GF told me something I never wanted to hear, can't get it out of my head.

[toshiba]

We were watching the Dateline show "To Catch a Predator" months ago. I said something like "wow, this show is messed up", she said: oh, when I was 16 (below age of consent in our state) I had sex with my dance teacher (male, adult), she said it went on for two years, only close friends knew about it. I told her not to tell my ANYTHING more about her past (wish I said this day 1), she said it shouldn't bother me, that it was a long time ago. Regardless, every time I see a dance anything (store, conversation) I think about it.


I am a firm believer in: What you don't know won't hurt you. There is no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find.


Quick background on me... my relationship career started late, and I consider myself fairly inexperienced... first GF was at the age 20-25, dated few people (trying to find GF, had a few FWB [those who didn't make the cut for lack of better explanation]), second GF (above) at age 29, been dating nearly a year.

[oldskool83]

swallow it man, drop bring it up. focos on what you like about her. it will slowly go outta your mind. we've all said or heard things we shoulnd have or didnt wanna hear.

[surfhb]

So what can we do or say to help you get over the ridiculous thoughts going through your head about something that happened years ago and shouldn't matter to the great relationship you now have with this lovely lady ?

[HeartIsAching]

So you've got a slight security problem... deal.

[Gratedwasabi]

Balls up, dude.. ****.

[Red Apollo]

So she had sex with someone else before, big deal. Not everyone is a late bloomer. You are making something of no significance a big deal in your head. Stop it, because your insecurities are bound to take her to the breaking point if you continue down this path.

[KelE]

Yeh. I think people can go overboard with rambling on with their past. I think it should only be brought up if it is relevant. You should always be honest, but there is no need to use a relationship as a "confessional". If your catholic go see a priest or etc. Don't use the gf/bf for that. But when someone does open up to you, be accepting of things you can relate to, everyone has a past. I realize there is a limit for some things obviously. I also think it is a real turn-off when a person just can't keep their past muzzled and they continuously bring up ex's. It's tacky.

[toshiba]

Thanks for the replies, it's not so much that she had sex before me (most have), but who she had sex with, just sounds no good to me. In my mind, past decisions say something about you.

Things are good with us, but only good. Not awesome, not head-over-heels. I enjoy spending time with her, but we do have differences. Part of me is happy not to be dating people, and have someone to do things with.

[oldskool83]

im sure if you get laid tonight you wont be thinking of anything else but her lol...go at it with her.

[Rabbitt]

Dude seriously my ex girl is like ****ing rank like A+++ yet she told me who she had sex with and stuff and is currently dating a guy looking like a thin Rick Ross, if you dont know who Rick Ross is look it up on google.



Also if you keep worrying about it you will go down the same destructive path I took with her and it WILL end your relationship, dont make the same mistake I did, be smart and just forget about it.

[toshiba]

Sorry to hear that Rabbitt. Eww. WTF did she tell you that?!?! Did you break up due to that alone?

[Rabbitt]

I dont know, we hadnt spoken in months because of our fights, mostly due to me, from the first date i was really insecure and worried about alot of things way too much, she broke it off with me in february, we hooked up again in march and after that the drama started,, today she just called out of the blue asking whats up and then instantly replying that she a had a boyfriend she kept repeating his name, so I looked him up and he's like Rick Ross just the thin version of him.

So basicly she broke it off because I worried too much about her past, and about her interest in me.. I then found some stuff out about her and it made me feel totally different about her. so i got over her untill today when she called. I felt sick again the moment I heard her voice especially the part: i have a boyfriend

If ur smart, just take a breath and forget about her past. if not you'll end up having no sex life at the moment like me

[toshiba]

...today she just called out of the blue asking whats up and then instantly replying that she a had a boyfriend she kept repeating his name, so I looked him up and he's like Rick Ross just the thin version of him.

Oh, so she told you about the BF TODAY? And his full name?!?! WOW, unnecessary information! I didn't even tell a girl I was hooking up with that I have a GF (we chat online every other week), it would make her feel like crap if she had no one.

[curiousgurl29]

Try to get over it. She is 29! It happened 13 years ago! Sheesh! Sorry if it sounds harsh. Hope that helps!