What would you do?

[doppelgaenger]

wait.. how did i miss this.
my husband is going to be annoyed that the guy calling people "faggot" is siding with him.

That's irrelevant. The majority here (And I mean all but apparently one) is against you.

You just don't wanna face it; you're wrong here. What are you going to do about it?

[leftright]

He wasn't threatening you. He was concerend about you. You leave in the middle of the night to go to an empty office/building/parkinglot? Obviously you work alone otherwise you would not still be sleeping at 9am at the office.

Second, you can't 'avoid' the fight if you live with someone. Leaving to sleep at the office. Refusing to answer the phone. That is the equivalent of when you were dating, going home and not asnwering the phone. A lot of times it isn't just to avoid the fight, you are hoping to make them sweat/suspense while giving them the silent treatment.

Stop playing games. Your adult enough to get married, then be adult enough to talk it out.

I feel like "threatening" has become a confusing word for some of you. The POINT is I didn't like someone saying (basically) "give me what i want or i'll blah blah blah." Regardless of anything else, I just flat out plain didn't like it. If he's justified, that's fine. That's WHY I made this post. And I feel like I've been saying many times that I GET it. HAD I texted back and said "I'm ok!" then he NEVER would have said "Give me what I want or I'll blah blah blah."

And AGAIN, I didn't feel I was punishing/avoiding/giving the silent treatment. I truly felt like I was REMOVING myself from a situation / not getting further involved in one. Does that make sense? Not "Do you agree with me?" but do you get what my intentions were? To remove myself. Not punish him.

I can see WHY he might feel that way NOW because I made this post saying "Hey here's the deal..." and all of you are telling me "You're punishing him! You're giving the silent treatment!" So I can SEE now how he might feel that way EVEN IF i didn't INTEND for him to feel that way. With me? So I'm not sitting here going, "Let me punish him, I bet he feels punished!" I'm sitting here thinking "I'm doing us both a favor to step away for now."

[leftright]

That's irrelevant. The majority here (And I mean all but apparently one) is against you.

You just don't wanna face it; you're wrong here. What are you going to do about it?

I invite you to go back through the thread and see HOW MANY times I've basically said "HAD I texted back, then there wouldn't be an issue."

[doppelgaenger]

I invite you to go back through the thread and see HOW MANY times I've basically said "HAD I texted back, then there wouldn't be an issue."

You haven't answered my question.

[leftright]

You haven't answered my question.

What question?

[HeartIsAching]

Bzzzt, wrong. It's a statement.

Not a threat: "If you take out the trash, I will give you a blow job"
Threat: "If you touch my daughter, I will rip your balls off and shove them up your ass so far [...] and the doctor will have to use a scalpel to remove it!"

Try again, supergenius.

[leftright]

You haven't answered my question.

nevermind, I see. I DO believe I faced that I was wrong the MANY times I said "HAD I TEXTED..."

[ShellyZ]

He doesn't mean, what are you going to do about it with us in this thread. He means what are you going to do about it with your husband. Like maybe, go home, apologize for ignoring him all night, and try to have a civilized conversation with him about how to resolve your issues? That might be a good start, yes?

[TonyR]

At this point it doesn't matter who's right or wrong. Blaming someone will only intensify the problem. it's done and now what are you going to do so you don't repeat the process again. Mistakes are okay, repeating the mistake is not. Both of you have an issue in communicating. You both have to learn communication skills to prevent this from happening again. There is a process on how to do that on my site called "Communication in relationships-how to communicate better"

If you focus on who is right or wrong, I will guarantee, you will repeat the process again. It will never stop until both of you learn how to communicate in a peaceful manner. You are both equally responsible for what happened. You have to work on this as a team. True love has no blame, true love is when both partners are willing to find the solution instead of blaming. Resentment and blame will destroy your love you have for each other.

Tony

[leftright]

He doesn't mean, what are you going to do about it with us in this thread. He means what are you going to do about it with your husband. Like maybe, go home, apologize for ignoring him all night, and try to have a civilized conversation with him about how to resolve your issues? That might be a good start, yes?

It's odd that anyone here thinks I owe them an explanation. I think my intentions would be clear from my original post and my desire to hear other perspectives.

[ShellyZ]

Then why are you still here? Go talk to your husband! sheesh

[leftright]

At this point it doesn't matter who's right or wrong. Blaming someone will only intensify the problem. it's done and now what are you going to do so you don't repeat the process again. Mistakes are okay, repeating the mistake is not. Both of you have an issue in communicating. You both have to learn communication skills to prevent this from happening again. There is a process on how to do that on my site called "Communication in relationships-how to communicate better"

If you focus on who is right or wrong, I will guarantee, you will repeat the process again. It will never stop until both of you learn how to communicate in a peaceful manner. You are both equally responsible for what happened. You have to work on this as a team. True love has no blame, true love is when both partners are willing to find the solution instead of blaming. Resentment and blame will destroy your love you have for each other.

Tony

I understand and agree. It probably isn't a good method, but I was using "right" vs "wrong" merely as a method to see who wasn't getting what. Not for blame, but to understand the problem. I can see how my original post seems like I am interested in fair/not fair, when I just wanted to see how others made sense of the situation, because I was most interested in figuring out what the problem is so it can be fixed. If it was me who wasn't "getting it" then I am the one who needs to make an adjustment and I'd rather know than tread water saying how right I am.

Maybe posting this is making my flaws painfully clear, but there's no other way to address them if I don't know what they are. I appreciate the thoughtful response.

[leftright]

Then why are you still here? Go talk to your husband! sheesh

He's not here, so I can't.

[pyper]

His. especially because you said you have no friends to turn to.

[leftright]

His. especially because you said you have no friends to turn to.

"No friends" in that there's no one I'd run to when I leave the house at 1am. (I guess since I'm not normally leaving the house at 1am?) That's what I assumed he meant by "call people" because I didn't know who he'd call? I thought he was going to start calling friends, which I thought would be awkward for them. And I was thinking where would I be other than where I told him I was going? (I understand now why he I should have answered anyway.) He later told me that by "call people" he meant my family -- who live an 8hr plane ride away -- which I found strange, but that's neither here nor there. ...Not that any of what I just said should change your opinion. I should have just thought more about his concern and about me just "removing myself from the situation."