He has a habit of not calling when he said he would!

[BrooklynRose80]

I've been with my boyfriend since the beginning of the year..we would talk all the time and he did what he said he was going to do. But lately, he says he's going to call me before he goes to sleep and he doesn't...so far, he did it TWICE in one week. Once, he went to sleep near 6 and text me an "apology" near 10:30 that he was tired.
Yesterday he was doing yardwork the whole day and text me near 8 that he was done and would call me when he got out of the shower..never heard from him. I'd like to think there's another woman, but then, most nights he calls me consistantly.
He just seems inconsiderate and only calls me when it's convenient for HIM.
I've addressed the issue - but he says I'm not being "understanding" about how tired he is, and I get no where.
How can I take action against this? There are things happening in my life that I wind up needing to tell him at night and never get to because he's sleeping or doesn't bother calling (then he complains he's not part of my life).
Should I ignore his calls from now and on to prove he can't just call when he's got time? What do I do with this anger I have for his flimsy communication?

[Nicholas_V]

aren't you a little bit too harsh? Haven't you ever fallen asleep on a sofa after a day's hard work (especially if it involves physical activity)? It happens to many people. If you are so sensitive with such small things you will make yourself unhappy fairly quickly.

[BrooklynRose80]

He asks me to call him when I get home from a meeting - or when I get home from visiting family and I love him enough to keep my word - and as tired and busy as I am, I ALWAYS call him as he asked...he's not giving me the same consideration - and he's HOME all night. Before I lay down for the night I call him because we always miss talking to each other. If I can call him when I walk in the door late at night to tell him I'm safe, he should be able to take 10 minutes to say goodnight as he has for most of our relationship.

[Nicholas_V]

but did you say it happened only twice in like 4 months? Maybe he just had a bad week?

[BrooklynRose80]

It happened many times in 4 moths - but once in a blue moon in those time periods - now he's doing it consistently multiple times during the week and only calling when it's convenient for him :-(

[HeartIsAching]

I've been with my boyfriend since the beginning of the year..we would talk all the time and he did what he said he was going to do. But lately, he says he's going to call me before he goes to sleep and he doesn't...so far, he did it TWICE in one week. Once, he went to sleep near 6 and text me an "apology" near 10:30 that he was tired.
Yesterday he was doing yardwork the whole day and text me near 8 that he was done and would call me when he got out of the shower..never heard from him. I'd like to think there's another woman, but then, most nights he calls me consistantly.
He just seems inconsiderate and only calls me when it's convenient for HIM.
I've addressed the issue - but he says I'm not being "understanding" about how tired he is, and I get no where.
How can I take action against this? There are things happening in my life that I wind up needing to tell him at night and never get to because he's sleeping or doesn't bother calling (then he complains he's not part of my life).
Should I ignore his calls from now and on to prove he can't just call when he's got time? What do I do with this anger I have for his flimsy communication?

Hell no. Do not ignore his calls - that's using an abusive method to force your way. Instead, you should be clear in your communications with him.

My wife used to do the exact same thing to me - she'd say she was going to call, and then things'd come up, she had other calls to make, somebody'd stop by, a professor had a question, whatever, and I'd wait and wait, wondering what was wrong. I fixed it with an "I Statement".

An "I Statement" is a way to express your feelings clearly without being confrontational. You begin by saying "I feel _________ when you (whatever it is they do). This isn't confrontational, because you cannot argue with what another person feels. That's the first part. The second part is that you have to state PRECISELY what it is that you want the other person do to about it. If they can't, or find it unreasonable, you have to come to a compromise.

So what I said to my wife was:

"I feel unimportant and unappreciated when you promise to call me, and you don't. I want you to call me or send me a text, even if only to say "Something came up, I'll call you later."

It worked like a champ, give it a try.

[MaidenMinx]

He just seems inconsiderate and only calls me when it's convenient for HIM.

Personally, I don't call anyone if it's not convenient for me.

I wouldn't suggest ignoring his calls, unless you are the type of person that will jump and answer the phone every time it rings, then yes, maybe you need to learn there are times you are allowed to not answer the phone (eg will you answer your phone while you're in the shower? Then maybe learning to relax a little is a good thing)

[Dune]

You're being a lil too harsh on him. As is most of the cases, we don't get the attention we seek when we demand for it. Don't make him feel like it's such a chore to call you.

Give him some space. He probably needs to feel his own control and autonomy for a bit. Once he's good, he'll come to calling you. Note that the effect is opposite if you continue to smother him.

Difficult I know, but give him some time. And don't be rude to him. Sounding angry once he calls will just turn him off, and further confirms in his mind that its a pain to call you.


I know this is gonna sound lame but read this chapter:
'Men are like rubber bands' from 'Men are from Mars Women are from Venus' by John Gray

Well not every word in the book holds true for everyone, but hey, it paints a good overall picture

[Nicholas_V]

I agree with Dune. If you keep nugging him about such things, you will just make yourself unpleasant (and possibly for no reason) to him.

My former gf and I had a very happy relationship and loved each other to bits. A few times I had fallen asleep while talking to her on the phone at the beginning (like the first few months, before we move in together). We laughed it off every time.

And she too was the kind that she would forget to call - but I knew that this did not mean anything. It was just her. You should learn to accept each other the way you are, if you are hoping for this to last. No one can pretend for too long - we all are ourselves in the long term.

Of course that doesn't mean that you should not point it out to him - but I don't think you should push for it.

[DarkHelmet82]

hes playing games with you and you are falling into the trap...

[CAM]

I suggest buying a Voodoo doll that looks like him and shoving a phone down its throat everytime he doesn't call. Yeah, becoming Evil Witch with him will definitely win his heart and mind and then you will own his soul...

Seriously, chill a bit. You assume that he's playing games because you know that you are capable of playing games. Reading motives into him, I'd bet. Equals insecurity.

[CAM]

hes playing games with you and you are falling into the trap...

He might be, sure. The more likely possibility is that he's either: a) busy with something or b) he wants to keep things normal with you...relationships are artificial things in the early stages. Think about it: two people have their own lives and family customs and then voila...two strangers decide to form a bond and set out to create, out of whole cloth, a new way of doing things with each other. Here you are (one of these strangers) and you are saying, "Hey! You can't do it your old way anymore! You have to do things a totally different way..."our" way (aka "my way"). And, worse still...you aren't even commited to one another (yet). And still: "new rules" in; "old rules" out? Any guy rebels against that approach.

[sammygee]

can I quote you here?

"I'd like to think there's another woman but......" You seem to be insecure about him .....and I think you are probably driving him away.
he wouldn't be cheating or anything, just genuinely tired and talking to you might be a little bit of hard work at the moment. Sorry.
Find other people in your life to talk to when you "need" someone as you have only been dating this guy a few months right? You need to giv ehim a bit of space.
i sH ea great guy and worth it? If so, girls need to learn to back off a tiny bit even when it seems to be going well. Feel free to ask me more about howguys tick

[SimplySam]

I'm not a man but I can speak for them in this scenario. guys hate phone calls. to them, it's a waste of time. they prefer face to face.

[elleda]

if you find yourself having to make excuses for him or you are not sure if he loves you...

he doesn't! change your number and take the power back.