We Took It Too Fast, but Still Want Eachother

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Background:
We're both college students. I'm 20. He's 21.

We met as soon as my relationship was crumbling with my ex. A week later, me and my ex break up. Me and this new guy begin talking. Things got serious really fast. I, stupidly, got into a rebound relationship with him. I was his first 'girlfriend' and I took his virginity, and then backed out because I wasn't ready.

We took some time off. I tell him I want to try again, he says he's really scared this time and it's not the right time. He doesn't want to lead me on, so he says he'll tell me when he's ready. I tell him I'm not going to wait for him. If things fall in place, then they will. And I told him I was sorry for doing the things I did to him because I was not emotionally prepared to be with someone again.

He texted me more often when he first said he needed time. He's still nice and makes gestures to show he still wants to be friends. He'll save a seat for me in class and hug me before I leave when I'm very distant toward him. But he's texting me less, I guess. And it bothers me. It's hard for me to make conversation with him or look him in the face. I don't initiate contact with him unless necessary/regarding school.

Is he losing interest in me because I'm showing resistance toward him?

It's obvious we're both hurt. But I'm not going to chase this guy. If he wants to be with me- he has to show it.

UPDATE:
I texted him two days ago to see how he was doing. It was a very dry conversation, contrary to our normal conversation.
He hasn't said anything to me since. I think he's cut his losses...

UPDATE:
He RSVP'd no to all my events on facebook (a party at my house and a walk for a cause).
He invited me to his large birthday party, about 200+ guests, I RSVP'd no. But I did give him a quick call him to wish him a happy birthday.
I invited him to my birthday dinner, he RSVP'd no. My birthday hasn't come yet, so I don't know if he'll wish me a happy birthday.
We ignored each other today. But we both noticed each other. And I caught him looking over at me.

Is there any hope even to be friends?
I feel stupid for asking since it seems so clear and obvious.
I should move on.

UPDATE:
I had an embarassing moment where my shoelace got caught in the escalator, and he and his friends happened to be the only people around. I squealed because I was with my friend and my shoe was stuck, but he and his friends kinda laughed at me. It was embarassing. I didn't look at him but I noticed him out of the corner of my eye and heard him. He laughed the loudest.
I unfriended him off facebook about two days later.
He then blocked me on facebook.
And then wished me a happy birthday via text early in the morning. "happppppyyy bdayyyyyyy!" . I replied "Thanks!" a couple of hours later. He gave no reply.

?

I realized I should move on. But what's with the mixed signals? I want to talk to him, but then I don't want to look desperate or seem hung up on him, as he didn't pick up or return my call when I invited him to my birthday, but just RSVP'd 'No' on facebook.

It seems like he's playing the 'inaccessibility game' and trying to 'one up' me each time I make it clear I want him out of my life. And then tries coming back just to play this psychological game with me. Kind of holding his place in my life in case he chooses to come back after seeing that he's not interested in any other girls or whatever. Is this an accurate analysis? It's obvious he checks my facebook/thinks about me if he does these things.

[Archie]

Your last line pretty much sums it up. If neither of you are going to take the initiative then this is the end of the relationship.
You can`t make him take the initiative, so just a while, if there`s no reaction - move on.
Thanks for sharing.

[DarkHelmet82]

it seems like hes trying to be with you and you are acting distant.. STOP PLAYING GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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it seems like hes trying to be with you and you are acting distant.. STOP PLAYING GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not even sure if he's TRYING to be with me. He told me he has a lot of stuff going on and he's not ready. We said we'd be friends and keep each other around if we ever needed help... but I don't really think he's putting in the elbow grease to get back into something with me.
He hasn't asked me to hang out. Hasn't put in any special effort.

I don't really think I'm playing games. I'm distant and hurt. There's only so much I can do without looking desperate. I can only be so cool with a guy I have such great feelings for.

[Avg.]

Your last line pretty much sums it up. If neither of you are going to take the initiative then this is the end of the relationship.
You can`t make him take the initiative, so just a while, if there`s no reaction - move on.
Thanks for sharing.

Pretty much.

It's hard being rational in these types of situations, but I think I'm doing a good job so far. I'm not going to put my integrity on the line.

The saddest part in all this is that this is exactly what I put him through. The tables have turned and I have to swallow my pride and accept what I did to him. The only thing is that he might not come back and want to be with me.

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UPDATE:
I texted him two days ago to see how he was doing. It was a very dry conversation, contrary to our normal conversation.
He hasn't said anything to me since. I think he's cut his losses...

[Red Apollo]

I think its kind of silly to expect him to chase you, all the while you give him resistance. It wouldn't be so bad, but considering what you did to him the first time I think it would make more sense for you to chase him a little. Show him that you want him. Its a lot better then just saying "Ok, sorry about before. I'm ready now." and expect him to dive in head first when he got burned. (Most likely pretty hard, since you were his first.) You are just reinforcing in his mind you aren't that interested by being cold and distant and only talking to him out of need. If you really want to be with him, quit playing games and just ask him to hang out and take it from there. You pretty much have to start over, because he is gonna have his guard up for awhile.

If you aren't willing to put any effort into it, then you must not like him that much. So the choice is yours.

[hithere]

I couldn't agree with RedApollo any more than I do. After what you did, expecting him to chase you is kind of absurd. If you want to be with him now, you need to be the one doing the chasing. I don't know why people assume that the man always has to do the chasing. Trust me it works just as well when the woman chases. Being distant to him yourself will drive him away because like Red Apollo said, "He has his guard up". If you want him, show him you're willing to make an effort and I'm sure after a while he will start making an effort too.

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Update in the Original Post.

[Cerby]

Question, how long did you last before you backed out the first time and how long did you wait to try to get back with him? Was it so long that he might have moved on?

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Question, how long did you last before you backed out the first time and how long did you wait to try to get back with him? Was it so long that he might have moved on?

We lasted about a month. The first time was 1.5 weeks in. The second time was the a week in. And the third, was the week after.
I wouldn't say I broke up with him until the third time, really. I just voiced high concern and doubt the first two times.
And I told him I wanted to do it again two weeks after.
It's been a month since our last significant convo on the phone. He's declined every invite to hang out and barely texts back.

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Update in original post.

[ctr916]

It's obvious we're both hurt. But I'm not going to chase this guy. If he wants to be with me- he has to show it.

In my opinion and in modern times, I believe women should reconsider that attitude; after all, real men don't wear shining suits of armor or hire chastity belt makers and call it chivalry anymore. Many modern men are taking economics and learning about socioeconomics and social transaction costs. The social transaction cost for men is much higher than it is for women, especially for short term relationships when no money is involved.

Some guys may find it in their interest to have women pursue them to show that they are somewhat serious about a relationship, instead of the guy having to swim oceans and climb mountains, only to be made to wait until the girl gets done being used by all of the other ones.

[bulrush]

Is he losing interest in me because I'm showing resistance toward him?

Definitely, yes.

It's obvious we're both hurt. But I'm not going to chase this guy. If he wants to be with me- he has to show it.

What a lazy and self-centered thing to say.

Just a reminder here. I rarely date women that don't message me first on dating sites. I want a modern, liberated woman with the confidence to send that first message. Poseurs need not apply. I'm simply tired of women expecting men to do all the work, yet those same women claim to be "liberated". Hogwash.