Confused about his attitude. Someone help?

[bittersweet00]

So I hope I can get some advice on this issue, I will try to make it as clearly as possible.

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about 4 months ago after a long, 5 1/2 year relationship that started our junior year of high school. We're both the same age (21) and had one or two other relationships before each other, so it's not like we didn't know what it was like to be with someone else.
We had been having problems for a while and things weren't getting any better, we both decided that it'd be best to take time apart to save the love we still had for one another before it destroyed completely. We were both very sad that it came down to this decision but it was the best choice.
At the beginning of the break up we didn't talk to each other or had any contact whatsoever, but we had agreed that we still wanted to be part of each other's lives, so we would talk once or twice a week. Well that turned into still seeing each other from time to time, to still going over to each other's apartments and staying the night together. It's like we were still doing the same things, we just weren't 'official'. We had also talked about the possibility of us meeting new people, but that we would still give us a chance to see if our relationship was better a second time around. We didn't want a new relationship. He would still tell me he loved, and cared about me. He would still kiss me with the same intensity, he would tell me his feelings for me were still the same. We were planning on getting back together, we just needed time.

Up until a month ago, I thought that was the plan. Until I came home one weekend from visiting my parents and noticed his facebook acct. was still logged on my laptop. I found a message from a girl stating that she had fun with him, and gave him her number in case he wanted to get together again. I confronted him about it in a calm manner, and told me to tell me the truth whether or not he was messing around with another girl. At first he told me I was overreacting and that I was reading too much into it. He told me he didn't think she was that attractive and he just thought she was nice and was out with other friends when he met her. The following week after this incident I didn't hear anything from him. No calls, texts, nothing. During this time, I felt incredibly anxious because I just KNEW that something was going on between them. So I asked him to tell me the truth, because it was better that way. He confessed he had kissed her and was starting to hang out with her more, he also got defensive and told me his friends were none of my business. Which I agree, but not if he was doing all sorts of things with me and then going off and doing the same with another girl on the weekends.
I told him it was wrong and that it wasn't fair that he was doing that. I knew I could be doing the same, but I can't just go sleep with some random I meet at the bar. He then went off and said he wasn't sure if I was "the one" he said he had strong feelings for me still but just didn't know if what he felt was true love or not. He basically told me he wanted to get to know this girl better and since that was happening, he didn't feel right being with me the way he had been all along.

It's been over a month since this happened and we've pretty much kept communication to a minimum, he texts me once a week asking how I am, how work/family is etc. But I try to not respond or get too involved because I know nothing I say right now is going to change his mind about what he's doing. I told him there's no point in saying "I love you" or "I miss you" when I know I'm not going to get the same response in return. He just stays quiet when I say that.

I feel like right now he's found someone new, someone different, like a shiny new toy and he's totally kicked me off to the curb. I find strength in my family and my beliefs but there are days when it kills me and I just get angry because I find it hard to believe he's totally tossed years and years of a relationship out the window over some 'fling' he's having with this girl.

Another thing I don't understand is why he still texts me and wants to know how I'm doing/what I'm doing etc. Why be so interested in my life if I know you won't be back with me anytime soon? If I don't reply he texts me again a few days later and asks if I'm ignoring him.

I feel like it's pointless for him to try and keep tabs on me. He says he doesn't want a relationship because he needs to stay focused in school and doesn't want me, her or another girlfriend right now. I call bull * on that because then what the heck are you doing with this girl? He tells me he could see himself being with me and getting married down the road, if we both fixed our issues but he's not sure. He's seeing a psychologist once a week to help with school problems and to get in touch with his feelings (he was never great at that during our relationship) so I know he needs time. I also know that this girl he's seeing is going on a study abroad trip to Europe at the end of the summer for a semester. So what is he going to do when she leaves?

I see pictures of them on facebook now, not like kissing or anything but out with friends/at the bar etc. He seems to be enjoying his time with her a lot. I don't want to sit here and wait around for a relationship that might not happen again, but I'm finding it really hard to just move on when I know there's that small glimmer of hope that things could work out in the end...

Any advice is appreciated. I'm just really confused about the situation.

[phoenixxavierre]

My advice to you is to go with your heart. It sounds like you're expecting things to change when his shiny new toy goes away. That might be true. He may be keeping contact with you because he knows she'll be gone eventually and he wants someone to fall back on when that happens. He doesn't want to burn his bridge. Or it could be that he wants his space for a while. You also can't assume that they are doing the deed unless you catch them in the act or unless he admits it to you. You're not in an easy situation. I guess it depends on if you want to hold out until she leaves or not. Sounds to me like that's what you're thinking about. I do know how you feel. If you think it's worth it, wait it out. Maybe he'll come around eventually. It really comes down to what you want, as you're the one living your life. He's not. And no one else is either. So listen to your intuition, your womanly instincts.