Is it worth it? Help me please

[gaz1049]

I just dont know what to do. My GF and I are really struggling with our relationship and fight constantly. We have a 9 month old daughter and we both feel committed to the family life we always talked about.

We have been together for over 2 years and were colleagues before we got together. She has never had a relationship over 2 years (we are both mid thirties) which worried me when we go together but assumed it was coz she hadnt met the right guy. I thought I was that guy. She was perfect for me in every way. I got a tattoo of her name, we clicked like no one i have ever known. I remember driving home to see her each night thinking I was the luckiest man alive.

She has been diagnosed as having an anxiety disorder that means she worries about everything all the time - mainly over our dau. We had issues conceiving and she struggled in childbirth and is very protective of our dau so much so that I have only looked after her on my own twice. Her anxiety means she doesn't have much time for anything other than worry. I feel I walk on egg shells with her all the time and any thing outside of her routine sets her off - then we either fight, she shouts at me or I walk out.

I have learnt as much as I can about her condition and encourage her to do self help, she refuses to take any medication or go to counselling. I accept that is her choice.

I have told her time and time again that I don't want her to say F off to me but when she gets angry she says it over and over again. We don't row very well, I keep pushing and she acts bitchy and starts acting like a child would.

I went to a football match, we were going away the day after. We planned to leave that day to take into account the football. We were going to pack in the morning. She told me I shouldnt have gone as there was packing to be done. As I had worked late all week too which meant she was feeling isolated i think. It all went wrong in the morning, we had a terrible fight, she said she was leaving me, I was no support and that everyone was wrong about me and that I am terrible father. She went away to the holiday home with our dau and told me not to come. She called me on the way and started having a go at me again, I told her we could seek counselling but she said she would rather shoot herself. I told her we should try and come up with ideas to make it work. She kept having a go at me so i told her we cant talk until she stopped going over the row - we ended the call. She said I was being cold and clinical. I asked her to at least text me when they were safe - she didnt.

I texted her overnight to say I could drive up to see her and sort it face to face. She has not replied.

I do love her, deep down she is kind and generous but she is emotional and can be very hard. Her family are beginning to hate me as they see her upset and I am the cause to them. She has no relationship with my family as she thinks they are all selfish. My mum has only seen my dau four times since she was born. This hurts me. There is history and my mum was insensitive to my gf over the death of her cat but my gf wont budge on it and brings up my selfish family in every row.

She is the most attractive person in the world to me. We had a great sex life, now we don't have sex more than once a month, she is too tired, she has had some physical complications too which sometimes I haven't been as sensitive to as I might. She knows I am frustrated, in the past we used our imagination or did other things other than sex, now she wont.

I am stuck her alone away from my dau and the woman I love. She wont return my calls or texts asking her if she got there ok. I really get the feeling now she is giving up. I am worried I might be starting to think this is a lost cause too. I am starting to think about practicalities of us splitting like money etc.

I have needs, emotional and physical, which have not been meet for months, I like affection etc she doesn't. I have bad days and she is good support then but normally it is me constantly reassuring her. It drains me. I do agree that a new baby impacts things but I am jealous of my friends whose wifes/gf just seem to cope better with life and being mums and dont forget they have a partner too.

I just want to know is this worth saving and if so how. Please comment. I need insight as I am totally clouded.

[Boisdevie]

I dont' think it can be saved from what you have said. And to be honest I think you were a bit stupid having a child with a woman who obviously has 'issues'. I'd say get divorced and make sure that you get to see your daughter as often as possible.

[gaz1049]

Thanks for your comment. We did rush into the family thing but she was the one for me. I didnt realise this was buried in her. She has low self esteem and doubts herself. I am caring and she likes that. I do feel it is all one way at the moment though which makes me think you are right but maybe she will change back?

[gaz1049]

Please comment.....I need advice.....is this a lost cause? I am desperate

[gaz1049]

Please comment?

[Boisdevie]

She will not change. I had a GF who was impossible and was convinced that she would change - she never did, She got dumped