what should you do if you and your friend both likes a guy?

[iamminzy]

I met my guy friend last year and he hit on me at the club and wanted to get my number, but then I was already dating someone. But after i broke up with my ex, later on he asked me out on a date and I went. We had a good time, but I was already dating another guy cuz i hated my ex and wanted to see what else was out there. it seems like its always bad timing for us.

And now my friend is all googly eyes over him and likes him. I asked him to go clubbing with us because me and my girl friend needed a guy to back us up in case guys won't get off our backs. Maybe I should not have played hard to get, but I am very very shy while my friend is outgoing and very social. I told my girl friend that I like him when she asked if I did and then next day she tells me that she liked him too..

I actually told her in the beginning couples days after she met him, that I sorta have feelings for him and how he kind tries to look out for me... But she goes out with him still...

Do friends do that? I mean if a friend tell you that you like a guy, do they really tell you that they like them too? I met her last year, so I havent known her for that long, but she's the only friend that is closest to me that I met in such a short period of time. I think she is a really cool and great friend, but why does she have to tell me she likes him too after I told her that I did?

I think my guy friend likes her too, cuz he keep asking me about her, but honestly I don't think he knows what he wants after i reject him, he turns to another girl. My girl friend spoke to him about her guy problem and she broke up with her ex and now she likes my guy friend. She told me that she and him had lots of things in common, though iono if its true since they only met not too long ago? She told me she feels bad and that she won't do anything, but So I just told her its ok, if you like him have him since I don't like him that much, but I did. I just did not want my other friends getting on my case and I did not want to cause drama and tension between us. But next day she said that, she goes out with him for lunch.

I am not upset that they want to be together, I am mostly upset that she not being upfront about this with me that she is really dating him after she said she feels bad. Well if she feels bad, then do you just go for your guts and don't care about friendship? At least tell me what's going on, otherwise it just cause tension between us which it is.

All my friends knows about him now, she been telling him to all our friends and I have to listen in on it which makes me feel awkward and upset... Sometimes I don;t think she's being a good friend to me.... and I can tell and I think she can tell that there's tension between us when we talk about him.

[vertical_sky]

Fight to the DEATH.

Okay, real truth: there's no such thing as "calling dibs" on a guy. He is not the front seat of a car. The fact is, you had a chance with the guy, and you decided not to go for it. Bad timing, "playing hard to get"... whatever you want to call it, you were not into him ENOUGH to make it work. He did the mature thing of accepting it, and going on to find someone who was interested in him. That happens to be your friend. She DID like him enough to go for it.

Should your friend have been more forward about the fact that she and the guy are starting to move into a relationship? Eh, maybe... but the beginnings of relationships can be challenging all on their own. The newness, the uncertainty; insisting that she keep you up to date might be expecting a little bit too much.

You need to ask yourself, with brutal honesty, what exactly you were expecting to happen. Were you expecting her to NOT go for a guy she's interested in just because you met him first and kinda, sorta liked him? Were you expecting him to turn her down in hopes that you'd eventually get around to dating him? You have a right to your feelings-some hurt, some rejection-but you've gotta place them in perceptive. You were kind of asking both of them to arrange their romantic lives for your emotional convenience, and you just don't have kind of claim over them. He is not your ex, and she is not your Best Friend Forever.

Here's what you do. Have a good cry about the fact that you missed your chance with this guy, learn from it, and then get over it. Happily and peacefully listen and enjoy your friends' good luck. And the next time a guy comes along who seems like a catch, remember this experience, and go for it.

[trishabcarson]

You should stop thing about all him. stay in your life dear. never fell awkward and face the reality.

[Gratedwasabi]

So, you didn't like him enough before to date him instead of other guys.. but now that your friend does.. you do, too? Curious.

[devonbrown]

vertical sky beat me to the "calling dibs" comment, but that is exactly what you are trying to claim here. You had no stake in this guy, he was single and your friend was single. I know you are looking for a female variation of "bro's before ho's" here, but you were there, you had your chance, and you let it slip away. You didn't say to her, "Hey, you see that guy over there? I am going to ask him out." And then she rushed up to him to ask him out first. She liked him for him separately than you. Take a step back, realize that friendship is more important than dating a guy, and look for other potential dating partners.

Good luck.

[VincenzoG91]

I suppose a threesome is out of the question?