checking texts

[belovedbritt]

Is it wrong to check a bf's texts if you think he is lying?
I don't do it unless i have a feeling in my gut or can tell he is lying............................

My boyfriend lied to me about whom he was texting at dinner today, so i asked to see his phone to look at his pics and checked his inbox, sure enough the person who he said texted him didnt. I called him out on it but he got mad saying i checked his phone and i came back saying you lied. i saw the reflection of the text in his glasses and saw that " joe" did not match the name i saw..and thats why i wanted to check to call him out as proof. this is a female friend whom he is only friends with but seems to text her a little too much.....and it bothers me


I have been with him for 7 yrs now and we are in our middle 20's.

[Cain]

Bullshit.

You didn't see the reflection of the text in his glasses. You just don't believe him. Neither one of you is any good. He's a liar and you aren't trusting.

Maybe you should rethink this relationship.

[belovedbritt]

I actually did see it, you don't need to use that kind of language!

[Cain]

I'll use whatever language I want to.

I still don't believe you.

And regardless, it doesn't even matter. If you have to "prove it" by checking his texts, then you have other relationship issues. You aren't in the right. You still checked his texts. But he's also wrong for lying.

[jayjay30]

If you dont have trust in a relationship its doomed from the start.

[MaidenMinx]

Yes it is wrong to check his texts. I too have done it though. It's taken my partner and I years but he has slowly gotten over having to fib to me and I've gotten over having to snoop. I understand the gut feeling and needing to know if you are right.

And personally I don't believe people when they say lack of trust dooms a relationship. I personally have trust issues in general and my partners need for privacy causes him to fib. It doesn't mean our relationship is doomed, it just means that like EVERY other relationship on the planet it is flawed. Show me a perfect relationship and I'll show you perfect liars. Personally I like knowing that i know when my fiance fibs. If he such a bad liar on the little things, he'd never be able to lie about the big things.

[xinn1314]

well, its wrong to check his msgs..
thats just it.. i have no idea how to solve this though.

[abn25]

If he didnt give you a reason to mistrust you probably wouldnt have. Funny thing, im in the same boat. Recently reconnected with my ex and we were seeing where things were going. That was until while we were out he was chatting up some young girl from work while on our date, and noticed him checking other girls out right in front of me. Red flag, guard up from there. Then i give him the benefit of the doubt because we are not serious, but decide to just let him know it kinda bothered me. Thats when he got all mad and said he wasnt with anyone but were not in a relationship. I said thats fine. The next week we are out again and the same thing happens, hes cheking out other women, and when i come back to the table i see him texting someone, he says "its a girl i work with". I said oh the one you saw hear last week and got mad at me for asking about? No someone else. At least i know what im dealing with now, you need to get honesty out of things but do it when you're not mad and be prepared. I beleive women have a gift called intuition, so far it has not failed me.

[vashti]

Yes, it's "wrong" to look at his messages as it is a violation of his privacy, but I don't believe anyone who says they wouldn't have peeked. It's human nature.

The question is, what will you do with this guy who is obviously a liar? You shouldn't tolerate it if all you will do is complain about it until you die. Either accept that he is a lair and keep quiet about it, or get rid of him.