Trying to reconcile, please help

[lifemess]

god this all sounds so familiar.. he was not MINE! and I got paranoid and needy and all those ugly things.. now he doesnt want to even talk to me anymore..dont do that to yourself lifemess.. you will drive him away..

But how were you paranoid and needy? what did you do specificly?

[fighter]

@ DH: yes, thats what I think is going on in her head. She has alot of thinking to do.

@ Lifemess: "I'm creating this mess and teories all in my head, that's not even true." Thats what happened to me, thats me on the spot. Like DH said, DONT THINK.
I turned to this forum only revently after she said," ive moved on and had enough". Wish i had the brains back then when it was somewhat still salvegable to turn here for guidence.
In a way I do feel good taht shes bothered because I doubt that she understands the suffering an pain with being in a relationship with a person but u dont have a solid ground to stand on which by makeing it official gives you. And tahts the same thing with ur ex. So basicly now im the one mind*****ng her in stead of the other way around but for you its far from to late, you can change a change today. Just keep it cool and everything will sort out. Ill be here incase you need advice. and this case interests me very mutch since ive been through more or less the same thing

[DarkHelmet82]

nah he wouldnt have said it if he didnt want too.. that would just be cold and callous

[Purrzzzzzz]

But how were you paranoid and needy? what did you do specificly?

we were talking every day.. because we still loved each other so much.. but I was always pushing a little.. I wanted him to be mine again.. when he wouldnt respond the way I wanted I would get sad.. sometimes send him sad emails about how much I loved him and wanted back what we had.. the last email was the final straw I guess..too much pressure and making him think too much about it..if I just would have left it alone, maybe we still would have been fine.. now he wont talk to me..

[lifemess]

But how exactly should i act? Should I be the one asking him to hang out, or should i wait for him to do it. At some point, im guessing i have to be the one asking him? And how do i respond to texts without sounding desperate etc? .. Should i even write him texts before he does? I'm all confused.....

[fighter]

As Purrzzzz said, act as it doesnt bother you , but u should not stop takeing initiatives by spending time together, but must also let him do the same. And always have a smile on your face eaven if you are sad.

[lifemess]

we were talking every day.. because we still loved each other so much.. but I was always pushing a little.. I wanted him to be mine again.. when he wouldnt respond the way I wanted I would get sad.. sometimes send him sad emails about how much I loved him and wanted back what we had.. the last email was the final straw I guess..too much pressure and making him think too much about it..if I just would have left it alone, maybe we still would have been fine.. now he wont talk to me..

aww, that's sad.. :/ I feel so sorry for you.. I've done all the pushing till now, or at least i've been trying to talk to him about this and asking him why etc.... And i've been sending him a lot of "cute" texts.. He does respond and says he loves me too and feels the same way afterwords. But this haven't gotten us anywhere yet.. I'ts really hard to stay strong, when you miss everything, and miss how close you used to be. So don't blame yourself.... As you can see, i'm already walking into the same pattern.

[lifemess]

As Purrzzzz said, act as it doesnt bother you , but u should not stop takeing initiatives by spending time together, but must also let him do the same. And always have a smile on your face eaven if you are sad.

But where do i go from here?? I'll just stop talking about us and stop sending him cute messages etc?

[Purrzzzzzz]

yes, stop talking about 'us'.. as for the cute msgs, I think thats ok..what do the rest of you think?

[fighter]

Lets say like this, can u cut down ur feelings that you express towards him by 50%, then you have done alot. You just need to make sure that hes the one that pushes more. Im not saying that you should stop sending messages but send 50% less. and sometimes give him the opertunity to miss you and show apreciation for taht ofcoure. thats what its all about. He needs to miss you, dont ever crave love, then its not love, its forced instead. Act normal, never ever from now on mention how mutch its hurs not being in a relationship. And activate ur self in the process like you are moving on.

[DarkHelmet82]

Personally i like when women do that stuff.. but im an oddball.

[Purrzzzzzz]

Lets say like this, can u cut down ur feelings that you express towards him by 50%, then you have done alot. You just need to make sure that hes the one that pushes more. Im not saying that you should stop sending messages but send 50% less. and sometimes give him the opertunity to miss you and show apreciation for taht ofcoure. thats what its all about. He needs to miss you, dont ever crave love, then its not love, its forced instead. Act normal, never ever from now on mention how mutch its hurs not being in a relationship. And activate ur self in the process like you are moving on.

agreed....

[lifemess]

I just worry cause i know he'll think that i'm playing a game or something... And then he will do the same to me..

[DarkHelmet82]

I just worry cause i know he'll think that i'm playing a game or something... And then he will do the same to me..

yeah i HATE games too.. but unfortuently sometimes you have to play....

[lifemess]

Lets say like this, can u cut down ur feelings that you express towards him by 50%, then you have done alot. You just need to make sure that hes the one that pushes more. Im not saying that you should stop sending messages but send 50% less. and sometimes give him the opertunity to miss you and show apreciation for taht ofcoure. thats what its all about. He needs to miss you, dont ever crave love, then its not love, its forced instead. Act normal, never ever from now on mention how mutch its hurs not being in a relationship. And activate ur self in the process like you are moving on.

That's a great advice, i'll keep it in mind. I'm currently not texting him that much, but i guess i've been texting the wrong things..
But whenever we are spending time together, it is hard to act like i dont care that much. Cause truth is, i fall in love all over again everytime i see him.. clichè