my boyfriends daughter...

[sinnylinny]

Hi Everybody

Im 32 my boyfriend is 46, he had a 17 year old daughter with an ex girlfriend. He and I have been dating about 10 months, everything is going really well he’s a good guy. However, I don’t have a lot of tolerance for his daughters attitude sometimes. I understand that to an extent at that age it’s normal, but recently I’ve noticed a pattern with her outbursts; she is much nicer to me and more pleasant to talk to when he is not around, like if he’s in the other room or she opens the door to let me in, it’s when she is around when he and I together that she mouths off, throws tantrums, etc.

I don’t want to get in the middle of anything but I also don’t want this to affect my relationship with my boyfriend. Are there any single parents who have noticed their child exhibit this kind of behavior? Does she behave this way to get attention from him? Is it a “he loved me first” kind of thing she’s trying to tell me? I don’t have any kids and have no idea how to handle it. Thanks for any insight!

[elleda]

i hate kids. lol

[Wakeup]

Does the daughter live with her father? If she doesn't then why are you, after such a short time of only 10 months, honing in on her father/daughter time with her dad? Can't you see your bf (her father) when it's not her time to visit until she's had a chance to get used to her father with a new woman?

If she does live with him then you're just going to have to be more patient (it's only been 10 months) and if he doesn't tell her to quit the rudeness then you're going to have to have talk with him about how disrespected you feel when she is rude to you. I know my husband won't tolerate it if our daughter is disrespectful to me and vice versa. He should know that his daughter's ill behaviour is not acceptable to begin with.

[sinnylinny]

thnx for the responce...she lives w him he has full custody

[Wakeup]

I'm sure she's likely somewhat jealous of the change. It's not been that long of a time for her to adjust and she is 17. I've found that kids, no matter what age they are, are always more behaved in front of anyone who isn't their parent. ;o)

[ConniptionFit]

What do you mean, "mouths off and throws tantrums"? In relation to what? To something you say to her?

[sinnylinny]

She is bossy towards me and her father, insulting towards her dad, literally screams and cries sometimes...

[Spring Haze]

Ask your boyfriend if he thinks it's possible that she views you as a rival, and doesn't know how to handle your presence.

[Boisdevie]

If you want a long term relationship then this needs to be confronted RIGHT NOW. A 17 year old who is bossy and insults her own father needs stepping on. You need to talk to your parner about his because the problem will only get worse. My friend has a 10 year old son who treats him like sh!t - kids need to have respect for their parents because if not it's going to becoming a nightmare. My GF has two kids - 8 and 4 - and I often tell that that mummy is the boss here and not them.
Has your BF let things slide? Has he been too indulgent?

[vashti]

A 17 year old that is mouthy and throws tantrums? Stop the press! lol

This IS the way 17 year old girls are. If you can't take it, date a man with no children. Otherwise, pick and choose your battles. Not everything she says or does is important enough to be called on.

[ConniptionFit]

Are you attempting to parent or discipline her?

[sinnylinny]

no i dont try to discipline her, dont even want to go there. once she said "gimme that!" and i told her to rephrase that... thats the extent to my involvement with discipline

[sinnylinny]

oh and to answer the earlier question, it seems he lets things slide, he doesnt address the behavior when it happens he waits until the next day so shes not emotional...its just very different than how i was brought up

[vashti]

oh and to answer the earlier question, it seems he lets things slide, he doesnt address the behavior when it happens he waits until the next day so shes not emotional...its just very different than how i was brought up

Actually, I think it's smart that he wait until she isn't emotionally explosive to address her behavior. People tend to be more receptive to other's points of view when they are calm.

[ConniptionFit]

Sounds like you need to need to have a heart to heart talk with either her or her father or both about how this makes you feel uncomfortable.