My love life is a mess! Your help please?

[anana]

I broke up recently, and to be honest I'm not quite over it yet.. It's been about 6 weeks now.. I'm not sure how long it's supposed to take to get over someone, but when I get lonely it's really hard to resist making that phone call.. But at the same time, there's someone else I like. I'm just not sure whether I like him because I don't want to be alone, or because I really want to be with him.. I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship yet, but there's another girl who likes him, and I'm worried that if I wait until I'm ready to date him, it will be too late.

About a week after I broke up with my ex, that guy I like started inviting me to his place sometimes. We ended up kissing a few times, but during the past two times I was there he didn't try to kiss me at all, and I really don't know why. I'm worried maybe he realized he wants to be just friends after all.. Or maybe it's because I felt like he was moving too fast the last time, and now he thinks I don't like him?

I don't know what to do! Should I just forget about him and focus on myself for a while, or should I try to hook up with him? Because basically we're a good match.. there's nobody I know who would be better for me than him..

[Wakeup]

there's nobody I know who would be better for me than him..

You just say that because he's the only option you have at the moment. There are a whole bunch of men out there that could very well be suited for you but you're not emotionally in the right place to be seeing the beauty in any of them. Are you afraid to be without a bf for a while? Unable to work on yourself and your hobbies and spend time with your friends and make you the best you that you can be?

If you're not afraid to be alone for a bit then I suggest you quit worrying if the dude who kissed you goes after the other girl if he does then he didn't like YOU all that much now did he? .. Process your breakup and learn and reflect on any mistakes you think you may have made in that relationship so that you don't repeat them in the future.

Then, when you're indifferent to your ex and the thought of him doesn't make you sad and angst filled, you'll be ready to form another relationship and you won't feel you have to settle for the first guy that shows you a little bit of interest.

[anana]

Yeah.. I suppose you're right. After a break up, it's hard to be by yourself, but it's not a good reason to go out with the first guy you see... I guess now that I read the things I wrote yesterday, I feel like I should have realized that by myself..
Last time I got out of a serious relationship, I had a rebound thing after that. There was a guy I went out with sometimes. We only had fun, never committing to anything.. It worked because he was an exchange student and when I started seeing him, I knew he would go back to his country a few months later and I would never have to see him again.. But it would be hard if this guy I like now turns out to be my rebound, because we're in the same group of friends and meet almost every day..

Even if I tell myself all these things, I know I won't say no if he approaches me again..

[Wakeup]

Even if I tell myself all these things, I know I won't say no if he approaches me again..

Do you know what the definition of insanity is? It's doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You know that rebounding is putting you and the object of your desire in a very emotionally vulnerable place. So... WTF would you not be able to say no to this man? Do you have no boundaries in place for yourself that you will not cross? If you don't have personal boundaries then you're never going to have a back bone and be able to look out for your own best interests and have the integrity to show towards others and their emotional well being.

Learn to work your way through the pain of a breakup without using a human bandaid to help you. Once you have done that successfully, you'll never just settle again because you'll not want to go through that kind of pain again and your "picker" will be well honed so that you don't fall into the arms of some bastige/unsuitable/player/disrespectful asshat just because you're lonly. You'll have some personal boundaries in place that you'll not let douches cross on you and if they do you'll have the independent strength to cut them loose the min they show their red flags to you.

Get over one before you jump on another. Learn to be happy in your own skin then you'll be far better at deciding who you'll allow to share your happiness with.

[anana]

Thanks.. I know you're right. I will take your advice to heart.