how long does it take to get over someone.

[DarkHelmet82]

Obviously there is no general rule. But half the time you were together, double the time etc... just curious as to what other peoples experiences have been.

[Horseyguy]

Well for me it's been two days after 18 months and that's not because I didn't really love her, you know how much I went through with her but I'm a realist. It just didn't work out. farked if I'm going to go beat myself up over it and farked if I'm going to wallow in the loss of it. Shit happens and you move on.

But then I'm a shallow bastard so I wouldn't use that as a rule

Dude, take stock here. are you talking about your recent ex, or your ex ex?

If you are talking about your recent ex, just move on. It was 6 weeks, it didn't happen, you didn't do anything wrong, just put it down to experience and jump back in there.

[DarkHelmet82]

well i was just wondering in general.. but I guess with my recent ex I was wondering when she would get over her ex ex... I really felt something with this one thats all, and I do believe her when she said she just needs some time to be single.

[Boisdevie]

Depends. When I dumped my ex I was ready to date straight away because I was the one who did the dumping. When I got dumped I didn't really think about it for a year

[DarkHelmet82]

Depends. When I dumped my ex I was ready to date straight away because I was the one who did the dumping. When I got dumped I didn't really think about it for a year

what was your reason for dumping her and how serious were you?

[smackie9]

There are usually three generic reasons for ending a relationship, cheating, abuse or boredom (lack of interest).

[Nicholas_V]

There are usually three generic reasons for ending a relationship, cheating, abuse or boredom (lack of interest).

...or radical change in circumstances - which is actually the worse of all 4, because it is purely random.

[DarkHelmet82]

what about not being mentally ready for a relationship?

[Mathias]

There are usually three generic reasons for ending a relationship, cheating, abuse or boredom (lack of interest).

I've seen many relationships end because the two people weren't compatible. That's not any of those.

[Dune]

My own personal experience. 2 months in, and a WHOLE lot better, though not completely healed. But hey, abs are starting to appear on my abdomen *proud*

From the various discussions that I've had, I would say that there are a number of determining factors that could speed up/slow down getting over an ex:
1) Previous relationship quality and duration
2) Degree of contact with ex after break up
3) Stowing away/ keeping ex-given emotionally charged items (photos, love letters etc)
4) Family/friends support
5) Individual strength

Some people take yeeeeeaarrrrssss.. Some take months..

[Nicholas_V]

Some people take yeeeeeaarrrrssss..

People who fall within this group are in need of professional help. Losing such a big part of your life crying over spoilt milk is seriously unhealthy. Whatever the reason for it.

Congrats on the abs: losing apetite + not wanting to pester friends + need for extra endorphines + extra time is one of the few positive side effects of a break up. I've always been the kind of guy who would go to the gym 3 times a week - same time, same days, same general routine - but since the last few days I suddenly crave for twice as much...

Don't get yourself injured!

[DarkHelmet82]

People who fall within this group are in need of professional help. Losing such a big part of your life crying over spoilt milk is seriously unhealthy. Whatever the reason for it.

Congrats on the abs: losing apetite + not wanting to pester friends + need for extra endorphines + extra time is one of the few positive side effects of a break up. I've always been the kind of guy who would go to the gym 3 times a week - same time, same days, same general routine - but since the last few days I suddenly crave for twice as much...

Don't get yourself injured!

I think it depends on a number of factors... including bbut not limited too how serious was your previous relationship, your ability to deal with problems, other life events. I think sometimes even people who do the breakup need time to get over their exes.

[Nicholas_V]

agreed - I was referring to the "Some people take yeeeeeaarrrrssss" bit. Grievance is natural and part of the healing process and the main reason why most of us are here. But grievance that goes on forever is indicative of other underlying factors - hence the hint for seeking help.

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah i agree... its should never take forever.. but granted some people take longer than others...

[Dune]

I think those people who take longer than usual are either having psychological issues which could possibly stem from their childhood OR they're being self-indulgent over being sorry for themselves.

A real close buddy of mine.. He broke it off with his girl after high school, thinking that he'd enjoy the freedom. Years later, he's regretting, saying how the girls he meet all don't seem to match up with his ex and how she seems to have met all of his requirements. He always talks about his ex. Must feel terrible being the one who called off a relationship that was actually working well. Now his ex is with someone else. Bummer.