Move On or Move Back?

[Capricorn2112]

My boyfriend of 3 years and I just broke up. We've had some issues over the last 5-6 months, never fighting, but just simply being un-motivated and generally unhappy. We both still love each other very much and have a great deal of respect for each other, but he felt like we had tried to fix our relationship long enough, and it was time to move on. I didn't agree... I felt like we should try harder to find our spark we had lost, but there was a point where I gave up also, as he made it clear that I was no longer his priority.

We knew I'd be moving out of our home last weekend for a few weeks prior, and basically spent all of our time together for that time (as usual). I felt like I was just taking advantage of whatever time we had left together, as I wouldn't have that opportunity later. I guess he saw it as us actually getting better.
The day I left he told me he knew he had made a mistake and wished that I would stay. I actually moved to another city, so it was pretty dramatic. I quit my job, booked a moving truck, got my family to help me move, and then he springs it on me the day I leave that he wants me to stay.

So now a week later I'm still dealing with the same thing... I never wanted to leave. I liked my life the way it was, we just had some things to work on in our relationship. Now I'm moving back in with my parents to try to save money. He calls me everyday, we talk about our day, then we cry because we miss each other so much.

I don't know if I should stay with my parents and move on, or maybe just stay for a while then go back once I feel like he's learned from his mistake... or go back now and work on us.
I think the conclusion I've come to is to just stick it out at my parents house for a while, work my butt off to save some money, and just go from there.... if we're still as close as we are now, and I want to be with him, then I can... at least I've made him live with his decision for a bit, so he knows how to appreciate me again.

I try not to let my emotions get the best of me, and to think with my head, but I feel like a shell of a person without him. I know time will help that feeling to slowly disappear... but for now my heart aches.

[pisces25]

I think your plan sounds good. If you are meant to be together and continue on to have a long-term relationship what is a few months seperated in the whole scheme of things?
You will both experience what it is like to be apart and the feelings of missing each other and you will not take each other for granted when you do reconcile because of this.

[Capricorn2112]

I spared a lot of details when I first wrote this, but I'm going to add them now and see what anyone has to say...

My ex has a 2.5 yr old son with the most immature, dramatic and rude GIRL I've ever known. He ended a 12 year relationship, then dated this girl on the rebound and got her pregnant. They split up basically as soon as she realized she was pregnant, and she decided to keep the baby, hoping it would keep him in her life. Him and I started dating when she was 5 months pregnant. Our first 4 months, without a baby, and without me having to deal with his ex, were GREAT. I was just getting out of a 1.5 yr relationship and he was there for me every step of the way, even letting me live for free in a rental house of his for a couple weeks until I found my own place. Then once I found my own place, he pretty much moved in with me. Once his ex had her baby she started getting crazy. She was sure that once the baby was born, he'd leave me and run back to her. When this was not the case she began harassing me and lying to me saying that my bf was cheating on me with her. (He spent a lot of time at her house when baby was first born, to help her, not to be with her.) I began to get very uncomfortable with him being at her house so many hours of the week, especially when I have her in my ear at the same time. So, I ended up breaking up with him, thinking I'd just move on with my life and find someone like him, without a baby and a crazy baby mama. Well, it turned out a lot harder to move on than I thought and I ended up miserable and missing him like crazy. When I broke up with him he moved into that girls house, which he was paying for, for her and their baby. (His brother also was living there, because he was kicked out of his house, and the girl said he could move in there, also, he could not afford 2 rent payments, and she does nothing to help herself) It drove me absolutely mental that he was now living with this girl. We continued to see each other though, about twice a week. She would go crazy everytime she found out we were still seeing each other. She would call my phone and tell me to tell him not to bother coming back to see his son anymore because he had betrayed her for the last time... yet he had told her time and time before that they simply had no future, and he hoped they could be civil for their son's sake. She just didn't get it, and STILL doesn't. Now, 2.5 years later, she thinks he'll go running back to her because we just broke up. I KNOW that he will not ever consider going back to her, after the stress she's put him through. They battled over custody, and she held a relationship with his little brother for about a year. She is just the worst kind of person, and he is a genuinely good person, and they are just so wrong for each other. So she is not a WORRY of mine, just a stress. I looked at her facebook page for the first time since about Christmas, and she has things written about how she's never going to give up on him and fight for her family bla bla bla... yet she f***ed her baby's uncle for a year...

She is absolutely a stress in my life when I'm with him... even if she's not harassing me, or him, she's just causing issues for us. She didn't pay her power bill, so my ex had to put it in his name..... then when she still doesn't pay it and it's about to get cut off, my ex has to deal with the power company while she's freaking like HE did something wrong. If I remember correctly, that's the morning I had a message on my phone from her calling me a f***ing b***h because I didn't answer her "emergency" phone call at 7am the day after we got back from vacationing in Mexico.

I have never in my life HATED anyone. I get along with everyone, I don't cause problems, and I've never known anyone to really dislike me. She comes along and I feel a whole new set of emotions I've never felt before.

I used to tell myself that she would one day move on with her life. Everyone needs to be loved, and she's focused on someone who will never love her... so she must move on right? Like I said earlier, she was with my exes brother for a while... but as soon as they were broken up she was back fighting for my man. How ridiculous hey? Like he would touch her after she was with his brother, and by the way, ruined a brothers bond. His brother is just as much a douche bag as she is though and they belong together. They're both violent people and liked beating on each other... another quality my ex hates about her.

So what makes me put up with such a stress in my life?

My 'ex' and I really have something special. Right from our first date we've been abnormaly comfortable with each other. We can talk for hours and hours about anything. I am his voice of reason, and he helps me not to stress so much. We are both very attracted to each other and have always had great sex. He's very affectionate to me, and says that he's never experienced that before. We planned on being married... another first for him, even after his 12 year relationship. He is understanding, as am I, we never, never fight, we have the same interests and like spending ALL of our time together. I've never felt so connected to another person in my life. It worries me that I may not find another man who I am so compatible with. That same thing worries him also.

So when I think about moving on, the main comfort, is that this girl will no longer get to me. I won't have to think about her anymore. That thought alone makes me feel free...
But then, the sadness I feel about losing my best friend takes over and I forget that she even exists.

So I guess my question is... would you see this as my chance to get out of this stressful situation... OR has this just been a hurdle to prove to ourselves what we mean to each other, and the girl is just something I'll have to learn to deal with? (She used to get to me a lot more, I know now that everything she says is a lie, and I try not to let her get to me, but she is a stress in my life no matter how I look at it)

Anything you have to say will be appreciated, thank you...

EDIT: Should also add that my ex has their son 5 days a week, and she only gets him on weekends. I've grown to love this little boy like my own, and we had always planned on giving him a brother or sister or two.

[Capricorn2112]

I'm sorry for writing a novel, but I've spent hours reading everyone elses posts and commenting, so I hope that someone will put in the time and thought to help me too....

[Sonrisa]

how old are you two?

[Capricorn2112]

I'm 23, he's 35... why does this matter?

[Sonrisa]

I'm 23, he's 35... why does this matter?

of course it matters. you got your whole life ahead of you and he's is practically over. he got himself a kid, an ex and tons of issues that people get after hitting the 30.
find someone your own age or not much older.