boyfriend of 3 years doesn't (but "needs?") to break up/have a break

[star_nugget]

let me start off by saying that there's no doubt that my boyfriend and i still love each other, are still attracted to each other, and have an amazing bond together. in arguments and hard times w get mad at each other, but we always talk and work stuff out. neither of us have had a relationship like this before - in previous relationships we have tended to just say "screw it" when things get too tough, and break it off. we are always the ones to end the relationships we have been in previously.

the first 2 years were completely awesome every single day. we moved in with each other after the first year. the past year has been a bit rocky, and i have learned that it has a lot to do with my own selfishness. his whole life he has been into film and has been trying to make a movie with his friends. his dream has finally come true, shooting a movie, editing it, and putting blood and sweat into the project the last 2 1/2 years, and now it's paid off with success through the festival circuit and will be released in the summer. when it really kicked off his time went from all on ME, to all on MOVIE (which is his life), and i became difficult, giving him crap everytime he broke a date, had to be up in LA for days working, etc. i regret that now, as i see i was acting very childish. after all, we lived together, it's not like i was NEVER around him.

the past few months have been tense between us, with me freaking out more since he is pulling away in order to do what he needs to do, and me becoming more clingy. of course, this made everything worse, and our usual way of working out arguments wasn't working any longer. in order to promote the movie he is required to travel around, which is a source of anxiety for me. the last time he was gone was for about a month, and although i thought it was gonna suck without him, it wasn't that bad. i did my own thing, went out with friends, we talked/video chatted/texted when he could, and i missed him, but i felt strangely okay with it.

however, on his trip he was starting to have doubts about whether or not we should continue our relationship. he was thinking about "calming down," that it had been too serious and hard to deal with, especially when he was trying to do all of these work and life related things. i also found out that he had been texting flirtatiously with a PR girl who could hook up sponsorship stuff for the movie. of course it hurt, but the reason he was doing it was because she, a stranger, could provide what i currently couldn't: a safe, blind, support, not tripping about where he was, not worrying about the status of our relationship. he said that it was wrong, and apologized, and had no clue why he would do such a thing. i was really surprised, but also took into account the issues we have been having.

we had a big talk a couple of days ago, and it comes down to him not wanting to break up. he still loves me and wants to be with me, but recognizes we have issues in our relationship that needs work, and right now he simply doesn't have the brainpower to work on it - he needs to focus on the movie release and all the work that entails. i can understand how much a distraction a relationship and a GF can be, so i recommended taking a break, with him going to his friends to do the work that's needed before the release. he agreed it was good idea. he also says he wants me in his life for the rest of his life, and needs me as a friend more than ever right now. lately i've been in major "GF mode" and have forgotten what it meant to be his best friend. he said if he didn't have this first movie to work on, he'd have the energy to work on our issues. he also said if there was no stress from our relationship, there would be no reason to do any sort of break.

we're both extremely sad about this, with him being confused on what he wants. this isn't like a regular break up, where one of us can't stand the other and just want them to go away. although we've agreed on a break, we're still hanging out at home, are affectionate towards each other, even had sex this morning. i assumed he would be leaving tonight to his friends, but this morning he said he's not going to for another week, and set up his editing stuff in the office of our house to start work. on one hand, i'm happy he feels comfortable with being able to do his work around me, but on the other it's a bit confusing. perhaps now that he's home he's reconsidering..? i'm not sure. we are still acting like a couple.

i'm just going to continue to do my own thing, be supportive throughout the week, and not trip out about anything. i'm done with that sh*t. i want to make sure our relationship (whether it ends up romantic or not) work out. our bond is strong, and is definitely based on a wonderful friendship. i also love him and wish him to be successful and happy, and if that means taking a break from me, then so be it.

what do you guys think about all this? any comments would be appreciated. yesterday i was freaking out but today i'm realizing that it's not the end of the world, and that all relationships flux throughout life.

oh, i'm 27, he's 28.

[oldfriend]

sounds like he enjoys getting attention from elswhere and is taking advantage of you and his mild celeberty in order to maintain this lifestyle. He uses the movie and business as an excuse not to focus further on the relationship...but says he still wants you in his life prolly because he wants the moral supprot and quick fixes. There might be a friendship as a foundation but he can't have his cake and eat it too hon. There are plenty of people out there who are able to work crazy hours and jobs and are still able to remain in loving close relationships. It seems like the both of you are using the movie as an excuse instead of whatever the underlining issues are.

[star_nugget]

yeah. i don't know about the whole "having cake and eat it too thing."

he's not even so excited about all the attention, and this work isn't just work, it is his life.

we are aware what our underlying issues are, it's just working on them right now is a struggle. he says he switches back and forth in his head from considering the two of us just running off somewhere new, and to having no GF and just focusing on his work. obviously he is confused. i'm up for giving him time. perhaps he will miss me and want to be with me still, and maybe he won't. who knows?