Does the date really matter?

[Jolicoeur]

Have you seen this clip? It's been around the web-wide world:
[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU1x8Ll62QE]YouTube - Chatroulette Love Song[/url]

It makes me wonder: have you ever been on a date with a guy you were not really interested in (like a date set-up by a friend, or after the guy persistenly persuaded you, but then regretted accepting), and then got so impressed at the date to the point to completely change your mind about the guy?

Do you think an all-stops-out date could change the cards?

If you say no, this would mean that dates are nothing else but confirmation of initial attraction. But if you say yes, I'd like some pointers on what you like in a romantic date.

I'm really only interested in the female perspective of this question, but if some guy has wise insight on the matter, I wouldn't mind the odd male comment. Thanks in advance.

[IndigoGal]

For me what would make or break the date is the connection with the guy. I have had dates I wasn't too enthusiastic about that turned out to be great. I don't think it was so much what we did as the conversation. My best advice, find a place to have a nice drink, where you can hear each other speak, nicely lit, and preferably where there's a potential to be touching (like a place where you sit on couches or at a bar, as opposed to opposite sides of a table). I think different types will find different dates appealing. I love a nice cocktail, then dinner at a moderately prices restaurant that is a favorite of one of us, and lots of chance to talk. Maybe a walk somewhere nice or going to some live music/dancing afterwards.

Again though, it's never been the things we did on the date that won me over. It's always been the conversation and connection with the other person.

[Jolicoeur]

So the place has no importance whatsoever? You might as well have a date at a take-away corner shop?

[sadie_genie]

Yes, date impression is important, especially the first date. If he is willing to take a girl to macdonalds on the first date (unless he is like 12), then it says alot about how the guy will treat her later on when they are dating. Also, if he wants to go dutch on the first date, then I will know he is either not interested in me, stingy, or can't afford a girlfriend.

[ChiaraSays]

I personally don't care much about the setting of the date. I like to be able to connect with a guy..

Once, this guy made the most extravagant effort on our date. About half way in I realized I hated him and everything he stood for... I actually couldn't stop laughing at how cheezy the date had been and how much effort he had put into trying to cover up what a douchebag he really was.

You can take me to McDonalds, tell me you get paid tomorrow and talk to me about science and psychology... and my eyes will be set only on you. You can take me to a fancy dinner followed by a moonlit boat ride and preach to me why you think the death penalty is the word of God and I'll want to cut my wrist and run away barefoot.

So....

[sadie_genie]

You can take me to McDonalds, tell me you get paid tomorrow and talk to me about science and psychology... and my eyes will be set only on you. You can take me to a fancy dinner followed by a moonlit boat ride and preach to me why you think the death penalty is the word of God and I'll want to cut my wrist and run away barefoot.

So....

Poor guy, he just want to express his opinion on the death penalty and he is called a douchebag. : (

[Unimare]

I think a date can change a girl's mind, but yes, usually for the connection made not for how impressive the setting was. However, I disagree that the first date should be a candlelit conversation. UNLESS you're both very open, expressive people. Because that can be a bit awkward with the uncomfortable silences if you don't find the right topics immediately. I'd suggest a little more action packed date, suggest something and ask if she's into it (like playing pool or going to the amusement park or something original that I can't think of at the moment) and then maybe later, if you're feeling more comfortable with each other, then a nice cup of cocoa at a cute cafe or something. But that's just me. Girls are different. Also take into account which setting you'd feel comfortable and confident in.

[DarkHelmet82]

my first date with my current girlfriend. When i first saw her.. i was thinking "this isnt going to work." As soon as we started talking things changed, and I am in a great realtionship..

[Unimare]

Yep, that's always a good sign, when you click immediately and find mutual interests and things to talk about.. love it when that happens!!

[Jolicoeur]

Yes, date impression is important, especially the first date.

Do you have any pointers for me what impresses a girl? What impressed you on your last first date for instance? (This question is for every girl here. I'm sure you must all have a special story about a special first date).

Once, this guy made the most extravagant effort on our date. About half way in I realized I hated him and everything he stood for... I actually couldn't stop laughing at how cheezy the date had been and how much effort he had put into trying to cover up what a douchebag he really was.

The keyword here is douchebag I believe. But what if he's a nice guy you don't have special attraction for, who shows you how much he cares by going the extra mile? Could that change your opinion about him? Could that intrigue you enough to create some connection, or at least a start?

You talk about extravagance, but I don't mean spending huge sums of money. Just showing resourcefulness; coming up with something most original; a romantic setting in a location you'd never have thought of. Would that be enough to change your mind about a nice guy? (Please be honest)

Also take into account which setting you'd feel comfortable and confident in.

Yes, that's a good point. Thanks.

[Charlie Boy II]

I think you can usually manufacture a connection with alcohol. It's always worked for me. Come to think of it I don't think I've ever finished a first date sober and I've at least kissed the girl by the end of every first date I've ever been on.

[sadie_genie]

Do you have any pointers for me what impresses a girl? What impressed you on your last first date for instance? (This question is for every girl here. I'm sure you must all have a special story about a special first date).

You don't need to rack your brains out to think of something original. Just go to some place where it shows you have put thought into it. For example, if she mentioned she likes to go someplace or like to eat somewhere, you bring her there.

[Klim]

Personally, I don't care where a date is set.

One time, I gave my potential date the choice of where we'd meet. She picked the hole-in-the-wall local hamburger place, and I've been in a relationship (two years and counting) with her since that date.

Actually, I think a date's setting can reflect the personality of whoever chose where to go. If you pick a classy, 5-star restaraunt for a first date, I'll think you just like spending money and are serious about things. If you pick a hole-in-the-wall hamburger joint, I'll think you're relaxed and pretty laid-back. I still don't care where we'd be, though.

[wolfie91]

One thought: It is much more comfortable for me when a first date takes place in a setting that reinforces what initially attracted me to the guy. Or, barring that, a place where he is absolutely in his element.

In the case of my first boyfriend, the first date was awful for that very reason. The context in which we knew each other was athletically (we both raced). I'm not saying that we needed to go on a run together, but he was clearly anxious about being in an unfamiliar setting, and couldn't take the lead. As a later date, it would have served just fine: we went to a nice restaurant and in the context of a longer-term relationship, I would have been duly impressed. But we hardly knew each other, and I was looking more for a first impression. Instead, I got bumbling and stilted conversation (from myself and from him).

[Jolicoeur]

You don't need to rack your brains out to think of something original.

Oh, don't worry about that. What I've got in mind is so original that I'm not even sure it's legal. I wouldn't be too surprised if less than 100 people in the world have thought of it and actually managed to go through with it.

Actually, I think a date's setting can reflect the personality of whoever chose where to go.

That's interesting. Do you have some examples? The question then is whether that particular trait it is reflecting, is actually appealing to her...

One thought: It is much more comfortable for me when a first date takes place in a setting that reinforces what initially attracted me to the guy.

You're very in line with what Klim said. Could you explain how it reinforces the attraction?

But really, I was more talking about a girl who has no attraction to me. You see, I'd like to go out with a lovely girl that, I believe, respects me, but that does not see a potential partner in me. I think when the time is right (which could be in a long while, maybe even never) I could convince her to come on a single date anyway, for friendship's sake. But I'd have only one chance at blowing her mind. Just a few hours to sweep the world from under her feet and lift her in the clouds. Only if I can amaze her, I just might have a shot at getting her to look past her reservations about me.

I'm looking for more ideas how to do this. I've got a fantastic location. I'm collecting what I believe is her favorite music. I've still got to find out what her favorite meal is, which shouldn't be too difficult. I'm looking into lightning. Flowers and candles perhaps. But I need all the help I can get. I need to consider every mood enhancer I can find to make this a superb first date. One that she'll remember forever, and she'll want to talk to her girlfriends about, who will then tell her how lucky she is.

I need to do the impossible, because this girl is worth that to me.