Second dates ...

[maxmax]

I'm just wondering ... do the ladies seem to expect the guy to suggest or initiate talks about a second date?

On dates I have enjoyed, I've always been the one to first compliment my date on their good company, and then suggest a second date. Fortunately all my recent dates have reached a second round when I have suggested this.

I'm not really one for games, but I know from friends and such that sometimes a girl will wait for the guy to propose meeting again, and instigate the compliments. However, is there a chance that someone doing this might come across as overly keen? I guess for me, it's not a sign of me being overly keen, just friendly, open and letting the other person know I have enjoyed my time with them.

Have any of you ladies NOT gone on a second date with someone just because they didn't initiate it? Even though you really enjoyed your first date with them?

[tremolo]

I never go on any dates in the beginning unless the guy initiates them. I've often been disappointed when a guy hasn't called for a follow-up date after a first or second one... I just assume if he wants to keep seeing me, he'll let me know, and if not, then he won't.

[vashti]

I never go on any dates in the beginning unless the guy initiates them.

Same here.

[smackie9]

It seems the be a tradition that the woman is supposed to wait for the call. Women don't initiate anything for fear as coming off as too easy so they play it kool to earn respect from the guy. But through my experience this isn't true...I'm aggressive about my interest in someone and had no problem asking men out on dates.....I have found that they really like it and wish more women would be more like that. Over the years I have encouraged the ladies to step up and initiate if they like someone........still working on it lol.

[smackie9]

I never go on any dates in the beginning unless the guy initiates them. I've often been disappointed when a guy hasn't called for a follow-up date after a first or second one... I just assume if he wants to keep seeing me, he'll let me know, and if not, then he won't.

Maybe you didn't show enough interest so the guy just assumed the date didn't go that well. A lot of guys do have a big fear of rejection

[vashti]

It seems the be a tradition that the woman is supposed to wait for the call. Women don't initiate anything for fear as coming off as too easy so they play it kool to earn respect from the guy.

Eh, maybe in part. More relevant us that I let him initiate because I don't want to be in the position of having to always be the one who always take charge. I like assertive men who know what they want, and I like knowing a man wants me.

[Boisdevie]

My GF suggested the first date. I suggested the second. I love women who know what they want and don't play silly games.

[maxmax]

It seems the be a tradition that the woman is supposed to wait for the call. Women don't initiate anything for fear as coming off as too easy so they play it kool to earn respect from the guy. But through my experience this isn't true...I'm aggressive about my interest in someone and had no problem asking men out on dates.....I have found that they really like it and wish more women would be more like that. Over the years I have encouraged the ladies to step up and initiate if they like someone........still working on it lol.

My GF suggested the first date. I suggested the second. I love women who know what they want and don't play silly games.

That's exactly it. It's nice that both parties are able and willing to show an interest in instigating stuff.

I understand the points about the perception some may have of women who come across as quite forward, but actually I have never thought negatively of it. And yes, in fact, it's a good thing.

I like to think of myself as quite an open-minded and 'modern' person and have totally no problems with women knowing what they want and asking for it. And why shouldn't they? I've found that with people like that you generally know where you stand better with them and that communication is a lot clearer, and you can both have a lot more fun.

[maxmax]

OK, well, considering the above ... considering even the most reserved of girls, what would you say are definite signs she is into you?

Some people are just really hard to read, but there ust be some tell-tale signs?

After 7 years with the same person, you get rusty picking up on these things. And before then most girls I met were on drunken nights, or through friends, so it was a bit different.

Guys, let me have your worldly expereince.

Girls, give me an insight into the kinda hints you give out!

Thanks

(oh and yes, I have a couple of second dates coming up ...)

[ShellyZ]

If she says yes when you ask her out on a second date, that's a sign that she's into you. :-)

[nathan joseph]

Eyes are the most important second, (glacing at you) body language is second (knees pointed towards you in class etc.) and third is touching.

I wrote an aticle on my website about this. Check it out if you have time. link is in my signature.

Good luck man, not everyone gets a second date!!

[nathan joseph]

oops, signature should be on this one.

[devonbrown]

There are lots of theories about this, and a lot of them stem from old-fashioned gender roles. In general, society is steering away from these old concepts, but it takes a while and we are stuck in a transition period.

As for signs that someone likes you, it varies for different people, but touching, eye contact, paying attention to you, and saying yes if you ask her out again are all good signs.

Good luck.

[devonbrown]

P.S. - So many people still play games, even going so far as to create schemes and strategies to "win" at these games. Open and honest communication is really the only way to establish and grow a relationship, so why not start out that way.

[vertical_sky]

I wait for the guy to initiate, but not because I'm playing games, but because that's how I feel loved. Some girls want love shown to them through expensive dinners, or nice gifts, or a waterfall of compliments... For me, if you do most (note: not all, but most) of the initiating, that's one of the biggest things you can do to demonstrate feelings for me.

I know guys who say they love women who are forward and know what they want.... But every time I've done the chasing (I'd estimate 6 out of the 8 times it lead to a relationship), the guy has gone out with me more out of a sense of "Sure why not" than a "I really like her." They just weren't into me enough to really initiate much, but if I took on the lion's share of the work, they were fine going along with it until someone better came along that they DID want to chase.

For all our talk of modernity and embracing new gender models, from everything I've experienced and witnessed, men go for it if they really want it, fear of rejection or not. If they don't go after it, they're really not THAT into it. I think a lot of women have observed this as well, and so wait for the guy to initiate not out of a sense of "playing games," but because they don't want to fall for a guy who only goes out with them because it's easy and convenient.