New relationship fears :S

[fruebj]

Hi all,

Just wondering whether you could offer me some advice, I am really scared.

I have been going out with my bf for just over 5 weeks and over that period things have been intense but amazing. He is perfect, he loves me and I love him, we've been away together, have things in common and love being with each other.

However yesterday afternoon, out of nowhere, I got this horrible knot of dread in my stomach about whether my feelings were real or not. All of a sudden I was seeing him completely differently, we hadn;t had an argument or anything, things were completely normal, and it was as if I didn't have the same feelings for him anymore, and it terrifies me.

I've felt sick all day because I can't justify my feelings. Maybe its because things have been so intense? The thing is he is leaving for Germany in 6 months (he'll be there for 3 years), and we have been talking so much aboutnthe future and spending out lives together. Do yo think this is partly to blame?

I've spoken to him on the phone as he has gone back home and he seems pretty upset and confused, as am i. I have no idea where this has come from, I was head over heels for this guy on Friday and now I just don't know what is going on.

Has anyone else had similar experiences or could offer me any advise because at the moment I am a wreck. I don't want to break up with him, I just desperately want to get the spark back that I had for him just a few days ago.

Thanks all

M.

[Riku]

I think the spark is gone because you moved too fast emotionally and now you have no where left to go. That spark isn't constant forever, I think it comes and goes. Slow down a bit, relax, enjoy your relationship and stop worrying about it. It'll come back.

[fruebj]

Hi guys

Thanks for your advice. How do I get rid of this feeling in my stomach? I want to make this work more than anything but I need this irrational fear to go away.

Thanks

M.

[Cerby]

That feeling is anxiety, Riku is right when you said that its likely things kicked off WAY too fast (loving someone in 5 weeks isn't usually normal) and now you're wondering if you're in over your head, putting your guards back up, and get anxious over how you actually feel.

The battle you're going to come to now is slowing down and taking things at a normal pace, as this happens you'll miss your initial closeness, and this will create your first real challenges as a couple. Your feelings will change (not necessarily a bad way), and you'll need to communicate more.

I'm in a similar situation, trust me, it can be done, but it will take some work on your part.

[Cain]

It's because you claim to love each other after only 5 weeks.

[DolphJames1988]

Have you recently come out of a relationship? or have feelings for others? you can't "LOVE" someone in just 5 weeks, love is a feeling that gradually builds as you're with someone, not trying to get you down or anything, but love doesnt come that easy. It seems to me that you have moved too fast in this relationship, and now you're at a point in which you dont know in whichc direction to go. Do you like him? then if so what do you like about him? do you see a future for you and him? if so stay with him, stay with him for the reasons you know you should. Justify the reasons why you should and shouldnt stay with him then the answer will all become clear in the end. Hope that helps

[devonbrown]

I agree with the others that you have moved very fast and your emotional statements are out of line with what your heart is trying to tell you. You are confusing infatuation with love at this point.

It is normal to be anxious and have doubts about things. Just take a deep breath. I am not sure that there is a way to get past that feeling in your stomach except for time and open and honest communication with your bf.

Good luck.

[fruebj]

Hi guys

Thanks for the advice.

I did something a little crazy last night and drove all the way to his to see him. It was good - we talked about things and realised that we had moved too fast too soon. I also told him that I didn't think I loved him at this stage, it upset him but I knew I had to be honest. I going to give this my best shot - I definitely like this guy, I think I am still attracted to him, he is funny, kind, caring, considerate and intelligent and I need to concentrate on that. I don't know where allnor these fears have sprung from, especially the ones about whether I was still attracted to him. I'm feeling better today, I just really want to feel like I did a couple of days ago. This guy is the best thing that has ever happened to me, just a few days ago I could easily imagine a future with him. I just want those feelings back.

M.

[fruebj]

Hi guys

I have just been doing a bit of research and I think I am suffereing from relationship anxiety, questioning if I love/ like him constantly.

Ive been better today, feeling more positive and I hope this will continue.

Any tips on how to deal with this anxiety?

Any help much much appreciated.

Thanks

M.

[Cerby]

Once things are going well, the anxiety disappears. Usually its caused because in your mind you know something isn't right, but you don't know what. I've been there, and as long as it isn't making you sick, it will probably go away once the two of you start a normal paced relationship. If it is completely destroying you inside, you can see a councillor for some 1 on 1 advice, they can usually assist with getting your thoughts in order and relieve anxiety.

[sammygee]

That is BS you can love someone in a day
That love just builds into stronger love from that day. Don't lisen to people who say you cannot love someone in 5 weeks

You will be ok. There is a stage in your relationship where some ofthe thing s you overlook during this loved up phase will come to light again an dhave to be dealt with.
Just relax and enjoy your relationship. No need to talk abot it with him. just make plans to do fun thing s together.