good Luck, I hope you dont end up getting sick.

[jiraiya111]

did u even read what i posted at the start? im not expecting people to say im right and that she loves me, wtf i never said that.
u say i cant help myself? if u read what i wrote i stated id tried things to help myself, and also does the fact that im on here not show that im trying to help myself?
i was hoping to chat to people in similar situations and get advice, such as things that might help and how people got over there losses. but instead ive got a nob like u preaching to me.
now my threads turned into an argument when all i wanted was advice and chats, thanks a lot >_>