Sneaky beaky

[Jll2309]

Hubby is sending a female friend private messages on Facebook, I know because I have his password. He deletes the messages but doesn't realise they're still available in an archive. They have exchanged 40 messages over 7 weeks (but hey who's counting!). They've now swapped mobile numbers and have arranged to meet for lunch. I really don't mind him having female friends, I just don't understand why he's so secretive. He's never mentioned this woman even in passing to me. What do you guys think?

[VincenzoG91]

The answer is obvious, so why not skip the denial phase and move on to more productive ones like anger and bargaining?

[Jll2309]

I really shouldn't snoop, no good ever comes of it. I'm not in denial though other than not mentioning this to me he really has done nothing wrong. I think it's fine that he talks to and meets her, just not that it's some big secret. I now have to own up to snooping, which I hate. Argghhh!

[doppelgaenger]

What is the content of the messages, if you don't mind revealing?

I have a feeling this is just an honest friendship. If he is so secretive about all this and the content of his message is still innocent, then maybe you're overreacting. I'd be concerned though, if he's secretly meeting this woman.

[Jll2309]

The woman in question is his friends ex, they all hung out together before he met me. That was 15 years ago. She has recently split from her baby's dad. The messages are about her nights out back on the scene, the men she's met whether he knows them or anything about them. Other than saying being a busy working mum suits her and she looks good in her new pictures. Thats it. I should get over it and tell him to change his password. I'm waiting for him to meet her I guess to see if he mentions it then. I guess he's not going to if he hasn't yet. It bugs me that if this was the other way around he would not be happy it.

[doppelgaenger]

I think you've got your head on straight. I'd wait until then to see if he tells you, and if he does, come clean and tell him to change the password.

[Jll2309]

What if he doesn't, does that mean he's looking for a fling with her?

[doppelgaenger]

What if he doesn't, does that mean he's looking for a fling with her?

If he doesn't, I'd be suspicious of at least an emotional affair because of his discreet behavior.

[Jll2309]

Just wondered what you thought to this, I'd send him a message via his fb saying

It's ok to have a female friend and it's ok to meet her for lunch. I like ***** she's really nice and I have no problem with you being in contact with her. I do have an issue with you not mentioning any of this to me. There's no reason to not mention over the past 2 months that you've messaged her. Imagine if this was the other way around and I'd swapped 40 messages over 2 months and was arranging to meet a guy a I knew and never mentioned it to you. I was going to wait and see if you mentioned it but I'm not trying to catch you out. Love you loads.

What do you think? I don't think we need to have an argument over this.

[doppelgaenger]

That's a pretty mature way to handle the situation.

[smackie9]

When people do things in secret is because they know they shouldn't be doing it.

[doppelgaenger]

Well, I always give the benefit of the doubt - assume makes an ass out of u and me. But in most cases, that's true.

[Jll2309]

I'm going to send the message tomorrow. He's trying to get home early. I thought if we had a nice night together tonight. It would be easier for him to get the message tomorrow. Thanks everyone for your input. Xx

[smackie9]

Well, I always give the benefit of the doubt - assume makes an ass out of u and me. But in most cases, that's true.

I great quote originally made by Benny Hill lol!

[VincenzoG91]

This thread is too civilized. I picture the OP shaking hands with her cheating husband and then handing him a box of condoms while admonishing him to be careful.