Moving past stage 1 pf relationship.

[hunter91]

I am actually looking for people to share common experiences similar to the one I am going to share, or some advice.

I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for 18 months not, and I have recently begun to feel myself moving out of that 'romance' stage where everything is super exciting, and I am now very comfortable with him. When it first started I panicked, because I did not know how to react. I thought I wasn't in love anymore, and I wanted to leave him, but something kept telling me, and keeps telling me I am very much in love with him, and those 'feelings' will not always be there. I know they fade, I am just having a hard time coming to grips with it. It also does not help that I have mild depression, so I feel guilty also. However, I want to be with him, we have a perfect relationship and I have truly never met a nicer guy in my life. He is perfect. But even with him being perfect, I have lost those feelings and I see has as my best friend, and someone I never want to lose. Is that normal? I mean I feel awful questioning my relationship with him, because I don't want to ruin a great thing, and then realize I made a mistake. He is very understanding and says he has lost excitement too, but it seems to effect me worse. I want to work past these feelings of doubt and start that lasting committed stage, but I am afraid I will never be able to. Some days I feel great and everything is perfect, and others I feel down and the excitement and want is gone.

How have others dealt with this in a relationship, and what was it like for you? Do I sound normal?

[MaidenMinx]

To me you sound perfectly normal. Losing the spontaneity and excitement can be a nerve racking experience. It can lead some people, especially those that suffer depression to question everything. And that is fine, as long as you know that the questions are coming from fear.

My parents divorced when I was 2 and have both been married more than once. I wasn't shown how to have a successful relationship and it does make me question things. I am marrying my fiance in 2 and a half weeks on our 8th anniversary. I still wonder if I am doing the right thing. Not because I have any rational reason to question things, but because I am still trying to believe that I deserve this much happiness.

Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative.

[smackie9]

To keep a relationship exciting, you have to share the same passions (interests)...this is having lots in common...you need to have this in order for the relationship to survive for the long haul. Also introduce new interests, hobbies, activities for you two do......enjoying new experiences, even meeting different groups, making new friends will enhance your relationship....it will also improve your sex life because it will enhanced your desire for each other. Do things out of your comfort zone.!!!

[MaidenMinx]

Oh I totally agree with lots in common. Part of what got my man and I together is he was the only friend I had that was willing to go to a concert I was really keen for. We got together at that concert and go to atleast one concert a year together to keep things exciting and to keep us connected.

[pisces25]

You need to find a more middle way. Rather than experience high 'highs' and low 'lows' try just being more present on a daily basis. When you are feeling low be kind to it, acknowledge it and recognise that the feelings will pass. Discontentment often comes from these rollercoaster highs and lows. When we are low we look for something to pick us up however this only lasts a short time too, then frustration and depression sets in coz inevitably it goes back to normal. Embrace these feelings as they are part of life and relationships and stop desiring constant perfection. Also try not to label relationships or people as perfect coz the fact is they aren't and that is why it is even more hard to deal with when negative thoughts set in. The moment you place expectations on something is the moment you will experience disappointment.

Look at the positive aspects, you have a safe, secure, loving relationship where you can be yourself. Sounds like the communication is great too. Now the honeymoon period is over the hard work of keeping the relationship alive begins. See it as a challenge and a chance to try new things. And don't worry your feelings are completely normal and something most people experience.