Different Communication Levels

[Gratedwasabi]

Hello.

So, I've been dating a new girl and things have gone well. Four dates and we had a really good talk about what we were looking for/concerns/overall relationship stuff after the last date. She told me she has serious commitment issues, ie she's almost never gotten past a 3rd date, but she likes me and hasn't felt the "flee" urge with me. But still, that scared me a bit!

My main concern, however, is that we seem to have very different communication levels. I'm not terribly needy but I like to have a conversation, even a casual texted one, every couple of days. Even if it's just talking about how work has been or something funny that happened.. whatever. I feel distanced if I don't have that.

She seems to really, REALLY not enjoy talking on the phone, texting or emailing! I almost always have to wait for a response and then I get the bare minimum. I know for sure it's not that she doesn't like me or whatever, but that she isn't a huge talker and has to all day at work.. so communication outside of that is difficult for her when not in person.

It's starting to bother me a bit, though. We had a really fantastic and revealing date the other day and so I texted her today to tell her how much I appreciated her openness and enjoyed her company.. and eventually I got a positive response.. but it was only a short sentence. I suppose it's a silly thing to be bothered by but for whatever reason it's bugging me a bit.

If it's something that became more of a problem to me I'd talk to her about it.. but right now I'm trying to make her feel comfortable with me and avoid her commitment issues! What do you guys think about this? Should I not worry? Maybe she'll become more chatty as things progress?

[MerryH]

I would think she would become more chatty as things progress. But some people really don't do non-face-to-face communication well. If that's the case with her, I'd hope that she'd become more comfortable with it as she gets more comfortable with you.

Really, though, it's too soon to be bothered about this. I mean, four dates - maybe don't expect so much from her. And since she said she has commitment issues, she might be trying to stay aloof, so let her. Don't freak her out by appearing needy.

Have you hit it yet?

[Gratedwasabi]

I would think she would become more chatty as things progress. But some people really don't do non-face-to-face communication well. If that's the case with her, I'd hope that she'd become more comfortable with it as she gets more comfortable with you.

Really, though, it's too soon to be bothered about this. I mean, four dates - maybe don't expect so much from her. And since she said she has commitment issues, she might be trying to stay aloof, so let her. Don't freak her out by appearing needy.

Have you hit it yet?

Nope. Close.

I agree. I don't think it's a big deal, yet.. just used to super needy women by date #5! Haha!

The more I think about it, I'm probably more concerned about the commitment issues thing. She kinda made it sound like at any time she could get her phobia and just start ignoring me. Scary!

[RB7]

@Gratedwasab,

Its still too soon to fret. She is probably those type that are reserved at the beginning of the relationship, but she seems into you so thats a positive sign to look at. You can at any time tell her what you like and your personality (i.e. you like convo and texts, etc…) since she let you know she is afraid of relationships. What im trying to say is, lay all the cards on the table, no need to tip toe around stuff. It's better your partner know who you are soon than later so that they can love you for who you are. Im just saying.

Stay blessed