Is it wrong that I check her emails without her knowing? I suspect she's cheating!

[Vaja]

I don't know what am I doing and I am feeling sad.

[lostnconfused22]

Well what did you find that might suggest shes cheating??

[Vaja]

There was less communication. She hardly replies to my messages and emails, and she hangs out with a male colleague. I don't know if it is right or wrong that I check her email.

[Kilocake]

It is wrong man. No matter why you do it, it's a breach of trust. That being said, I won't tell you not to, if you find out she is that way then it was worth it. It's a slippery slope though, you should just ask her if she's happy, try and talk to her, but don't just ask her if she's cheating.

[anne1253]

I just recently did this to my bf except not just email, but his phone and anything else I could think of. Here's the problem. Many people cheat and hide it. i have had plently of friends who cheated. They will lie about it to their bf or gf and hide any evidence. So unless you snoop you will be blind to it. And you could snoop and never find anything that would indicate cheating, which was my hopes when I snooped and that would make you feel better and you would probably stop snooping. However, what if you come across something that could indicate cheating but could also be nothing? If you bring it up to her she will be bothered by you snooping and whether not she is cheating she will tell you shes not. Than you have to decide whether to believe her. Once she finds out your snooping she will hide everythign better anyway. she could also split up with you over the snooping because she has done nothing wrong. It will make your relationship worse if you do stay together(thats what im dealing with)
My friends that have cheated, some are still with their bf/gfs and are not cheating anymore, while others ended up spliting because the relationship had too many problems anyway and found somebody new that they are happier with. So the question is how is your relationship?Asssume she is not cheating, and try to work on the relationship. If she is happy, she wont cheat.(Im not sure if it works that way for guys but girls it does) If she is cheating she would stop. Girls cheat because there is something they are not getting from their bf that the other guy does but there is something holding them in their current relationship, like money, kids, love for their bf, or they are afraid the relationship with the person they are cheating with wont work out and dont want to be alone so they stay with there bf until they think it will work out. Im not a cheater, but i did with one person before and regret it. The guy I cheated with gave me attention, he talked to me, and acted like I did everything right. My bf at the time who I loved was always mad at me and made me feel like eveything I did was wrong,he didnt show any appreciation for the things I did for him. I regret cheating and tried to leave him instead but he told me everything I wanted to hear when I went to leave, however nothing changed.

I dont know if this helps any but I hope it does.

[Horseyguy]

Well....... I'm normally the first person on here to jump up and down about people snooping, it is a breach of trust and if you can't trust your GF / partner etc then it's pretty much over anyway.

But here is the thing. I actually trusted mine. I was browsing the history on her laptop for something else, not because I suspected her of anything. I was actually looking for a link to a website I used to check the footy scores, I ended up coming accross a number of links to a dating site which showed she had been into her profile checking emails. I ended up dumping her over it.

Bit different as I didn't set out to snoop, just stumbled upon it, but if I hadn't I'd have never have none what she was up to.

So now, if I suspected my GF was up to something would I take a peek? I dunno.

I guess I'd want to be sure she was cheating and I don't know if I'd dump someone just because I was paranoid and figured they were up to something if they were not.

Have to say what happened to me has made me re-think the whole snooping thing. If I had looked earlier I could have saved myself 6 months of crap

[hello1]

There was less communication. She hardly replies to my messages and emails, and she hangs out with a male colleague. I don't know if it is right or wrong that I check her email.

I do it to my boyfriend quite a lot. I do it to make myself feel better, I don't feel guilty at all and I will always do it. I say don't feel bad, you have the right to know if she is treating you as a fool

[Vaja]

Thanks everyone!

I understand that morally, it is wrong to check her mails without her knowing and a breach of trust. But somehow, I felt desperate to know.

[John Littlejohn]

I understand that morally, it is wrong to check her mails without her knowing and a breach of trust. But somehow, I felt desperate to know.

So your desperation justifies a morally wrong action?

Think about what makes cheating wrong: because it's a breach of trust. So is snooping. If you can't hold yourself back from doing one or the other of those things, then stop torturing other people by dating them.

[VincenzoG91]

Maybe you could ask her if you could look at her emails. Her reaction alone should tell you something.