Frustrating Love - Bound by a Promise.

[Sonrisa]

Did you just really take this conversation to this level? Really? No I'm not a virgin. And I've done my damnedest not to try and take advantage of the state she's in. Do we want to? Yes. Would that be taking advantage of how crazy her emotions are right now? Yes. Would that lead to her feeling even more guilty about all this? A third yes.

Take the macho 'tude elsewhere. I have no intention of exploiting someone's weakness.

he brings up a good point though. you've been lonely for years, what's your issue?

[Sonrisa]

I've been in your exact shoes before, and the truth is, if she really wanted to be with you that badly, she would be with you now. She's too weak to leave, and until she does, you need to cut her off.


Or you can continue being the pathetic, pussy whipped dreamer that figuratively stands before us. Have you even gotten the pussy?

i am shocked that you dared to call him pussy before i did!

[Blueeyes79]

maybe it was meant to be, you could be the push that he needed to make himself a better man.

Well and that's what she was considering too. But instead of becoming a better, more thoughtful and understanding kind of man - he's becoming a resentful, hostile, and fearful
man who's basically come out and said he doesn't share her beliefs.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I wasn't wondering if you're a virgin, I was wondering if you'd slept with this woman who you claim loves you so much.

It wouldn't be exploiting anything. It would be the two of you acting on your mutual love..guess this whole thing is even more one sided than I originally thought. More of your excuses.

It's not a macho 'tude either. It's a realistic, facts first outlook.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

i am shocked that you dared to call him pussy before i did!

You had your chance!

[VincenzoG91]

Um, yeah, I think you missed that in my previous post where he admitted to treating her poorly and neglecting her for the past 3 years. Also admitted that he never thought she'd go anywhere because of her beliefs which to me sounds like... "i don't have to try because I know you wont go anywhere"

And now that he's actually scared that she'll leave he's starting to give a shit, though for the wrong reasons.

I think that a couple should try to communicate and fix their problems together, instead of dragging other people into the mix. If she isn't happy with him and they can't work out, then she should get a divorce. That's only decent and reasonable way to handle this. The alternative is sneaking around, lying, cheating and causing hurt feelings and confusion. Anybody who thinks that's the right way to handle things deserves the inevitable next round of cheating.

[Blueeyes79]

he brings up a good point though. you've been lonely for years, what's your issue?

Simply to focus on myself and getting to point where I felt I was comfortable as a supporter and a provider. Not letting myself bounce from one relationship to the next.

Ten years ago maybe having fun and not giving a shit was alright. But at 31, sorry, I feel I should be a bit more responsible.

[Blueeyes79]

I think that a couple should try to communicate and fix their problems together, instead of dragging other people into the mix. If she isn't happy with him and they can't work out, then she should get a divorce. That's only decent and reasonable way to handle this. The alternative is sneaking around, lying, cheating and causing hurt feelings and confusion. Anybody who thinks that's the right way to handle things deserves the inevitable next round of cheating.

And she's is currently at this point. Never had been divorced before and pretty scared about the whole situation including going against her religious beliefs I honestly believe is playing a pretty big part in her indecision. She's trying to limit
contact with me in order to try and focus on just her relationship with her husband.

So she is doing what she really should be doing. And right now even though you might view them as excuses these things are really hitting home and causing a lot of turmoil.

[Blueeyes79]

I need to point out something kind of important. We had both agreed that if she would get a divorce it wouldn't be because she wants to be with me and that it was solely for the reason she just didn't want to be with her husband anymore.

And that if that were to happen we would take some time getting to know each other before getting too serious.

Edit: I just realized just how much this topic got derailed. I wasn't asking for help so much for myself but for her (if you read my original post's closing statement) considering I know she's having a rough time of things.

Yes she's been following this thread in its entirety. As distraught as I may be in some regards I was hoping that some would have something constructive to share as far as the stress she's facing right now. Honestly
I really don't think its that easy of a decision to just get up and walk away from a relationship of 5 years, let alone factoring in her religious beliefs. She's not a horrible person and she is trying to do the right thing
even though she's feeling pretty vulnerable and weak at the moment, and I was hoping maybe to garnish some strength from the community to help her in deciding what is the right thing to do.

[Sonrisa]

Simply to focus on myself and getting to point where I felt I was comfortable as a supporter and a provider. Not letting myself bounce from one relationship to the next.

Ten years ago maybe having fun and not giving a shit was alright. But at 31, sorry, I feel I should be a bit more responsible.

i don't buy it for a second. what's the real issue? post a picture

[wolfie91]

You know that you are hurting her, by sticking around, right? She knows you're there, and that if she can ever find the strength to leave this apparently less-than-ideal situation, you will continue to be there. Time to back off and let her handle it. If you do love her, you will realize that she is competent and completely capable of doing this on her own. And that in the end, that's what she needs to do. If she does it for you, only for you, how do you really think that's going to work out? She will come to you with resentment and fear and insecurity. And all that will be your doing. But if you let her alone, she will come to you freely, with the love you found.

[Blueeyes79]

You know that you are hurting her, by sticking around, right? She knows you're there, and that if she can ever find the strength to leave this apparently less-than-ideal situation, you will continue to be there. Time to back off and let her handle it. If you do love her, you will realize that she is competent and completely capable of doing this on her own. And that in the end, that's what she needs to do. If she does it for you, only for you, how do you really think that's going to work out? She will come to you with resentment and fear and insecurity. And all that will be your doing. But if you let her alone, she will come to you freely, with the love you found.

I think you were typing this at the same time as my post above. Scroll up until you see "I need to point out something kind of important. We had both agreed that if she would get a divorce it wouldn't be because she wants to be with me and that it was solely for the reason she just didn't want to be with her husband anymore. "

[wolfie91]

Ah, good catch.

So why are you still kicking around? Especially when it's causing her husband to become angry and threatening with her...?

[Blueeyes79]

i don't buy it for a second. what's the real issue? post a picture

My pic from FB

[Mathias]

This thread title is pretty awesome. Bound by a promise?

Life isn't a Julia Roberts novel. The quicker you realize that, the better off you'll be.