I'm back...and single!

[RdHrshyKss]

So I haven't been on LF in ages. Mainly because it was becoming a major distraction while I was at work, but also because I had a lot of stuff going on personally and just didn't have the time or patience to visit LF.

The last time I was on LF I had been living with my bf of 5 years. We were having a lot of problems and had the ultimate discussion about where the relationship was heading. We decided that things weren't working and that we were going to go our separate ways. However, this discussion took place last fall and the lease to our apartment wouldn't end until April. We decided to continue living together until the lease ran out. Reasons: (1) we were both working close by at the time, (2) we didn't want to have to pay cancellation fees, (3) neither of us were looking forward to having to move back home with our parents, and (4) we figured it would be a good way for us to come to terms with everything, to support each other a bit, and to ease the blow.

Anyways, a lot of people were sort of confused by our decision to continue living together for so long after we had decided the relationship was over. I know, I know...it's weird. But I have to admit that the decision to do so turned out to be a really good one. My ex and I are completely amiable. We still keep in touch and update each other on what's going on. I didn't stay with him for 5 years for no reason...I just learned the long and hard way that we are ultimately better off as friends. When it came to move out day, everything was fine. No stress, no drama...I couldn't have asked for it to be any better.

So, I moved back home a month ago and things have been going relatively well. I was worried that I was going to become depressed and lonely, that I was going to be bored out of my mind (my parents live in a relatively quiet, far away from everything area) and that I was going to be completely screwed when it came to eventually wanting to meet someone again. I have always been somewhat of a loner. I have a few friends that I hold near and dear to my heart, but they are all busy with their own lives and I don't really see them too often. Also, they are either in a relationship, engaged, or already married...so most get togethers have been more like double, triple dates. I'm not interested in being the third, fifth or even seventh wheel...so that limits my involvement in some of their outings.

I have always been self-conscious, and my relationship with my ex sort of exacerbated that. My ex had always wanted certain things about me to change, and resented me when they didn't. I was depressed often and got into the habit of not wanting to really go out. I felt like shit, which in turn made me look like shit...it wasn't pretty. I thought a lot of these habits were rooted within me...that they would still be there even after I moved back home and that I was going to have A LOT of work to do. I was surprised at how wrong I was though. I've been pretty active with my family, helping my parents and spending more time with them. I've gone out with my sister a couple of times and have had a great time. I've even hung out with my brother who is the recluse of the family. He smokes a lot of pot and hides out in his room downstairs playing video games most of the time. He is also a very self-conscious person and I've been trying to hang out with him a bit to get him to loosen up. It's been a slow process, but I'm starting to see some results...he agreed to go see phish with me next week! I can't wait. I also decided that it was time I start taking care of myself. I joined a gym upon the suggestion of one of my friends and have been going almost every day. I've lost almost 10 pounds so far. I'm really happy with the results and it has only motivated me to want to work out even harder. My family is going to OBX this summer, so my ultimate goal is to be bikini ready.

So now comes the downside. I mentioned that my ex and I are still friends. We don't talk very often, but when we do we are really open about what's going on in our lives...how we are coping, feeling, etc. I found out yesterday that he has become somewhat involved with another girl. I noticed that I started to feel bad about it. It's hard for me to really reflect inwards on exactly what I feel bad about...but with some thought I'm starting to think that it's more jealousy than anything else. I always thought I was the needy/affection-seeking one...and I was almost certain that I would be the first one to get involved again. Part of the reason our relationship ended was because he wanted to concentrate on himself more without the pressures of a relationship. He is extremely active and always has something to do/someplace to be. So I was extremely surprised when he told me he was seeing someone. He met her at his sister's wedding a couple of weeks ago. I'm trying to be as positive as I can about this, but it's really hard. I knew it was going to happen eventually...I guess I was just a bit surprised at how soon it happened.

My problem in the past has been putting too much emphasis on relationships and love, etc. and not enough on myself. But I'm 25, about to be 26, and I think all the months I spent living with my ex (when we were essentially already over) gave me the time I needed to reflect and figure out what direction I wanted to go next. The first couple of weeks I concentrated on getting myself on track. I joined the gym, I researched graduate programs and will be applying to start a masters program this fall, and just settled in. I went out with my sister last weekend and ended up meeting a guy. We hit it off and have been texting back and forth a lot. We've even talked on the phone a few times. We have a planned date this Friday and I'm getting a bit nervous. Granted, we've already met, so it's not a blind date or anything...but I haven't dated in YEARS. I have absolutely no idea how I should be preparing myself for this.

I guess this was more of an update thread. Just wanted to let you guys know where I'm at right now. If you have anything to comment, any advice or suggestions...please share. And I appreciate brutal honesty so let it rip...

UPDATE: So the guy I was supposed to go on a date with Friday is a waiter. He had to cancel because he was asked to work a catering job last minute. But he asked if we could switch it to Saturday night instead and I agreed. So around 1pm today, I get a text from him saying that his boss fired someone. That he might have to work another catering job at night if his boss couldn't find anyone else to do it. Again, another cancelled date. But I don't know what to think about this because the guy is still maintaining contact and texting throughout the day. I've never worked in the food business before, so I have no idea what it's like. Is this something I could expect to happen a lot? I tend to be an impatient person sometimes and the repetitive postponing is unsettling. But we both seem to have a lot in common and I enjoy our random text exchanges throughout the day. He has a great sense of humor which is really important to me. Does it make me look too desperate to be OK with this? Is it a possibility that the guy is messing around with me? I'm thinking not because he wouldn't continue texting me as usual if that was the case, right? Ugh...another reason I was NOT looking forward to dating again haha.

[Sonrisa]

whore! left us for a guy and now that you're single you expect attention from us!

j/k welcome back

[RdHrshyKss]

hahaha, oh how i have missed you sonrisa.

i plan on coming back on LF a bit more...but my job responsibilities have increased a lot, so i don't have much down time.

i'm on today because i'm being a major lazy ass at work, and because i needed to vent a little.

when it is all said and done, i will always come back to LF

[Mathias]

Welcome back, whoever you are.

As far as the date, just enjoy it for what it is. Don't put too much pressure on it. If you do, you might end up seeing someone more than you actually anticipated who doesn't match with you.

[RdHrshyKss]

so true. i think that is what i'm most afraid of, getting caught up in the excitement and being blind to reality.

through our communications the past week i've tried to keep a clear head and to be as honest as i can be about myself. i'm typically not the kind of person who will fib or lie because i'm afraid of what the other person will think. if it's something i'm completely confident about, i have no problem disagreeing or stating my difference of opinion. if it's something i don't care too much about i might just not comment.

obviously our conversations haven't gotten too deep. it's only been a week. just casual conversation about common interests and such. any suggestions on things i might be able to do or ask that might clue me in on deeper/important issues without sounding too serious too soon?

[Mathias]

so true. i think that is what i'm most afraid of, getting caught up in the excitement and being blind to reality.

through our communications the past week i've tried to keep a clear head and to be as honest as i can be about myself. i'm typically not the kind of person who will fib or lie because i'm afraid of what the other person will think. if it's something i'm completely confident about, i have no problem disagreeing or stating my difference of opinion. if it's something i don't care too much about i might just not comment.

obviously our conversations haven't gotten too deep. it's only been a week. just casual conversation about common interests and such. any suggestions on things i might be able to do or ask that might clue me in on deeper/important issues without sounding too serious too soon?

Nope. Just have fun.

You'll know the warning signs if/when they come. People just make mistakes when they intentionally ignore them.

[RdHrshyKss]

yeah...i have had a habit of doing that in the past when i was young and naive. i'm at the point now where i'm fed up wasting my time with guys that aren't right for me. i want someone who can appreciate me for being myself. i just hope i have the right instincts to know if the guy is being honest.

[RdHrshyKss]

little bump for an update...

[doppelgaenger]

Listen, I think you're making some good steps in your life, but don't hop into the dating scene so fast.

[RdHrshyKss]

i wouldn't say i was jumping into it. i met the guy while i was out with my sister and we hit it off. it sorta just happened. i mean, i'm not looking for a serious relationship or anything. but i do desire some attention from the opposite sex lol.

[doppelgaenger]

I think that's normal.

[Sonrisa]

Listen, I think you're making some good steps in your life, but don't hop into the dating scene so fast.

ughm, why not?