I'm 28.....and I virgin.....HELP!

[Bama]

I need advice.....

Last month, I started dating a wonderful guy. I really feel a connection with him and can see us sharing a long term relationship. At this point, the furthest we have gone is a heavy make-out session (with touching on top of clothes). He definitely is ready to take it further, but I have said it is just too soon in our relationship and he seems ok with that.

HOWEVER.............

What I haven't told him yet is that I am still a virgin!!! At 28, my longest relationship has only been 6 months and I have never gone beyond heavy make-out sessions........no hand-jobs, no oral, no anything!

I guess I am freaking out because 1) At 28, he obviously would NEVER guess that I am still a virgin 2) I am so inexperienced, I am basically a freak

What should I do? Do I just sit him down tomorrow and tell him? Do I wait until we are a little further along in the relationship?

Will he dump me when he finds out?

HELP!

[Spring Haze]

See if this impression of him being "wonderful" is accurate by telling him eventually. It's only one month in.

[HeartIsAching]

It is unlikely he'll dump you. In fact, it's highly likely he'll be delighted. Most men actually like virgins - exciting knowing nobody's been there before. Personally I've never cared one way or the other, but more men do than don't.

As far as your inexperience goes - enthusiasm counts. Try to be entirely hedonistic in your approach:

If it feels good, go with it. If it doesn't, don't. Later with some more experience you'll be better able to decide what you are willing to try again and what you won't.

Try to be free of ego in your approach - take direction and give direction - in other words, communicate with each other. Sex can be a beautiful, sensual and loving experience if done right. Of course, sometimes it's just a good romp! There's absolutely NOTHING shameful or dirty about it. It's good exercise too!

If it's a month in already, he's probably starting to wonder when it's going to happen, if ever. I'm going to suggest that you tell him right away, and let him know that you're apprehensive, and that when the time's right it'll happen, but not before. If he's any kind of man worth wasting time on, he'll wait.

[ShellyZ]

If he dumps you when he finds out, then he's not worth keeping anyway. I doubt he will, most men are very understanding about this. You're not a freak, everyone does things at their own pace. He will probably be happy to take the lead and guide you through the things you've never done before.

[surfhb]

Most men actually like virgins - exciting knowing nobody's been there before.

What planet are you from?

[maxmax]

I wouldn't be bothered if someone was a virgin.

I think guys are probably a little less fussed about it than girls are, probably mostly from a 'performance' point of view.

My only concern would be on how to approach it, and just making extra careful and sure she was completely comfortable, relaxed, and knowing she would communicate with me if anything was in any way uncomfortable.

[Boisdevie]

I don't know whether it's true that most men like virgins. I've never been bothered whether I'm the first or not. But dating a woman of 28 who never had sex would worry me - it would tell me that there was something wrong. And I suspect that women who aren't virgins would be better in bed because they were more experienced.

[Bama]

I don't know whether it's true that most men like virgins. I've never been bothered whether I'm the first or not. But dating a woman of 28 who never had sex would worry me - it would tell me that there was something wrong. And I suspect that women who aren't virgins would be better in bed because they were more experienced.

I can assure you there is NOTHING "wrong" with me............

To be completely honest, it was NOT my intention to wait this wrong and I wish that it would have happened long before now (like in high school or college). But, I am the type of person that wanted to at least wait until I truly cared for or even loved the guy I was with. I am not overly religious, but I was definitely raised with that value. So again, there is nothing "wrong" with me, I just never wanted to throw it away on a one night stand or on someone I really didn't like to begin with.

[Boisdevie]

Well there is obviously something 'wrong' with you because there are not many virgins around your age are there? So by definition you are not 'normal' And what's this shi!t about throwing it away - what you think your virginity is some kind of wonderful prize that only the most holy/pure/privilveged guy gets?

[ConniptionFit]

1- The guy who said most guys prefer virgins is completely clueless.

2- If he's into you, it's probably not going to matter.

3- What is going to matter more is your lack of previous ability to maintain a long term relationship.

[leoben]

Well there is obviously something 'wrong' with you because there are not many virgins around your age are there? So by definition you are not 'normal' And what's this shi!t about throwing it away - what you think your virginity is some kind of wonderful prize that only the most holy/pure/privilveged guy gets?

So I guess there is something wrong with gay people since most people aren't gay? Sometimes you just have a mental block about a certain thing for whatever reason. She might really enjoy sex once she finally tries it, doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong.

1- The guy who said most guys prefer virgins is completely clueless.

2- If he's into you, it's probably not going to matter.

3- What is going to matter more is your lack of previous ability to maintain a long term relationship.

Agree with #2, but considering she isn't sleeping with these guys I think 6 months is an impressive relationship length.

I can assure you there is NOTHING "wrong" with me............

To be completely honest, it was NOT my intention to wait this wrong and I wish that it would have happened long before now (like in high school or college). But, I am the type of person that wanted to at least wait until I truly cared for or even loved the guy I was with. I am not overly religious, but I was definitely raised with that value. So again, there is nothing "wrong" with me, I just never wanted to throw it away on a one night stand or on someone I really didn't like to begin with.

You're right, there's nothing wrong with that. I would talk to him sooner rather then later, if you just keep telling him no without explaining why he will think you're not really interested and probably leave.

The first time is probably going to be nerve wracked and awkward, but it's just something you have to get through. Any guy worth a damn is not going to put up with no sex forever. Don't make him wait more then another month or two.

[ShellyZ]

Don't make him wait more then another month or two.

There's no need to put a time limit on it. The best time to have sex is when you're ready. But I agree that you should talk to him about it first, so he understands why you're waiting.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It's not wrong to value yourself and it's not wrong to wait for someone who truly cares about you. That's a very smart thing to do and you won't regret that.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You should be sure he really cares about you first, but I don't think being a virgin is your biggest problem here. I think most guys would be understanding of that.

I think your biggest problems are that you've A) Never done anything more than making out and B) You've been in 6 month relationships and never gone any further.

What stopped you from going further with the guys you were in relationships with? Making a guy wait months for sex is frustrating and makes a guy constantly question how much this girl actually likes him. Most guys, especially at your age, are not going to wait around forever because you will seem like you're using sex as a weapon at a certain point.

[surfhb]

Yep....with a few exceptions, a quality guy will not wait months for sex. Harsh...maybe not understandable by some , but very true.

[Bama]

You should be sure he really cares about you first, but I don't think being a virgin is your biggest problem here. I think most guys would be understanding of that.

I think your biggest problems are that you've A) Never done anything more than making out and B) You've been in 6 month relationships and never gone any further.

What stopped you from going further with the guys you were in relationships with? Making a guy wait months for sex is frustrating and makes a guy constantly question how much this girl actually likes him. Most guys, especially at your age, are not going to wait around forever because you will seem like you're using sex as a weapon at a certain point.

Ok, I have only been in 1 6 month relationship before and the guy was ALSO a virgin. He and I BOTH agreed that we wanted to wait. Sex was never an obstacle for us, no did it have anything to do with why we broke up.

As for my other relationships, they were very brief for MANY reasons.........

1.) I was very committed to my studies (high school and college) and now my career. I was also a huge high school and college athlete and school and sports were ALWAYS my top priority. That maybe very selfish, but I just didn't care about a relationship. I wanted to be single and free and do what was important to me.

2.) We just weren't compatible and broke up.

3.) Unfortunately, some of the guys I have dated (not more than 1 month) have dumped me as soon as they found out I was a virgin. They acted like I had a disease or something!

I will admit that I am very inexperienced when it comes to long term relationships, but that is mostly due to my unwillingness to committ and make a relationship a priority in the past. At 28, I am now at the stage in my life where I want nothing more than to meet Mr. Right, get married, and raise a family.