sometimes i think its the way i look or act

[jayjay30]

that makes him unhappy...

I'm 5ft8. I weigh 120lbs(i've had 5 kids). i got a slight belly pudge to be expected after 5 kids. He really hates that i breastfed my kids(to him it ruined my breasts)..but i think breasts were made to feed your child-so he lost the argument about me breastfeeding our son.

I wear glasses, I have broken front tooth(past abusive relationship), i barely get acne unless im stressed. I got long hair down to my waist, which i dye whenever i feel like it. purple, auburn color, black, blonde or multi colored currently its blonde.

I have bipolar disorder on top of having ppd since the birth of my son. I can be moody and i can snap at him quickly. I dont do it purposely i just reach a breaking point between him wanting me to do things, the kids yelling for me, its like im being pulled in a million directions.

SO I am finally taking time for me, counseling which means meds again, tubal no more babies for me, eye doctors appointment for new glasses, dentist to fix my tooth and have a few root canals done.

He's the only one who finds fault with my issues. my friends say im outgoing, fun to be around, very good person. My friends some who have been my friends for over 14 years said my bipolar isnt that bad they said its just him bitching about nothing. i dont know anymore.

at the moment just listening to him in the other room play with our son makes my eyes tear up-yes im overly emotional...and I have anger issues with men(thanks to 2 abusive past relationships im a tad damaged)

[mhyzkie]

go in the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror... do you like what you see? do you still know who you're looking at? now ask yourself who you really are, what you really like, what would make you happy and what are the best things that you love about yourself ... get to know yourself again... it will take time, and it would not be easy, but you have to do it. you have to find yourself again and love who you are. stick on what you know is true and learn how to block those negative things that makes you feel worthless... seek for a professional help... if you need to go on vacation alone, go for it... keep in mind that nobody has the right to ever make you feel bad about yourself... people who do that got bigger problems with themselves coz they're to insecure and unhappy with who they are, that's why looking at other people's flaws make them feel better. so never ever think that its your looks or how you act that makes him unhappy... its his fault... its himself that's making him unhappy. don't worry about him, worry more about yourself.

don't worry, everything will be OK... I understand how you feel. I myself experienced that feeling... but I was able to get up, be confident and happy of who I really am, without any pretentions and without depending on what other people want me to be... if I did it then you could also do it... have faith in yourself.. remember, no one will ever stick with you, love you, take care of you and help you in times of deep trouble but yourself alone...

good luck

[bulrush]

It sounds like your husband is overly focused on your looks, instead of your personality. I wonder if either of you realize that. Now let's focus on what you can change.

1. I encourage you to get on meds for the bipolar, and apologize for acting the way you did. Although it was the illness talking, he sees it as you being angry, and you still have to apologize for the way you acted.

2. You can get rid of the belly pudge by doing ab exercises. I'm in my early 40s, I do the P90 DVD, lift weights, ab exercises, and I feel great. Thus, I'm the best looking man in the room in my age group, simply because I give a damn about my appearance. Most of the other guys look pregnant with twins. However, your weight indicates you are not that heavy.

3. See if you can get veneers on your teeth or get that one tooth fixed. Might be $500 or so if you pay cash.

OTOH, you husband may simply be shallow. And you can't change him unless he wants to change.

I have a feeling you are a great, under appreciated person who simply needs some encouragement.