Three years with a married man...should I tell?

[Khalila]

In October of 2007, I met the man of my dreams. He was handsome, successful, funny, intelligent, charismatic and athletic. I thought God had finally smiled on me. I was so happy and in love that I missed the obvious signs. I allowed him to explore every part of my life. He met my friends, coworkers and family. While telling me that he was estranged from a large part of his family and he only would take me home to meet mom if we got engaged. After dating for about three years he told me we would get married this summer or go our own separate ways because we did have issues. After three and half years, this wonderful told me I wanted too much from him because I wanted more time with him and he stopped talking to me. I could not believe that he simply stopped calling me and would not answer my calls or texts. A friend sat me down in the midst of my grief and forced me to face the truth. We had him investigated and in twenty minutes I learned that he had given me a fake name, was married and had a son. So when I met him October of 2007, he got married March of 2008 and his son will be two this summer of 2011. Do I need to say how devastated I was? How betrayed I felt? That I wanted to die and sometimes still want to die? I finally confronted him and at first he threatened me to keep me from telling his wife and then he broke down and cried. He said he couldn't let me go even when he knew it was best for him. He said he went to his house one day and his son came around the corner and called him Daddy and jumped in his arms and at that moment he knew he needed to let me go because he couldn't risk losing his son. I told him he never loved me, that he was selfish to deny me life he was living with someone else. He begged me to keep his secret, he said his wife would take their son far away from him. He even said he would kill himself if he lost his son. My friends begged me to get away from him. One day he texted me that his wife knew and he needed time away from me to deal with his pain. People have told me that he is lying and that I should tell her the truth. I'm stuck between still loving him, wanting to move on with my life and wanting revenge.

OK virtual world...here are my questions:

1. Is it fair that he lied to me for three years and now gets to go home to his wife and child and be happy while I am left questioning my existence?

2. Is it ok for me to seek revenge since he put his wife and child at risk?

3. Comments...I can handle it but please be gentle

[vashti]

Of course it isn't fair that he lied to you, but if his wife knows, then what is there to tell? Revenge will only make you look psycho, and honestly, I think if he carried on this affair for 3 years, his wife probably had an idea, anyway.

[Saya]

Gosh, this is so sad.... I feel so sorry for you.
I don't understand how he could hurt you like that... this is so wrong!
Even tho if his wife doesn't know about this or he may be lying to you about this....It is up to you if you want to revenge him or not.

I agree with your friend, don't contact him or don't see him again. Stay away from him!
You can't trust him ever again!!

[MerryH]

Revenge is petty and likely wouldn't make you feel any better in the long run. If you do anything, don't do it to seek revenge.

That said, I would tell her. I'd want to know if someone had been cheating on me since before we were even married. I mean, it wasn't like he just made a mistake one night, or even got bored in his marriage and strayed a little. He completely conned one woman and married another one under false pretenses. It's hard to have sympathy for him. If his life is ruined by his wife finding out, that's his fault, not yours.

[Gratedwasabi]

He's playing you. She doesn't know. Tell her.

All his responses? Means to keep you from telling her.

He immediately switched to a new avenue when his old ones seemed to be losing effect on you.

Threatened until it failed. Then pleaded, failed. Then guilt-tripped. Then went back to lying.

Guarantee you she doesn't know.

[hello1]

I bet you she does not know you and yes it is wrong he gets to carry of living such a happy life while he has effected your so much and wasted 3 years of your life

If I was the wife, I want know if my hubby was a cheat so tell

[JadenMia]

I agree with most of what has been said.

I bet she doesnt know, the same way you didnt know. If i were the wife, i would definitely want to know! Its her right to know.
But i would think carefully about what you do now, if you try get hold of his wife, chances are she isnt going to believe you and more than likely this scumbag is going to deny it down to the ground.

Try telling her, if she refuses to listen let it go. Concentrate on yourself healing from this big mess and pray that karma will play its role. All the best