Feel like im being pushed away, advice would be grateful

[jwb5jw]

hi

Im in need of some female advice as ive been going through an interesting time as of late

I met this girl about 9 months ago when i started training at my new job, im 27 and she is 24, we didnt really talk
during training or anything but had the occasional chat, but as soon as i lyed eyes on her i thought she ws amazing.
Then we both went our seperate ways,
her to the main office and myself out onto the road and didnt really speak for like 6 weeks.

Then my father passed away and i recieved a message from her saying if i need to talk then she
as always there and from that day foreward we spoke all day every day for pretty much 6-7 months.

As time grew on i told her that i liked her, but she was seeing someone in the office who was a real ass and told me that she
had a boyfriend, which i understood. they broke up and then we decided to meet up as we had only been talking via text message, we went out for a drink and dinner and everything was really nice, this continued for about 7 weeks, just spending time together when we could, which was about once a wek but still talking everyday. she said she didnt want a relationship right now and i again understood, thinking that in time she would and with how we were together it would be great if it happened.

We spend valentines day together and i pushed to boat out and she was amazed at it, we went out to dinner in london and also spent time at tower bridge in london at a valentines evening they planned. we had our first kiss on the bridge and it was perfect. As time moved on we slept together which brought us closer together, we didnt plan it and it just happened and we both said how intense and passionate it was and definately did not regret it.

Then suddenly things started to change, she kept reiterating that she didnt want a relationship right now and it seemed to me like she wanted everything a relationship has but not the commitment which confused me a little bit. We had a chat about "us" and it ended in her in tears saying how she didnt want to lose me at all and wanted to take things really slow, i didnt mind.
I kept it together and we just cuddled for ages after.

about a month later we had another chat, not sure how or what brought it up tbh but it ended in her again saying he didnt want a relationship right now (which i again understood, but was still confising as i didnt feel like i was putting any pressure on her) and that lets cool things down massively, which to be honest hurt me as i had strong feelings for her, she asked for time to think about things and i said id giver her as much time as she wants and i wont contact her at all.

Later that afternoon she called me nd said that she hoped i didnt hate her, i told her it was far from the truth and she pushed as to what i meant and it came out " because i love you"! i didnt expect it to come out it just did in the heat of the moment. She really didnt expect that and i said that i would keep my promise and leve her alone.

Since then i have not initiated any contact with her but she has been texting me all the time, i was really confused by that but i still replied to her messages. One day she would text me continuously and then the next id hear nothing, and this was playing with my heart strings. basically it ended up with me eventually messaging her one day saying "hey hun hows work going today?" i know she had read the ,essage but she didnt reply so about 3 hours later i sent her a message saying "its pretty rude that your ignoring me" and i got a real arsey message back saying i dont have time for your moods and have more important things to think about etc, to that i said "ok il leave you alone for good, seems like what you want". With that one message i had done what i thought i needed to do, leave her be and try and get on with my life. I know i needed to do this but really didnt want to as i felt so much for her and when we are together its perfect (her words by the way).

So i did eve her alone and then i got injured at work and ended up in a&e and i soon got a message saying "are you ok, wht happened" she had obviously seen the log on the computer system about me and started to worry. Since then she has been txting me again, intermitantly yes and she seems a bit strange with me, sometimes txting and then not
replying to my replies, which does annoy me, i will admit that.
I asked her if she was free this weekend and she said yes come over to mine if you want, so thats planned but since that was planned she has been really weird with me, she will message me then il reply and she will leave it a while and then say, im rally busy il talk to you later and then i hear nothing for a day, its just really messing with my mind.

I have so many things going on in my head, is she interested in someone else? is she purposly playing games with me? is she seeing someone else? is she pushing me away? (to me it seems like that)
As i said i am seeing her tomorrow evening, and i keep thinking that its going to be a bit weird bcause we were very cuddly before and i doubt it will be like that now. It feels like she is pushing me away but why would she agree to seeing me?

Do i say to her 1- i want us to be friends (even though that would be hard for me) 2-say goodbye for good saying that i cant continue to have my head messed about with or 3- just say nothing or 4- INSERT ADVICE HERE

We always said we would take things slow and that we were really close to each other, but has it all moved to fast for her? i really am at a brick wall here nd would really appreciate anyones take on what ive written above, i know its long and probably boring but i really need some advice

Jamie

[Mathias]

These stories always make me sad.

I hope I never string someone along like this. If I ever have and didn't realize it, shame on me.

[jwb5jw]

These stories always make me sad.

I hope I never string someone along like this. If I ever have and didn't realize it, shame on me.

by that i guess your saying that she has no feelings for me and that ive been stringed along the whole time of knowing her?

[Mathias]

by that i guess your saying that she has no feelings for me and that ive been stringed along the whole time of knowing her?

I don't think she has zero feelings for you.

You're not her first choice. Maybe at some point you were, but she's keeping you leashed for some reason. I can't really tell you why that is, since I don't know every detail here.

I can tell you that if you continue on this path, you're going to get hurt. Bad.

[jwb5jw]

I do get the feeling that there may be someone else but i just dont know if thats just my brain thinking too much. What do i do then, do i just say goodbye or find out whether she would want a relationship with me? im just confused, sorry

[Mathias]

I do get the feeling that there may be someone else but i just dont know if thats just my brain thinking too much. What do i do then, do i just say goodbye or find out whether she would want a relationship with me? im just confused, sorry

Change your method.

Stop responding to her check-ins. That's how she's stringing you along. Every time she checks in: "I'm great! How about dinner and drinks Friday?"

That gets you out of whatever the hell this is, and puts it in her mind that she either dates you or moves on. It's your only move at this point.

[VincenzoG91]

The really tough part about being a spare tire is all that time in the trunk of the car, alone in the dark. Waiting.

[jwb5jw]

Change your method.

Stop responding to her check-ins. That's how she's stringing you along. Every time she checks in: "I'm great! How about dinner and drinks Friday?"

That gets you out of whatever the hell this is, and puts it in her mind that she either dates you or moves on. It's your only move at this point.

So basically ignore her little chit chat messages and just try and organise us meeting up? And if she doesn't text me at all not to text or call her?

[Mathias]

So basically ignore her little chit chat messages and just try and organise us meeting up? And if she doesn't text me at all not to text or call her?

Not meeting up. Going on a date. That has to be clear.

And yes, leave her alone until she initiates. If she responds that she will, great - name a time and place and be there, no other messages.

If she responds that she can't, don't respond to her at all.

When she initiates again, go through this again until she gets it.

[jwb5jw]

Not meeting up. Going on a date. That has to be clear.

And yes, leave her alone until she initiates. If she responds that she will, great - name a time and place and be there, no other messages.

If she responds that she can't, don't respond to her at all.

When she initiates again, go through this again until she gets it.

So if she messages, suggest a date (do i tell her its a date?) and if she wants to she will and if she says she cant then just dont message her at all?

I worry that it may have slid into the "friends zone" which i obviously dont want.

[jwb5jw]

Not meeting up. Going on a date. That has to be clear.

And yes, leave her alone until she initiates. If she responds that she will, great - name a time and place and be there, no other messages.

If she responds that she can't, don't respond to her at all.

When she initiates again, go through this again until she gets it.

So if she messages, suggest a date (do i tell her its a date?) and if she wants to she will and if she says she cant then just dont message her at all?

I worry that it may have slid into the "friends zone" which i obviously dont want.

If she doesnt initiate anything then just walk away, well try to anyway. And what do i do about meeting up tomorrow evening at her flat?

[Mathias]

So if she messages, suggest a date (do i tell her its a date?) and if she wants to she will and if she says she cant then just dont message her at all?

Correct. Make it obvious by the activity that it's a date.

I worry that it may have slid into the "friends zone" which i obviously dont want.

You've slid into a worse zone - the backup guy. I'm trying to help you get out, if it's at all possible. It's probably not, but worth a try.

If she doesnt initiate anything then just walk away, well try to anyway.

Don't initiate contact until she does.

And what do i do about meeting up tomorrow evening at her flat?

Cancel. Say "something came up and tomorrow night doesn't work anymore". Don't apologize, and don't suggest another day, and don't make up an excuse.

[jwb5jw]

Correct. Make it obvious by the activity that it's a date.



You've slid into a worse zone - the backup guy. I'm trying to help you get out, if it's at all possible. It's probably not, but worth a try.



Don't initiate contact until she does.




Cancel. Say "something came up and tomorrow night doesn't work anymore". Don't apologize, and don't suggest another day, and don't make up an excuse.

Really? she wanted to meet up, she initiated it so surely thats a good thing? Then after that just go with what uve suggested about getting out of the shit hole that ive put myself in?

Ok so lets say tomorrow goes ahead, shall i just go into it not giving a shit and just go with whatever or do i ???

[Mathias]

Really? she wanted to meet up, she initiated it so surely thats a good thing? Then after that just go with what uve suggested about getting out of the shit hole that ive put myself in?

Ok so lets say tomorrow goes ahead, shall i just go into it not giving a shit and just go with whatever or do i ???

No. Cancel.

This is the most important thing you need to do. By jumping at the chance to go along with the plans she suggested, you're falling back into the trap. You're doing exactly what she expects you to do.

Tomorrow does not go ahead.

[jwb5jw]

No. Cancel.

This is the most important thing you need to do. By jumping at the chance to go along with the plans she suggested, you're falling back into the trap. You're doing exactly what she expects you to do.

Tomorrow does not go ahead.

Right ok, i do kinda get where you are coming from, dont let her dictate things etc, play it how i want to play it etc. Am i not cuttin of my nose to spite my face by cancelling and seeming like a bit of a twat?