Anxiety in Relationships

[Cerby]

So some of you know my story of my 3.5 month relationship, the ups and downs, a couple of weeks of "space" to let her work some things out, the rocky start over the first 2 months, etc.

Well, things have finally taken a turn in the right direction, the last few weeks she is genuinely engaged in the relationship, we've been spending quality time together doing quality activities, while still spending a balanced amount of time apart. It is starting to turn into the relationship I wanted from the beginning. She is starting to call on her own accord, sometimes from work just to see how I'm doing, starting to show that she does actually care and think about me whereas before it was me investing the time and effort to make it work.

But I find that with the rocky start, I still fall back on my doubts a LOT, a plain example is that we have been seeing each other every couple of days for the last few weeks and its been great, she has been calling when she gets off work, on her break, etc. Last couple of days, she didn't call from work, didn't call until well after work, and was too tired to hang out (but she did offer last night, I just decided not to because it was clear she didn't really feel like it). I know this isn't an issue at all from a reasonable standpoint, but my mind allows me to start wandering, and wondering if she is going back to her old ways, and its only been 48 hours! I start analyzing her behavior.

This is all in my head I think, if we have a phone conversation that doesn't go perfectly, I start to analyze it and have trouble sleeping, or if she doesn't call when she says she will, I get concerned she doesn't care. If we go more than 3 days without seeing each other I get a little stir-crazy.

I'm 90% sure its me being anxious over how things started, and letting myself blow things out of proportion. I'm wondering if anyone has any experience in dealing with this type of mild relationship anxiety? How do I overcome it?

[smackie9]

Get a life outside the relationship...and it will help you gain some confidence in yourself.

[Dune]

Totally understand how you feel. Like what smackie9 has said, get a life outside of the relationship. You need things outside of the relationship that defines you/makes you who you are. If you're deriving your own self worth from the relationship, you're on the road to being too reliant and dependent on it in order to feel good about yourself.

Get your mind off those destructive 'buggersome' thoughts.. Go do something else. Heck go build something etc.. Once you've achieved this, your confidence/ self esteem will increase, allowing you to go with less worrying. It makes you more attractive too (being all independent and non-clingy).