How do I deal with/respond to an ex contacting me again?

[sabresfan23]

Quick background: My ex and I dated for about 3 years ago and broke up with me 2 months ago and almost immediately started seeing someone else. I tried the whole get back together thing at first but realized it was worthless and gave her space.

Then randomly a few weeks ago I noticed I had been removed from all social networks she was on. I emailed and asked why and she responded with stating she didn't like seeing me single and told me she didn't want to talk to me.

Yesterday, I get an IM her after no communication just making small talk. It was the first conversation we have had since the breakup that didn't involve discussing our relationship and was nice. We kind of just caught up, but now I find myself grabbing onto hope again and I'm pretty sure she is still dating this guy. The conversation ended with me tell her I was busy and had to go, no fighting and nothing negative.

My question is why would she contact me after telling me she didn't want to talk to me and what should I take this contact as? Should I contact her again or just wait until she does again?

[smackie9]

She was feeling guilty for what she did and wanted, for her own piece of mind, to make sure you were doing alight and there wasn't any hard feelings coming from you.

[that one guy]

You are right in holding off contact and I recommend that you continue doing so. I can't say for sure I could even begin to fathom what's going through her mind but it seems like she is trying to maintain some form of connection with you. Whether this is a good or bad thing is completely up to you to decide. She may be trying to reconcile with you and, maybe, take things slow; ease her way back into your life. Then again, she may be trying to string you along as her plan B. If I was in your situation, I would maintain being nice and somewhat conversational but never initiate contact. Stay strong.

[Windmillback]

What "that one guy" wrote is excellent advise. I would just add that since she had a new BF right away after you two broke up, you need extra caution. I would not initiate contact and when she contacts you keep it polite and short. I think that she is playing games, feels a sense of discomfort without you around and is trying to keep you as a spare wheel. When she told you that she didn't like to see you single it was only to minimise her own guilt because she started dating immidiately after the break-up. It makes you look like a more upstanding person than she is, and she addresses that issue. It is an aggressive power play move. If she is trying to get back with you, take time, let her innitiate contact many, many times with a polite but lack luster reply from you. If she persists and keeps on contacting you, you can see that as a sign that she is sincere about wanting to reconcile.

[confusius]

If she is trying to get back with you, take time, let her innitiate contact many, many times with a polite but lack luster reply from you. If she persists and keeps on contacting you, you can see that as a sign that she is sincere about wanting to reconcile.

I just have a question. Does your statement still hold if the girl does it with all her exes?

[Wakeup]

I'm confused as to why you're wondering why she contacted you when it was YOU that contacted her. You emailed her when she deleted you from all the dumb sites she advertises herself on. Had you not contacted her, it's likely she would have never contacted you.

Anyway, if you're interested in getting back with this girl I suggest you first find out if she's still with the guy she started seeing shortly after breaking up with you. If she is then don't bother even talking to her.

Two months of healing back to square one caused by breaking no contact. Confusion and conjecture and guessing all over again. Go back to no contact and if she contacts you and is still involved with the other guy, tell her you think it's best you block and delete one another so you can get on with yours lives games free.

If she persists and keeps on contacting you, you can see that as a sign that she is sincere about wanting to reconcile.

Consider it a sign of wanting to get back with you if she says "Geeze I really made a mistake breaking up with you, do you think we have a chance of reconciling?" (or something similar where she's straight forward) Other than that direct kind of approach, don't take her games as anything other than that.. her playing games or her just wondering whats up with you ~ Particularily if she's still with the new dude.

[Cinnabella]

The more you keep hoping you guys will get back together, the more your heart will be hurt for longer. If she dated someone else, she is Done and you should be Done to her too. Probably you didn't mean that much to her like she means to you, just accept the hurt and try to move on the best you can, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and eventually you will get over her. This is for your sake!

[Lou68]

Hi sabresfan23.
I am so sorry to hear about what has happened with your girlfriend. Speaking from experience, it sounds pretty much to me that - after 3 years with someone your relationship ends, and then she immediately starts dating another guy, in her head and her heart she has clearly moved on, otherwise she would not have dated again so quickly. She removed contact with you as a way of removing you further from her life but then may have felt a bit guilty about it when you challenged her, hence the IM.

It's difficult for an outsider to comment on what is happening in her head as non of us know her or you, or the details behind your break-up. If you are both young, and feel that she just needed a bit of space to date others, but that there may still be a chance for you both in the future, then there are a number of different options that might help you in either accepting this or findingthe best answer for you at this time. One of them is to do some research on ebooks which help you try and find the best ways to get your ex back. I know about these, believe me, I have been there and have been hurt many times. If you think it might help have a look at the magic of making up-get your ex back.com OR The Ex Recovery System Reviews

Good luck, It must be very confusing for you.

[sabresfan23]

Thank you all for your great responses and advice....she contacted me a few hours ago regarding something she easily could have looked up on the internet for information or asked someone else. We communicated for about an hour or so and kept it normal with a tiny bit of flirting...Im not sure what she is doing but Im still not going to be the initiator of contact between us.

[chirping]

i think she just wants to be friends. don't put so much meaning into it. it is what it is.

however, if you are not comfortable and if you find yourself hoping again and you think she's still with someone, then stop communication. you don't need to explain to her why either. just don't communicate. at this point, what matters is you. you need to move on.